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Bible Study, Anyone? On Being A Godly Husband


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This thread discussion is an attempt to have a forum "Bible study" concerning that which the Lord our God desires and requires to be a godly husband.

 

The following question is the primary topic for this "Bible study" discussion:

 

According to God's Word, what all does the the Lord our God desire and require of the husband that he might be a godly husband in his relationship with his wife?

 

Now, since this is intended to be a "Bible study" discussion, I would request that Biblical support be provided with each answer that is given.

 

I pray that this "Bible study" discussion will truly move us as husbands to pursue that which the Lord our God Himself desire and requires of us in our marriage relationships.

 

(Note: In relation to the primary question of this "Bible study" discussion, I myself have presented a list of twelve Biblical requirements for the husband in two chapters of my book, "God's Wisdom for Marriage & The Home."  Those two chapters are entitle "Cleaving unto Thy Wife" (Part 1) & (Part 2).)

 

What then does God's own Word teach us concerning this matter?

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"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" Ephesians 5:25

 

This should be the foundation as this verse encompasses all the "practical" verses on the subject. Unfortunately, many today seem to have a misconception as to what "love" is or means. For too many men, this verse means little more than telling their wives "I love you" from time to time or buying them a gift on certain days.

 

Christ loved us so much He gave all of Himself for us in order to benefit us. Christ did this in a spirit of humility and kindness; not in a manner of a martyr or someone looking to show off their sacrifice to reap rewards. Christ willingly gave of his time, wisdom, talents and life for our sakes, and all this without complaining or saying, "Hey, look at Me, I'm really giving up a lot for you so you should show me some appreciation!"

 

How sad when a husband seems to be doing something loving for his wife only to ruin it by rubbing her nose in it, pointing out how much he gave up his golf game that he really wanted to play and missed seeing his friends he really wanted to see, and tells his wife how much she should appreciate he ruined his day for her and she should show some appreciation (he wants rewarded so he feels like he got something out of the deal).

 

Truly loving our wives is more than an emotional feeling, more than a duty, more than something to keep her off our backs.

 

As we look to how Jesus truly loved, we should model that in how we love our wives. We should put our wives first (after God, of course), ahead of our children, ahead of our extended families, ahead of our friends, ahead of our hobbies, ahead of work, ahead of all things in this world.

 

Some men say they would be willing to die for their wives and say this shows they love their wives as Christ loved the church. Yet these same men wouldn't wash the dishes for their wives. We are to love our wives in all things, not just the big "I'd die for you" one, but in the little things, the daily things too.

 

Our speech and actions should say "I love you" throughout the day, as we hold a door open for her, as we speak gently with her and offer her a hand after she accidently spills something, as we thank her for the meal she prepared, as we agree to do something she really likes even if we don't really care for it that much, as we hold her hand walking across the parking lot, as we ask if she needs anything or needs any help.

 

Some of this harkens to a previous post dealing with out tongues, our speech. It's not always a matter of what we say, but sometimes in how we say it. We need to be mindful of our tone, volume and word choice. Saying "I love you" in an angry huff certainly isn't showing true love!

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Brother John,

 

I thank you for your contribution to this Bible study discussion.  I have purposefully chosen to wait entire week before making any response, in order to see if any others would participate.  Yet it appears that even the crickets have now stopped chirping and have departed from the thread.  I must admit that I am a bit grieved by this neglect.  Throughout this past week, various controversial, sensational, and political discussions have acquired a significant amount of traction.  Yet a Bible study discussion . . . ?  It makes me wonder about the real interest of Fundamental Baptists for Bible study. 

 

Concerning your actual contribution and comments.

 

Seeking precision, I myself would contend that the responsibility for a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church is not the foundation principle, but is the framework principle that should be built upon the foundation.  (Please understand that I am not just expressing a disagreement in order to be a controversialist.)  Personally, I would contend that the foundational principles for marriage (and thus also concerning the Biblical responsibility of the husband) is to be found at the very creation of marriage.  In Genesis 2 we find the Biblical record concerning our Lord God's creation of marriage on the sixth day of the creation.  The Lord God created, not just a woman as the conterpart for the first man, but specifically a wife as an help meet for the first man.  First, representing the father figure, the Lord God gave the woman's hand in marriage to the first man; and the first man received his wife from the Lord's own hand. (Genesis 2:22-23)  Second, representing the officiating figure, the Lord God pronounced them as husband and wife, proclaiming the following three foundational principles for a good and godly marriage:

 

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)

 

Since this was pronounced at the very creation of the marriage relationship and before sin had entered to corrupt the marriage relationship, I would contend that these three principles are actually the foundational principles for the marriage relationship:

 

1.  The husband must leave his priority relationship with his parents.

2.  The husband must continually cleave unto his wife.

3.  The husband and wife must pursue a one-flesh relationship together.

 

Adding the Biblical requirement that you presented above concerning love, we now have a list of four Biblical requirements on being a godly husband.

 

4.  The husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church.

 

This certainly raises questions concerning what these requirements actually mean Biblically; however, I would prefer to wait on that aspect of this Bible study until we have considered more fully the list of Biblical requirements on being a godly husband.  So then, are there any other Biblical precepts or principles that might be added? 

