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Bible Study, Anyone? On Being A Godly Husband


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The Lord has truths to present from his word which are not always textbook definitions of the subject at hand. Take James chapter 3 for example (that's where my devotions were today), most of us are familiar with this chapter and the taming of the tongue. Yes, that unruly beast between the upper and lower molars can be very important in the relationship between a husband and wife. What words do we share with our wives, men? I know I don't tell my wife that I love her, enough. I don't praise her enough for the things she does routinely out of love for me, family, and others. Sometimes we men forget to use that tongue to praise our wives, hoping it will be understood. Our wives need kind and gentle words of praise just as much as they need that "peck on the cheek" we give and think we've just been intimate with her. So, what was the last praising words or words of affection you shared with your wife?

 

I fixed the drain beneath the kitchen sink yesterday. The trap had developed a leak (how many of us have been there before). Here is my wife coming back from time to time asking if she can help me and finally, after attempt #3 to stop the leaking from my new parts, success! What did my wife say to me? Thank you honey and gave me a hug around the neck. What a wonderful wife my Lord has given me, I don't deserve her; God's grace and gifts to his children are many times overlooked. When is the last time you thanked your wife and gave her a hug or a kiss for some task?

 

Today is the day I decided to start reading a Proverb a day with my daily reading during morning devotions. Its the 13th so I started with Proverbs 13. 

Now we know the context of James 3 is taming the tongue so, what does the Lord do he hits me with a double dose today...

 

"A man shall eat good by the fruit of his mouth: but the soul of the transgressors shall eat violence." Proverbs 13:2

 

Brothers, if you want to eat better, start today using your tongue to bless your wife. :)

Amen!

 

One thing I'm very glad I determined even before I was married was that my wife would hear me tell her I love her every day. It's not always been easy, especially during the firsts couple of years, but I'm thankful the Lord led me to do so. I do believe that just as our wives need to hear us tell them we love them, we ourselves need to hear us saying that. It serves as a reminder not only to our wives, but to ourselves as well.

 

Another matter I began when our children were young was thanking my wife when she would set the meal before us. I taught our children to thank their mom at each meal.

 

It's so easy in our natural way to take our wives for granted or to allow negative things to come out of our mouths more than good things, which is why we have to make a conscious effort in the power of Christ to speak words of love, gratitude and edification.

 

Thanks be to God for our good wives and may we submit to the Lord's leading so we may be good, godly husbands.

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The Lord has truths to present from his word which are not always textbook definitions of the subject at hand. Take James chapter 3 for example (that's where my devotions were today), most of us are familiar with this chapter and the taming of the tongue. Yes, that unruly beast between the upper and lower molars can be very important in the relationship between a husband and wife. What words do we share with our wives, men? I know I don't tell my wife that I love her, enough. I don't praise her enough for the things she does routinely out of love for me, family, and others. Sometimes we men forget to use that tongue to praise our wives, hoping it will be understood. Our wives need kind and gentle words of praise just as much as they need that "peck on the cheek" we give and think we've just been intimate with her. So, what was the last praising words or words of affection you shared with your wife?

 

Brother Dave,

 

In our marriage relationships, we husbands must ever remember the truth of Proverbs 18:21 -- "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."  Although context in the proverbial listings of the book of the Proverbs is somewhat differently structured than in other books of the Bible, I find it quite interesting that the very next verse speaks concerning the husband's relationship toward his wife, saying, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." (Proverbs 18:22)  Husbands, let us consider the precious treasure with which the Lord our God has so graciously favored us in our wives.  Then let us consider that the death or life of our wives' emotional and mental spirits, as well as the death or life of our one-flesh marriage relationships, is in the power of our own tongue. 

 

In my book on marriage, "God's Wisdom for Marriage & The Home," when presenting the list of Biblical responsibilities for a godly husband, I handle the matter of godly communication as a sub-point under the responsibility for the husband to pursue companionship with his wife.  In the closing portion of Malachi 2:14, the Lord our God speaks to the husband concerning his wife, saying, "Yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant."  Our Lord's use of the phrase "thy companion" for the husband's wife indicates the following principle:

 

The godly husband must actively pursue a companionship with his wife as his dearest human friend.

