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Bible Study, Anyone? On Being A Godly Husband


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I know this is my first comment in this thread, but I have been greatly edified by it. When Brother Dave referenced Ephesians 5:22, something struck me that I had never thought of before. I have read that particular verse many, many times and I was blinded to this simple truth because of my pride. The wife is commanded to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, and as Brother Dave pointed out, husbands are called to love their wife as Christ loved the church. I have struggled with this concept because my definition of 'love' was not the same as the Bible definition of 'love'. I would tell my wife that I love her every day, do nice things for her, and the like; but I had always maintained somewhat of an emotional distance from her.

 

I would like to say that it was due to how I dealt with being separated from her when I went on deployments, and that I had allowed it to stick around even after I had gotten back, but that is not the case. I realized that I had (have) a pride issue. I felt that I deserved her submission because of this passage. I think a lot of Christian men fall into the same trap. The thought that I had was this: I had a submission issue as well. I was demanding that my wife submit to me, but I was refusing to submit myself to Christ by fully following His teachings. What I had done was effectively picked out what parts fit best for me, and conveniently forgot the rest. I thank God that the Holy Spirit convicted me of this! Blinded by my pride, I had placed my marriage in a place where a lesser person would have left me years ago! Thank you Lord, for blessing a doofus like myself with a wife that loves You more than me! (I hope doofus doesn't offend anybody, if it does let me know and I will remove it).

 

By learning to submit myself to Christ, I learned to love her the way that Christ told me to. I hope that this all makes sense, as I am a little tired at the moment! I hate it when I feel like I'm just rambling. Brother Markel, thanks for hosting this thread, and I look forward to growing as a husband.

Indeed this makes much sense! How easy it is for us to see that our wives are to submit to us and for us to see when they are not, but to easily miss, or ignore, the fact we are to be submitted to Christ and we are not doing so!

 

Without a doubt I know from my own experience that the closer I have drawn to Christ over the years the more my love for my wife has deepened and matured. Often I will take time to thank God for giving me such a love for my wife that I once never even knew was possible. There is so much more to loving our wives than the emotional aspect or even the belief that we would die for our wives.

 

It's rather easy to say we would jump between our wives and an angry grizzly bear, willing to die to save our wives, but we truly show our love when we humble ourselves and wash the dishes just because we love our wife. It took some years for me to learn that one!

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Indeed this makes much sense! How easy it is for us to see that our wives are to submit to us and for us to see when they are not, but to easily miss, or ignore, the fact we are to be submitted to Christ and we are not doing so!

 

Without a doubt I know from my own experience that the closer I have drawn to Christ over the years the more my love for my wife has deepened and matured. Often I will take time to thank God for giving me such a love for my wife that I once never even knew was possible. There is so much more to loving our wives than the emotional aspect or even the belief that we would die for our wives.

 

It's rather easy to say we would jump between our wives and an angry grizzly bear, willing to die to save our wives, but we truly show our love when we humble ourselves and wash the dishes just because we love our wife. It took some years for me to learn that one!

 

Amen! If we are going to love our wives as Christ loved the church then we have to do what he did, become a servant. We don't need to remind our wives that we are the king of our home, if they love us (and mine wouldn't put up with me if she didn't love me) then they know that. We need to show our wives that we love them enough to humble ourselves and become a servant. My mother always told us that love doesn't say "what can you do for me" but rather "what can I do for you?".

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How can I put a "like" by all the comments in this thread with one single check of a box? Of course I can't. This is valuable for those who comment and those who read as well. But, its value is dependent on use; I'm guilty, I don't use these commands and principles from God's Holy Word enough.

 

Today my devotions were in 1 Pet. 3 and Pro. 18.

 

God reinforces the doctrine of co-equality of husband and wife:

1 Pet. 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

 

God reinforces that any praise we receive is a testimony to our wife as well:

Pro. 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

 

Are we praying for God's favor (blessing) in some aspect of our lives? Are we at odds with our "good thing" (wife)? Is it possible God's "favour" is "hindered;" the result of a lack of "honour" overdue or even missing from our relationship with our "help meet?"