 

(Note again to all contributors: Since this is intended to be a Bible study discussion, I would request that Biblical support be provided with each answer that is given.)

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Brother Scott.

Do not be too hasty to judge people's motives on this.
I for one would like to submit some thoughts, but my browsing, and therefore my time on OLB is primarily on my phone during spaces in my schedule. Itt is so inconvenient to type and particularly to copy and paste Bible passages.

As you have specifically asked for Bible quotes - which I agree with - I am waiting till I have "computer time" to study and write something for this. But as I work 4 days a week, my computer time is previous to me for other study.

We have an evangelist coming next week, and preparations for that will take any time I have so I will not be able to address this thread for another week and a half at least.

So, sometimes there are reasons.
And sometimes there are not....

Edited by DaveW
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Brother John,

 

I thank you for your contribution to this Bible study discussion.  I have purposefully chosen to wait entire week before making any response, in order to see if any others would participate.  Yet it appears that even the crickets have now stopped chirping and have departed from the thread.  I must admit that I am a bit grieved by this neglect.  Throughout this past week, various controversial, sensational, and political discussions have acquired a significant amount of traction.  Yet a Bible study discussion . . . ?  It makes me wonder about the real interest of Fundamental Baptists for Bible study. 

 

Concerning your actual contribution and comments.

 

Seeking precision, I myself would contend that the responsibility for a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church is not the foundation principle, but is the framework principle that should be built upon the foundation.  (Please understand that I am not just expressing a disagreement in order to be a controversialist.)  Personally, I would contend that the foundational principles for marriage (and thus also concerning the Biblical responsibility of the husband) is to be found at the very creation of marriage.  In Genesis 2 we find the Biblical record concerning our Lord God's creation of marriage on the sixth day of the creation.  The Lord God created, not just a woman as the conterpart for the first man, but specifically a wife as an help meet for the first man.  First, representing the father figure, the Lord God gave the woman's hand in marriage to the first man; and the first man received his wife from the Lord's own hand. (Genesis 2:22-23)  Second, representing the officiating figure, the Lord God pronounced them as husband and wife, proclaiming the following three foundational principles for a good and godly marriage:

 

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)

 

Since this was pronounced at the very creation of the marriage relationship and before sin had entered to corrupt the marriage relationship, I would contend that these three principles are actually the foundational principles for the marriage relationship:

 

1.  The husband must leave his priority relationship with his parents.

2.  The husband must continually cleave unto his wife.

3.  The husband and wife must pursue a one-flesh relationship together.

 

Adding the Biblical requirement that you presented above concerning love, we now have a list of four Biblical requirements on being a godly husband.

 

4.  The husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church.

 

This certainly raises questions concerning what these requirements actually mean Biblically; however, I would prefer to wait on that aspect of this Bible study until we have considered more fully the list of Biblical requirements on being a godly husband.  So then, are there any other Biblical precepts or principles that might be added? 

 

(Note again to all contributors: Since this is intended to be a Bible study discussion, I would request that Biblical support be provided with each answer that is given.)

As far as I can tell we are in agreement. I believe the first 3 points are encompassed in #4, but I have no problem with the way you choose to break it down.

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When I study the Bible I always like to start at the beginning, if possible.

Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

From this passage I learn the following:

1. The godly husband should not seek to be alone and separated from his wife.
2. The godly husband should allow his wife to help him.

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Brother Scott.

Do not be too hasty to judge people's motives on this.
I for one would like to submit some thoughts, but my browsing, and therefore my time on OLB is primarily on my phone during spaces in my schedule. Itt is so inconvenient to type and particularly to copy and paste Bible passages.

As you have specifically asked for Bible quotes - which I agree with - I am waiting till I have "computer time" to study and write something for this. But as I work 4 days a week, my computer time is previous to me for other study.

We have an evangelist coming next week, and preparations for that will take any time I have so I will not be able to address this thread for another week and a half at least.

So, sometimes there are reasons.
And sometimes there are not....

 

Brother Dave,

 

I thank you for your expression of interest in this Bible study and am encouraged by it.  I will take your counsel to be patient, at least for those who are providentially hindered in some manner (such as yourself).  I look forward to your contribution in the study, when you are providentially enabled to do so.

 

Concerning others' motives, I am not so much seeking to be judgmental, as I am simply grieved and burdened of heart.  Thus concerning those who have reasons of providential hinderance, I possess no judgment or grief.  Yet concerning those who do not . . . -- My heart carries a heavy burden of spiritual grief.

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The Lord has truths to present from his word which are not always textbook definitions of the subject at hand. Take James chapter 3 for example (that's where my devotions were today), most of us are familiar with this chapter and the taming of the tongue. Yes, that unruly beast between the upper and lower molars can be very important in the relationship between a husband and wife. What words do we share with our wives, men? I know I don't tell my wife that I love her, enough. I don't praise her enough for the things she does routinely out of love for me, family, and others. Sometimes we men forget to use that tongue to praise our wives, hoping it will be understood. Our wives need kind and gentle words of praise just as much as they need that "peck on the cheek" we give and think we've just been intimate with her. So, what was the last praising words or words of affection you shared with your wife?