 

Now, open and good communication is a necessary element of any good friendship relationship; therefore, we may also present the following principle:

 

The godly husband must openly communicate with his wife in a gracious manner that is good to the use of edifying.

 

Ephesians 4:29 -- "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

 

 

So then, including these two contributions to the Bible study, we have the following principles:


1.  The godly husband must leave his priority relationship with his parents.

2.  The godly husband must continually cleave to his wife, and not ever allow himself to be separate in relationship from her.

3.  The godly husband must continually pursue a one-flesh relationship with his wife.

4.  The godly husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church.

5.  The godly husband must recognize his God-declared need for the help of his wife.

6.  The godly husband must actively pursue a companionship with his wife as his dearest human friend.

7.  The godly husband must openly communicate with his wife in a gracious manner that is good to the use of edifying.
 

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Brother Dave,

 

In our marriage relationships, we husbands must ever remember the truth of Proverbs 18:21 -- "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."  Although context in the proverbial listings of the book of the Proverbs is somewhat differently structured than in other books of the Bible, I find it quite interesting that the very next verse speaks concerning the husband's relationship toward his wife, saying, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." (Proverbs 18:22)  Husbands, let us consider the precious treasure with which the Lord our God has so graciously favored us in our wives.  Then let us consider that the death or life of our wives' emotional and mental spirits, as well as the death or life of our one-flesh marriage relationships, is in the power of our own tongue. 

 

In my book on marriage, "God's Wisdom for Marriage & The Home," when presenting the list of Biblical responsibilities for a godly husband, I handle the matter of godly communication as a sub-point under the responsibility for the husband to pursue companionship with his wife.  In the closing portion of Malachi 2:14, the Lord our God speaks to the husband concerning his wife, saying, "Yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant."  Our Lord's use of the phrase "thy companion" for the husband's wife indicates the following principle:

 

The godly husband must actively pursue a companionship with his wife as his dearest human friend.

 

Now, open and good communication is a necessary element of any good friendship relationship; therefore, we may also present the following principle:

 

The godly husband must openly communicate with his wife in a gracious manner that is good to the use of edifying.

 

Ephesians 4:29 -- "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

 

 

So then, including these two contributions to the Bible study, we have the following principles:


1.  The godly husband must leave his priority relationship with his parents.

2.  The godly husband must continually cleave to his wife, and not ever allow himself to be separate in relationship from her.

3.  The godly husband must continually pursue a one-flesh relationship with his wife.

4.  The godly husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church.

5.  The godly husband must recognize his God-declared need for the help of his wife.

6.  The godly husband must actively pursue a companionship with his wife as his dearest human friend.

7.  The godly husband must openly communicate with his wife in a gracious manner that is good to the use of edifying.
 

 

This is good stuff brethren and worthy to be taken very seriously by us all, with point number 4 I often consider Ephesians 5:28-30 a huge and often daunting challenge, to emulate Christ's great love for the church and to love her as myself? I know I love my wife more than any other mortal, but fear I fall short of the expectations of this verse, it surely takes much self sacrifice and effort, perhaps over time I can achieve it...

 

Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

 

I thank God for a godly wife, she makes it so much easier to be a godly husband, amen.

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I thank God for a godly wife, she makes it so much easier to be a godly husband, amen.

 

 

Good reply and brings another subtle point to my mind; about the reason for the "help meet." (Gen. 2:18)  A godly marriage does help us to have a spirit and truth relationship with our Lord. I wish I could draw that triangle description of God, man/husband, and woman/wife.

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Ephesians 5:28 "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." I think of the things that annoy me and realize how they can make my whole day seem bad, so I have been trying to avoid the things that annoy my wife. Not because she would make my life miserable (she doesn't do that) but because I want to treat her like she is part of me. I would never be inconsiderate of myself so I don't want to be inconsiderate of her.

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I've been on this site for a long time and this is typical. The sensational and argumentative style topics will get much attention while those of the nature of this thread get little.

 

As of this moment, this thread is getting better participation than most all attempts in the past with such threads.

 

In a way this is similar to most churches. There may be 200 members but typically only about 20 are very actively involved and maybe another 20 somewhat involved at times.

 

While I would like to see more threads like this one with much more involvement in such threads, I would say from experience here that the participation here so far is a good beginning. I hope and pray this may be something we can build upon.