 

Each time I go to my mother's to help with something, as I'm leaving, she says, "Be sure to tell Sally thanks for letting you come over."

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1 Corinthians 7:3-5 " Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."

This is not advice, this is a command.

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My wife and I were looking through Genesis 2 & 3 tonight and came across this verse in Ch 3.
16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

The interesting thing from this is the correlation to the Ephesians verses I already mentioned.

We were trying to figure out how Eve desiring her husband and Adam ruling over her were curses.

It occurred to us during our discussion of it, that maybe, rather than God cursing them in these ways, that He was simply stating the results of their sin.
From that point on women would desire to be loved and men would desire to be obeyed.

What we see today is that (as some mentioned here) the men look at Ephesians and say "she doesn't obey me" and women look and say "he doesn't love me".
Ephesians is in fact talking about the saved man and woman being restored to the.original state of relationship, where the man loves his wife and the woman gladly submits to his loving rule.

Does that make sense, or have I completely mashed up my explanation? :D

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My wife and I were looking through Genesis 2 & 3 tonight and came across this verse in Ch 3.
16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

The interesting thing from this is the correlation to the Ephesians verses I already mentioned.

We were trying to figure out how Eve desiring her husband and Adam ruling over her were curses.

It occurred to us during our discussion of it, that maybe, rather than God cursing them in these ways, that He was simply stating the results of their sin.
From that point on women would desire to be loved and men would desire to be obeyed.

What we see today is that (as some mentioned here) the men look at Ephesians and say "she doesn't obey me" and women look and say "he doesn't love me".
Ephesians is in fact talking about the saved man and woman being restored to the.original state of relationship, where the man loves his wife and the woman gladly submits to his loving rule.

Does that make sense, or have I completely mashed up my explanation? :D

 

Never thought about it that way, but it makes perfect sense!

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My wife and I were looking through Genesis 2 & 3 tonight and came across this verse in Ch 3.
16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

The interesting thing from this is the correlation to the Ephesians verses I already mentioned.

We were trying to figure out how Eve desiring her husband and Adam ruling over her were curses.

It occurred to us during our discussion of it, that maybe, rather than God cursing them in these ways, that He was simply stating the results of their sin.
From that point on women would desire to be loved and men would desire to be obeyed.

What we see today is that (as some mentioned here) the men look at Ephesians and say "she doesn't obey me" and women look and say "he doesn't love me".
Ephesians is in fact talking about the saved man and woman being restored to the.original state of relationship, where the man loves his wife and the woman gladly submits to his loving rule.

Does that make sense, or have I completely mashed up my explanation? :D

 

Brother Dave,

 

I believe that I understand your point.  (Thus you did not completely "mash up" your explanation.)  However, I do not agree with your interpretation of closing statement of Genesis 3:16, primarily because I do not agree with your premise --
 

It occurred to us during our discussion of it, that maybe, rather than God cursing them in these ways, that He was simply stating the results of their sin.

 

I would strongly contend that the closing statement of Genesis 3:16 is a curse statement just as every other statement within Genesis 3:14-19.  In fact, there is no other statement in this entire curse context that carries either a neutral or a positive force for the individual to whom it is delivered.  (Certainly, the statement in verse 15 concerning the serpent's head being bruised by the woman's seed carries a positive salvation-force for us, but it does not carry a positive force for the serpent (the devil) to whom it was directly delivered.)  If then we recognize the closing statement of Genesis 3:16, which was specifically delivered to the woman, as a curse statement, we must ask -- In  what manner does it serve as a curse upon the woman?

 

"And thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

 

Herein the Hebrew word that is translated as "desire" indicates a strong attitude or feeling.  However, it does not inherent indicate either a postive or a negative force to that strong attitude or feeling.  It is by the context that we must determine whether the strong attitude or feeling carries a negative or a positive force.  (This Hebrew noun is employed only two other times in the Old Testament -- in Genesis 4:7 and in Song of Solomon 7:10.  In the context of Genesis 4:7, it carries a negative force; and in Song of Solomon 7:10, it carries a positive force.)  Since the context of Genesis 3:16 concerns the curse upon the woman (as I have contended above), I would conclude that the word is intended to carry a negative force in this statement. 

 

Furthermore, the preposition "to" of the prepositional phrase "to thy husband" indicates the direction of this strong attitude or feeling.  Indeed, from the time of sin's origin within human nature and of sin's corruption upon human character, the wife would naturally possess a strong, negative attitude directed toward (or, negatively against) her husband.  Yet in what way would she possess such a strong, negative attitude toward her husband?  Certainly, she would not possess such a strong, negative attitude against her husband's love for her, or against his care of her, or against his honor to her.  Rather, the wife would now naturally (in the selfishness of the sin nature) possess a strong, negative attitude against her husband's rule over her.  In fact, this is the intended point of the closing phrase in Genesis 3:16 -- "And he shall have rule over thee."  This phrase signals the relational element with her husband that the wife will naturally (in the selfishness of her sin nature) oppose. 

 

From the beginning, the man was created for the role of leadership; and the wife was created for the role of submission.  Before sin entered into the relationship, there was no conflict with this arrangement whatsoever.  Yet after the sin entered into the relationship and corrupted its God-ordained arrangement, the wife's selfish sin-nature would ever oppose this arrangement.  This would be a part of sin's curse upon her -- The God-ordained arrangement would remain in place, but her nature would now chafe under it. 

 

In like manner, the husband's selfish sin-nature would also chare under a particular aspect of this arrangement.  Certainly, it would not oppose the privileges of the leadership role.  Indeed, the husband's selfish sin-nature would now seek to exploit the privileges of that leadership role.  Rather, the husband's selfish sin-nature would now oppose the responsibilities of the leadership role.  This is signalled by the opening rebuke of Genesis 3:17 -- "And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife."  From the first temptation of the man and from his yielding to it, the selfish sin-nature of the husband would ever move him to chafe under the God-given responsibilities of his leadership role and to neglect those God-given responsibilities.

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Brother Dave,

 

I believe that I understand your point.  (Thus you did not completely "mash up" your explanation.)  However, I do not agree with your interpretation of closing statement of Genesis 3:16, primarily because I do not agree with your premise --
 

 

I would strongly contend that the closing statement of Genesis 3:16 is a curse statement just as every other statement within Genesis 3:14-19.  In fact, there is no other statement in this entire curse context that carries either a neutral or a positive force for the individual to whom it is delivered.  (Certainly, the statement in verse 15 concerning the serpent's head being bruised by the woman's seed carries a positive salvation-force for us, but it does not carry a positive force for the serpent (the devil) to whom it was directly delivered.)  If then we recognize the closing statement of Genesis 3:16, which was specifically delivered to the woman, as a curse statement, we must ask -- In  what manner does it serve as a curse upon the woman?

 

"And thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

 

Herein the Hebrew word that is translated as "desire" indicates a strong attitude or feeling.  However, it does not inherent indicate either a postive or a negative force to that strong attitude or feeling.  It is by the context that we must determine whether the strong attitude or feeling carries a negative or a positive force.  (This Hebrew noun is employed only two other times in the Old Testament -- in Genesis 4:7 and in Song of Solomon 7:10.  In the context of Genesis 4:7, it carries a negative force; and in Song of Solomon 7:10, it carries a positive force.)  Since the context of Genesis 3:16 concerns the curse upon the woman (as I have contended above), I would conclude that the word is intended to carry a negative force in this statement. 