 

Thread such as this are much more edifying than threads about shooting people or politics.

 

Thank you for starting this thread and thank you to all who participate. May the Lord teach us, grow us in Christlikeness and build us up in our inner man for His glory and honour.

 

Brother John,

 

I recognize that I am somewhat of a "newbie" on the forum, and that I do not have very much "seniority" herein.  Yet with whatever influence I am able to employ, I intend to fight hard for Bible study discussions such as this one.  With the help of those who have similar interest (with whom I have already had edifying fellowship), I possess great hope that much more Bible study discussion can be accomplished in the future.

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This is good stuff brethren and worthy to be taken very seriously by us all, with point number 4 I often consider Ephesians 5:28-30 a huge and often daunting challenge, to emulate Christ's great love for the church and to love her as myself? I know I love my wife more than any other mortal, but fear I fall short of the expectations of this verse, it surely takes much self sacrifice and effort, perhaps over time I can achieve it...

 

Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

 

I thank God for a godly wife, she makes it so much easier to be a godly husband, amen.

This is a challenge we all face. Our flesh is naturally selfish, the world teaches we have to look out for #1 (which they say is ourselves), and the devil continually tries to influence us to do anything that isn't in line with Scripture.

 

For myself, at different times over the years I've been married the Lord has saw fit to deal with me about some aspect at one point and latter another. While I might be thinking I'm not doing to bad, then comes the conviction of the Holy Ghost that I'm being selfish because when we go out to eat I try to make sure we end up at the place I want to go. Wow! I hadn't even thought of that before but then one day the Holy Ghost tossed that up and it hit me a good one.

 

I wish I could say I conquered that one and moved on, but even in this I still have to be on guard and make a conscious effort to give my wife consideration and not find myself trying to make sure my choice is where we go.

 

Sure, to some this seems like a little thing, but it's just one of the many aspects of my life I have to bring under the Lordship of Christ. Thankfully I've seen victory through Christ in some areas, I've made progress in others, and I'm certain the Lord will bring something else to my attention yet again.

 

Knowing Christ is with me and having brothers in Christ to share with, learn with and grow with, is a great help!

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Ephesians 5:28 "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." I think of the things that annoy me and realize how they can make my whole day seem bad, so I have been trying to avoid the things that annoy my wife. Not because she would make my life miserable (she doesn't do that) but because I want to treat her like she is part of me. I would never be inconsiderate of myself so I don't want to be inconsiderate of her.

Very good!

 

Years ago I decided it was necessary to realize my wife and I aren't the same! Some things I might thing is funny, playing, no big deal or whatever, she sees totally differently. Through much prayer and submitting to the Lord, I have endeavored to try not to "push her buttons", even on accident.

 

As Pastor pointed out above, death and life are in the power of the tongue and I want to speak life, not death, into our marriage and relationship. Scripture is so right that taming the tongue is of utmost importance and so very difficult to do. I still catch myself on occasion having spoken one sentence to many, saying something when saying nothing would have been better, or using the wrong word or tone. Thankfully, I tend to notice when this happens and am quick to pray for forgiveness and make correction with my wife.

 

I've noticed that with my own progress in this area my wife has also made progress in related areas, and this totally without me saying anything about those areas or her specifically seeking to address some aspect in her life in those areas.

 

The longer I'm married, the more I notice that when husband and wife seek to live their roles in accord with Scripture, there is much more harmony and much more "residual growth" in Christ. It seems that when one of us grows in Christ in some area, it's like a watering upon the other and there is growth in their life too. (I don't know if I said this good enough for anyone to understand!)

 

Suffice to say, striving to be a godly husband reaps a great many benefits all the way around!

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A few thoughts - husbands and wives MUST both be committed to serving God in their marriage. It is a partnership and union.
For it to be at it's best, both husband and wife must be committed to the Lord and each other - God's way.

God instituted marriage and it would make sense that He would have an opinion and some advice for it.

Ephesians 5 is one place we find this advice.

In that chapter we are given some commands from God for firstly the bride, and then for the groom, and then we are given the purpose for marriage.