 

Furthermore, the preposition "to" of the prepositional phrase "to thy husband" indicates the direction of this strong attitude or feeling.  Indeed, from the time of sin's origin within human nature and of sin's corruption upon human character, the wife would naturally possess a strong, negative attitude directed toward (or, negatively against) her husband.  Yet in what way would she possess such a strong, negative attitude toward her husband?  Certainly, she would not possess such a strong, negative attitude against her husband's love for her, or against his care of her, or against his honor to her.  Rather, the wife would now naturally (in the selfishness of the sin nature) possess a strong, negative attitude against her husband's rule over her.  In fact, this is the intended point of the closing phrase in Genesis 3:16 -- "And he shall have rule over thee."  This phrase signals the relational element with her husband that the wife will naturally (in the selfishness of her sin nature) oppose. 

 

From the beginning, the man was created for the role of leadership; and the wife was created for the role of submission.  Before sin entered into the relationship, there was no conflict with this arrangement whatsoever.  Yet after the sin entered into the relationship and corrupted its God-ordained arrangement, the wife's selfish sin-nature would ever oppose this arrangement.  This would be a part of sin's curse upon her -- The God-ordained arrangement would remain in place, but her nature would now chafe under it. 

 

In like manner, the husband's selfish sin-nature would also chare under a particular aspect of this arrangement.  Certainly, it would not oppose the privileges of the leadership role.  Indeed, the husband's selfish sin-nature would now seek to exploit the privileges of that leadership role.  Rather, the husband's selfish sin-nature would now oppose the responsibilities of the leadership role.  This is signalled by the opening rebuke of Genesis 3:17 -- "And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife."  From the first temptation of the man and from his yielding to it, the selfish sin-nature of the husband would ever move him to chafe under the God-given responsibilities of his leadership role and to neglect those God-given responsibilities.

 

I concur.  I think these behaviors and tendencies have become more pronounced over the last century or two with the rise of feminism as well as in the ever-present examples of husbands abusing their wives throughout the ages and cultures.  When we let our sin-nature take over, these curses begin to rear their ugly heads.  This is why a discussion/study such as this is so important.  We must learn to deny our selfish sin-nature and make an active effort to progress toward the godly husbands that we should be.

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Dave W, Fixation, Scott, and Matt (Brethren) excellent comments and thoughts started from a quiet devotion between husband and wife. There is some real meat here to sink my teeth into, I need some time to process all this.

 

One question the word "rule" here, I wish I had time to look it up but, I have an appointment tomorrow morning and have to hit the sack.

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I think the following point is very important and is a key ingredient to a healthy marriage, it comes under Bro. Scott's principle #3 The godly husband must continually pursue a one-flesh relationship with his wife.

The godly husband must make love to his wife, and must not restrict himself from her.

1 Corinthians 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. [3] Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. [4] The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. [5] Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

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One question the word "rule" here, I wish I had time to look it up but, I have an appointment tomorrow morning and have to hit the sack.


As Christian husbands we don't think of ourselves as "rulers" over our wives, but that is what we are according to scripture. God has set it up to be so, the man is the head of the home and that means he is to rule it in the fear of the Lord, and those under him are to submit and obey. All within the godly Christian home of course, it can't be successful any other way.

Hebrews 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

The above verse is within the church context but the principles of rulership can be applied in any God ordained position of authority, including the home.
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Well, that is the bit I didn't explain very well - I didn't mean to imply that the breakdown of relationship closeness was not a part of the curse.

The thing that struck me was that breakdown is mentioned in Gen 3, and we, as saved people, are called to work at those same parts in Eph 5.

Part of the old man - new man bit I think.

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Soj, on 15 February 2013, in post #19, said: 

This is good stuff brethren and worthy to be taken very seriously by us all, with point number 4 I often consider Ephesians 5:28-30 a huge and often daunting challenge, to emulate Christ's great love for the church and to love her as myself? I know I love my wife more than any other mortal, but fear I fall short of the expectations of this verse, it surely takes much self sacrifice and effort, perhaps over time I can achieve it...

 

Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

 

I thank God for a godly wife, she makes it so much easier to be a godly husband, amen.