Verse 22 speaks to the wife.
Ephesians 5:22 (KJV)
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Many people are offended by this concept of submission but they don're understand it nor put it into proper context.
To put it simply it means that the wife is to totally dedicated and commited to her husband. He is to be number one in her life, only after God and none other placed before him.
That means wife, that whatever situation you find yourself in, your very first thoughts should be about how it will relate to and affect your husband.

This will be made so much easier though if the husband also obeys the command to husbands which is found in verse 25

Ephesians 5:25 (KJV)
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

If you the husband will love his wife then it will be easy for her to submit to you.
Actually husband, the command to you is much harder than to the wife, as we are not talking about romantic love, but Bible love as it is described in 1 Corinthians 13.
That is where God talks about true Bible love and He says that you need to love your wife like that - with patience and kindness, not envious, nor proud, not badly behaved, nor selfish, not quickly angry, nor jumping to conclusion, not happy to see her sin, but rather to be happy to see her in righteousness, and loving her with truth, always supportive, always trusting, ALWAYS THERE!

You see you are to hold her also in the prime place of your life, after God alone and none else.

You both are commanded to hold the other in first place among men, with only God to stand higher.
And these are commands, not suggestions.

And the reason for this is found in verse 31 and following.
Ephesians 5:31-33
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church .
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love you wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Your marriage is to be an example to everyone around of the love displayed by God in sending His Son to die for our sins, and also of the reverence for Christ of sinners who are trusting God's loving provision for our salvation.

When people see your marriage they should be prompted to wonder at your love and respect for each other, and see that it springs forth out of your love and commitment to Christ.

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A few thoughts - husbands and wives MUST both be committed to serving God in their marriage. It is a partnership and union.
For it to be at it's best, both husband and wife must be committed to the Lord and each other - God's way.

God instituted marriage and it would make sense that He would have an opinion and some advice for it.

Ephesians 5 is one place we find this advice.

In that chapter we are given some commands from God for firstly the bride, and then for the groom, and then we are given the purpose for marriage.

Verse 22 speaks to the wife.
Ephesians 5:22 (KJV)
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Many people are offended by this concept of submission but they don're understand it nor put it into proper context.
To put it simply it means that the wife is to totally dedicated and commited to her husband. He is to be number one in her life, only after God and none other placed before him.
That means wife, that whatever situation you find yourself in, your very first thoughts should be about how it will relate to and affect your husband.

This will be made so much easier though if the husband also obeys the command to husbands which is found in verse 25

Ephesians 5:25 (KJV)
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

If you the husband will love his wife then it will be easy for her to submit to you.
Actually husband, the command to you is much harder than to the wife, as we are not talking about romantic love, but Bible love as it is described in 1 Corinthians 13.
That is where God talks about true Bible love and He says that you need to love your wife like that - with patience and kindness, not envious, nor proud, not badly behaved, nor selfish, not quickly angry, nor jumping to conclusion, not happy to see her sin, but rather to be happy to see her in righteousness, and loving her with truth, always supportive, always trusting, ALWAYS THERE!

You see you are to hold her also in the prime place of your life, after God alone and none else.

You both are commanded to hold the other in first place among men, with only God to stand higher.
And these are commands, not suggestions.

And the reason for this is found in verse 31 and following.
Ephesians 5:31-33
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church .
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love you wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Your marriage is to be an example to everyone around of the love displayed by God in sending His Son to die for our sins, and also of the reverence for Christ of sinners who are trusting God's loving provision for our salvation.

When people see your marriage they should be prompted to wonder at your love and respect for each other, and see that it springs forth out of your love and commitment to Christ.

Wonderful biblical truth! There is no better marriage than one where both husband and wife are truly committed to the Lord and obeying His Word.

 

It's also important for us husbands to take note that part of our headship in the home is biblically loving our wives. One of the ways we help our wives to learn and grow in the Lord, and to make things easier for her to do so, is by our example. When we love our wives in accord with Scripture we make the way much easier for our wives to walk in the biblical commands for wives.

 

One area I've seen many marriages suffer in is when the husband and wife pay more heed to the Word aimed at the other. One or both of them read the Word for the other and then push, prod and badger them to do what the Word says, while ignoring what the Word tells them to do. So many times I've heard husbands and wives declaring that as soon as their spouse starts doing what the Word says they will too. Often such an attitude comes with them saying they will push and push until their spouse gets it right.

 

To my shame, I did some of that early in my marriage. I would take note of the ways my wife wasn't meeting all the commands of Scripture for her and then bring it up often and basically tell her she needed to get her act together. Totally wrong and unhelpful! I'm thankful to the Lord I didn't push this as much as I've seen others (which I know I could have fallen into that) and the Lord brought my attention to the fact I'm responsible to learn what I'm commanded to do and to actually do that regardless of what my wife is or isn't doing. I also learned that by doing what the Lord commanded me I was setting an example for my wife, destressing our relationship, making her much more open to talking over the Word and seeking my guidance.

 

The Lord moving me in the right direction in this area (and other areas) came when I heard the pastor call the congregation to attention one day in the midst of his sermon and tell us not to be looking around or thinking of who needs to hear what he's saying or who needs to do what he's preaching. Our pastor said the truth is we each need to be hearing what he's preaching and examine our own lives to see if we are doing what the Word says. Amen!

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A godly husband needs to fulfil his God ordained position as the head of his wife.

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

I think many husbands neglect or ignore their position as head and the woman ends up taking over because someone has to do it, of course this is opposing God's will, it is the way of the world.

When a Christian husband steps up and takes leadership like he should then it pleases his wife, for she is wanting him to do it, wanting him to 'play the man' and 'wear the pants' in their home. Satan doesn't want this, that's why he's so busy trying to reverse the roles in the home in these last days, he's quite successful at it too!

Edited by Soj
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For informational purposes:

 

1.  I myself have been joyfully thrilled and spiritually encouraged by the participation and contributions over this past week.  I believe that it is appropriate and necessary for me to express this publicly due to my previous expression of grief and burden in post #3 at the lack of participation to that point.  I thank you for your participation in this Bible study discussion, and I look forward to more yet to come.

 

2.  In various of the contributions, we have touched upon some of the details involved in the principles for being a godly husband. This is to be expected in such a Bible study discussion.  In fact, when I started this discussion, I already intended the possibility (if things progressed well in this discussion) to expand the Bible study discussion into "expansion threads" for the purpose of examining these details (such as cleaving unto one's wife, love for one's wife, communication with one's wife, etc.) in greater Biblical depth.  I have not yet created any such "expansion threads" because I myself find it difficult to participate in too many such discussion at the same time.  I will procede with this plan -- when this particular broader discussion seems to be drawing to a conclusion (which is not yet the case in my opinion, since my own gathered list of responsibilities for a godly husband includes principles that have not even been mentioned yet), or when this broader discussion seems to be "pushing" for such an "expansion thread" on a particular matter, or when one of the participants in this broader discussion makes a strong request for such to be done. 

 

3.  As some may have noticed, I myself have been interacting with the contributions in this discussion primarily in the order in which they have been presented, and have been providing a summary list of principles to that point.  I am doing this because I strongly prefer organizational precision.  (Yes, my books are arranged by subject matter in alphabetical order by author; and yes, my shirts, ties, and dress pants are arranged in my closet by color.  Yes indeed, I am one of those types.)  I recognize that such a practice may appear awkward to some.  Thus I request that you might be patient with me.

 

4.  Some of the most recent contributions have included some emphasis upon the wife's responsibility toward her husband.  When I started this Bible study discussion, I wondered if there might be profit in doing a similar Bible study discussion on the Biblical principles for being a godly wife.  At this point I remain somewhat hesitant for the following reasons:  Will such a discussion be carried forward only by the men (not that this is completely unaccaptable)?  Will the women be interested in contributing equally with the men?  Will the women be offended by the men's contributions?  Will a regularity of interaction between the men and the women create conflicts?  (Note: My own wife can get somewhat uncomfortable by my own interacting over-much with women online.)

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1 Peter 3:7 - Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

 

I think there are a couple of principles/precepts we can glean from this verse.  First, we must recognize that our wives, as the weaker vessels, need and deserve our protection and physical help.  Indeed we, as men, are given a wife as a help meet (Gen 2:18).  It is to fill in our gaps as men, not to take some of our duties so we can relax.  It is therefore our responsibility to care for our wives to the best of our abilities which may include quite literally defending her life with ours or simply taking care of those physically demanding house chores that enable her to be a godly wife (e.g., fix the sink, carry the heavy box upstairs).