 

musician4god1611, on 15 February 2013, in post #20, said: 

Ephesians 5:28 "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." I think of the things that annoy me and realize how they can make my whole day seem bad, so I have been trying to avoid the things that annoy my wife. Not because she would make my life miserable (she doesn't do that) but because I want to treat her like she is part of me. I would never be inconsiderate of myself so I don't want to be inconsiderate of her.


Indeed, in the context of loving our wives, Ephesians 5:28-30 presents two further principles for the godly husband in his relationship with his wife.  "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.  He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones."  In Ephesians 5:25 we husbands are instructed to love our wives "even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it."  In Ephesians 5:28 we husbands are then instructed to love our wives as our "own bodies," nourishing and cherishing them even as we naturally nourish and cherish ourselves.  This also we are to do even as our Lord Jesus Christ nourishes and cherishes the church, viewing the members of His church as the very members of His own body.  (Note:  Grammatically, it is of interest that in verse 25 Christ is presented as having loved (past tense) the church; whereas in verse 28 He is presented as loving the church by nourishing and cherishing (present tense) it.)  Even so --

 

The godly husband must nourish his wife as his own body, even as Christ nourishes the church as His own body.

 

The godly husband must cherish his wife as his own body, even as Christ cherishes the church as His own body.

 

 

So then, with the addition of these two principles, our list of principles for the godly husband is as follows:

 

  1.  The godly husband must leave his priority relationship with his parents. (Genesis 2:24)
  2.  The godly husband must continually cleave to his wife, and not ever allow himself to be separate in relationship from her.

       (Genesis 2:18, 24; Matthew 19:5-6)

  3.  The godly husband must continually pursue a one-flesh relationship with his wife. (Genesis 2:24)

  4.  The godly husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church. (Ephesians 5:25-28, 33; Colossians 3:19)

  5.  The godly husband must nourish his wife as his own body, even as Christ nourishes the church. (Ephesians 5:28-30)

  6.  The godly husband must cherish his wife as his own body, even as Christ nourishes the church. (Ephesians 5:28-30)

  7.  The godly husband must recognize his God-declared need for the help of his wife. (Genesis 2:18)

  8.  The godly husband must ever appreciate his wife as a good gift and precious treasure of the Lord's gracious favor.

       (Proverbs 18:22)

  9.  The godly husband must actively pursue a companionship with his wife as his dearest human friend. (Malachi 2:14)

10.  The godly husband must openly communicate with his wife in a gracious manner that is good to the use of edifying.

       (Ephesians 4:29; etc.)

11.  The godly husband must dwell at harmony with his wife in accord with his knowledge of her. (1 Peter 3:7)

12.  The godly husband must put forth the effort and energy to know his own wife as an individual. (1 Peter 3:7)

13.  The godly husband must specifically give honor unto his wife, as unto a precious treasure. (1 Peter 3:7)

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Considering Gen 3, I would like to submit that the cause of the original breakdown of relationship was the form of Adam's sin - that he put his love for his wife above his love for God.
A good husband will therefore, first and foremost be one who puts the Lord above his wife, but according to the many other posts and points, None and nothing other than the Lord above his wife.

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Considering Gen 3, I would like to submit that the cause of the original breakdown of relationship was the form of Adam's sin - that he put his love for his wife above his love for God.
A good husband will therefore, first and foremost be one who puts the Lord above his wife, but according to the many other posts and points, None and nothing other than the Lord above his wife.

 

Wow! I can't believe we overlooked this most important of all principles. Thanks Dave. 

 

Also, scripture and the triangle thing agree with your thought.

 

 

Luke 18
28 Then Peter said, Lo, we have left all, and followed thee.
29 And he said unto them, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God's sake,
30 Who shall not receive manifold more in this present time, and in the world to come life everlasting.
 
Note: This in no way authorizes a man to turn and run from the responsibilities to the family God gave him. It means to have God first (Peter still had a wife he cared for).
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