 

A second principle/precept we can take from this is that they are equal heirs to God’s grace.  I think a lot of times we men, as spiritual leaders of the household, have a tendency to assume that our take on things is the right one.  Something we must remember is that they receive the same Holy Spirit that we do and have equal access to God.  Godly husbands should never dismiss the input or concerns of their wives, particularly when they call us out on something.  Though we are the ones ultimately spiritually responsible for our family, we would be categorically stupid to accept and even seek the input of our wives.  As mentioned above, they are our help meet.  They fill our gaps; and that means both physically and spiritually.  I have to say that regardless of my wife’s level of spiritual growth relative to mine, she always makes me a better Christian because she shows me, often by example, of ways that I fall short and need to improve; even more so when she calls to my attention inconsistencies.  I must admit that it was my wife who pressed me to start us on faithful tithing, and what a blessing that has proven to be!

 

Brother Matt,

 

1 Peter 3:7 actually presents a number of principles for the godly husband.  Immediately, the two early verbs (the second being a verbal -- mentioned for the sake of the grammarians) signal two definite principles.  First, the godly husband must dwell at harmony with his wife in accord with his knowledge of her.  "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them [with your wives] according to knowledge."  Herein the word "abide" means "to live in a home with another."  However, when employed in a context where the emphasis is less about location and more about relationship, the word conveys the idea of living at home with another, that is -- abiding at harmony with another. 

 

Now, since this dwelling at harmony with one's wife is to be done "according to knowledge," this implies another principle for the godly husband -- The godly husband must put forth the effort and energy to know his own wife as an individual.  Indeed, the godly husband must put forth the effort and energy to know his wife's "individual personality, to know her individual joys and burdens, to know her individual likes and dislikes, to know her individual delights and annoyances, to know her individual pleasures and pains, to know her individual strengths and weaknesses, to know her individual hopes and fears.  In addition, the husband must come to know how his own wife thinks and feels differently from himself." (Excerpt taken from my book, "God's Wisdom for Marriage & The Home")

 

Second, the godly husband must specifically give honor unto his wife, as unto a precious treasure.  "Giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life."  In fact, grammatically the descriptives of the wife as "the weacker vessel" and as a joint-hear "of the grace of life" are directly tied to this principle of honor.  All of the things that you mention above (giving one's life to protect her, doing the physically (and emotionally) demanding chores for her, recognizing the spiritual character and wisdom in her, accepting spiritual counsel and correction from her, etc.) is all bound up in specifically giving this honor unto her.

 

Finally, the warning to the husband in the closing line of 1 Peter 3:7 is also worthy of great notice.  "That your prayers be not hindered."  If we husbands are not faithful in fulfilling our Biblical responsibilities toward our wives, then our sinful failure in this regard will hinder the effectiveness of our prayer lives.  In fact, then the Lord our God will reject our prayers.  So then, how much do we need each day to be on praying ground in order to "obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need"?  (Being a God-appointed pastor, I would also ask -- How much do we pastors need each day to be on praying ground concerning our ministries?)  Indeed, we husbands had better be more faithful in pursuing a good, godly relationship with our wives; and when we sinfully fail, we had better repent thereof before the Lord our God and our beloved wives.

 

So then, including these contributions to the Bible study, and including the principle that I presented in post #10 --

Proverbs 18:22, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD."


From the principle of this verse, I conclude that the husband must ever appreciate his wife as a good gift and precious treasure of the Lord's gracious favor.

 

We have the following list of principles:

 

  1.  The godly husband must leave his priority relationship with his parents. (Genesis 2:24)
  2.  The godly husband must continually cleave to his wife, and not ever allow himself to be separate in relationship from her.

       (Genesis 2:18, 24; Matthew 19:5-6)

  3.  The godly husband must continually pursue a one-flesh relationship with his wife. (Genesis 2:24)

  4.  The godly husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church. (Ephesians 5:25-28, 33; Colossians 3:19)

  5.  The godly husband must recognize his God-declared need for the help of his wife. (Genesis 2:18)

  6.  The godly husband must ever appreciate his wife as a good gift and precious treasure of the Lord's gracious favor.

       (Proverbs 18:22)

  7.  The godly husband must actively pursue a companionship with his wife as his dearest human friend. (Malachi 2:14)

  8.  The godly husband must openly communicate with his wife in a gracious manner that is good to the use of edifying.

       (Ephesians 4:29; etc.)

  9.  The godly husband must dwell at harmony with his wife in accord with his knowledge of her. (1 Peter 3:7)

10.  The godly husband must put forth the effort and energy to know his own wife as an individual. (1 Peter 3:7)

11.  The godly husband must specifically give honor unto his wife, as unto a precious treasure. (1 Peter 3:7)

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A few thoughts - husbands and wives MUST both be committed to serving God in their marriage. It is a partnership and union.
For it to be at it's best, both husband and wife must be committed to the Lord and each other - God's way.

God instituted marriage and it would make sense that He would have an opinion and some advice for it.

Ephesians 5 is one place we find this advice.

In that chapter we are given some commands from God for firstly the bride, and then for the groom, and then we are given the purpose for marriage.

Verse 22 speaks to the wife.
Ephesians 5:22 (KJV)
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Many people are offended by this concept of submission but they don're understand it nor put it into proper context.
To put it simply it means that the wife is to totally dedicated and commited to her husband. He is to be number one in her life, only after God and none other placed before him.
That means wife, that whatever situation you find yourself in, your very first thoughts should be about how it will relate to and affect your husband.

This will be made so much easier though if the husband also obeys the command to husbands which is found in verse 25

Ephesians 5:25 (KJV)
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

If you the husband will love his wife then it will be easy for her to submit to you.
Actually husband, the command to you is much harder than to the wife, as we are not talking about romantic love, but Bible love as it is described in 1 Corinthians 13.
That is where God talks about true Bible love and He says that you need to love your wife like that - with patience and kindness, not envious, nor proud, not badly behaved, nor selfish, not quickly angry, nor jumping to conclusion, not happy to see her sin, but rather to be happy to see her in righteousness, and loving her with truth, always supportive, always trusting, ALWAYS THERE!

You see you are to hold her also in the prime place of your life, after God alone and none else.

You both are commanded to hold the other in first place among men, with only God to stand higher.
And these are commands, not suggestions.

And the reason for this is found in verse 31 and following.
Ephesians 5:31-33
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church .
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love you wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Your marriage is to be an example to everyone around of the love displayed by God in sending His Son to die for our sins, and also of the reverence for Christ of sinners who are trusting God's loving provision for our salvation.

When people see your marriage they should be prompted to wonder at your love and respect for each other, and see that it springs forth out of your love and commitment to Christ.

 

I know this is my first comment in this thread, but I have been greatly edified by it. When Brother Dave referenced Ephesians 5:22, something struck me that I had never thought of before. I have read that particular verse many, many times and I was blinded to this simple truth because of my pride. The wife is commanded to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, and as Brother Dave pointed out, husbands are called to love their wife as Christ loved the church. I have struggled with this concept because my definition of 'love' was not the same as the Bible definition of 'love'. I would tell my wife that I love her every day, do nice things for her, and the like; but I had always maintained somewhat of an emotional distance from her.

 

I would like to say that it was due to how I dealt with being separated from her when I went on deployments, and that I had allowed it to stick around even after I had gotten back, but that is not the case. I realized that I had (have) a pride issue. I felt that I deserved her submission because of this passage. I think a lot of Christian men fall into the same trap. The thought that I had was this: I had a submission issue as well. I was demanding that my wife submit to me, but I was refusing to submit myself to Christ by fully following His teachings. What I had done was effectively picked out what parts fit best for me, and conveniently forgot the rest. I thank God that the Holy Spirit convicted me of this! Blinded by my pride, I had placed my marriage in a place where a lesser person would have left me years ago! Thank you Lord, for blessing a doofus like myself with a wife that loves You more than me! (I hope doofus doesn't offend anybody, if it does let me know and I will remove it).

 

By learning to submit myself to Christ, I learned to love her the way that Christ told me to. I hope that this all makes sense, as I am a little tired at the moment! I hate it when I feel like I'm just rambling. Brother Markel, thanks for hosting this thread, and I look forward to growing as a husband.

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