 

I fixed the drain beneath the kitchen sink yesterday. The trap had developed a leak (how many of us have been there before). Here is my wife coming back from time to time asking if she can help me and finally, after attempt #3 to stop the leaking from my new parts, success! What did my wife say to me? Thank you honey and gave me a hug around the neck. What a wonderful wife my Lord has given me, I don't deserve her; God's grace and gifts to his children are many times overlooked. When is the last time you thanked your wife and gave her a hug or a kiss for some task?

 

Today is the day I decided to start reading a Proverb a day with my daily reading during morning devotions. Its the 13th so I started with Proverbs 13. 

Now we know the context of James 3 is taming the tongue so, what does the Lord do he hits me with a double dose today...

 

"A man shall eat good by the fruit of his mouth: but the soul of the transgressors shall eat violence." Proverbs 13:2

 

Brothers, if you want to eat better, start today using your tongue to bless your wife. :)

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1 Peter 3:7 - Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

 

I think there are a couple of principles/precepts we can glean from this verse.  First, we must recognize that our wives, as the weaker vessels, need and deserve our protection and physical help.  Indeed we, as men, are given a wife as a help meet (Gen 2:18).  It is to fill in our gaps as men, not to take some of our duties so we can relax.  It is therefore our responsibility to care for our wives to the best of our abilities which may include quite literally defending her life with ours or simply taking care of those physically demanding house chores that enable her to be a godly wife (e.g., fix the sink, carry the heavy box upstairs).

 

A second principle/precept we can take from this is that they are equal heirs to God’s grace.  I think a lot of times we men, as spiritual leaders of the household, have a tendency to assume that our take on things is the right one.  Something we must remember is that they receive the same Holy Spirit that we do and have equal access to God.  Godly husbands should never dismiss the input or concerns of their wives, particularly when they call us out on something.  Though we are the ones ultimately spiritually responsible for our family, we would be categorically stupid to accept and even seek the input of our wives.  As mentioned above, they are our help meet.  They fill our gaps; and that means both physically and spiritually.  I have to say that regardless of my wife’s level of spiritual growth relative to mine, she always makes me a better Christian because she shows me, often by example, of ways that I fall short and need to improve; even more so when she calls to my attention inconsistencies.  I must admit that it was my wife who pressed me to start us on faithful tithing, and what a blessing that has proven to be!

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Over the next few days, I intend to specifically engage the various contributions that have been made thus far.  However, with very little time before church tonight, I wish to present one additional truth on this very blessed day of my 20th anniversary.

 

Proverbs 18:22, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD."

 

From the principle of this verse, I conclude that the husband must ever appreciate his wife as a good gift and precious treasure of the Lord's gracious favor.

 

As for me, I thank the Lord for HIs gracious favor in granting me the precious treasure of my dearly beloved wife, Kerry, for these past twenty years.

Edited by Pastor Scott Markle
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Happy 20! What a great milestone. My wife and I turned 3 today as well. By God's grace she'll keep me around for 20.

 

Brother Matt,

 

Continue to build your marriage relationship on the foundation of God's Word and wisdom, and your marriage will be blessedly wonderful for each new year to come.  Certainly, there is a great deal of work and labor in maintaining and growing the one-flesh relationship of a good, godly marriage.  Such consistent, diligent work and labor is necessary in order to deny our own selfishness and in order to defeat ungodly influences.  Yet the return of a good, godly marriage relationship is well worth the investment of Spirit-filled work and labor.  Indeed, the one-flesh relationship of a good, godly marriage is wonderfully joyful and marvelous!  It is blessedly sweet and thrilling!  It is spiritually honorable and precious! 

 

Oh, how great it is to possess a lovingly knit, one-flesh relationship with your best (human) friend, to walk in close spiritual fellowship and deep loving friendship with your wife, to know that she walks in the love and fear of the Lord her God (and your God) above all else, to know that she will ever support you as a helper who is perfectly suitable for your need, to know that she walks in spiritual reverence toward you as her well-beloved husband, to know that she will ever do you good, and not evil, all the days of your life.  It has been twenty wonderfully blessed years of marriage, and I look forward to many years more to come.

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Sunday Night my Pastor was preaching on "The Husband's Broken Rib" and dwelling on the fact that in most marriages the damage to the wife is often the fault of the husband, and he brought out something that I had never considered before. In Ephesians 5:25-26 the Bible says, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of the water by the word,". He went on to explain that if our wives have spots or wrinkles it is partly (or completely as the case may be) the fault of the husband. We are to sanctify our wife, not through brow beating and finger pointing, but, rather, through the washing of the water by the word. If we want to be the husband to our wife that God expects us to be we need to treat her completely like He treats his church.

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When I study the Bible I always like to start at the beginning, if possible.

Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

From this passage I learn the following:

1. The godly husband should not seek to be alone and separated from his wife.
2. The godly husband should allow his wife to help him.

 

Brother "Soj,"

 

Your first point is the contrasting companion to the principle that a husband must continually cleave unto his wife.  Thus I would seek to join them as follows:

 

The godly husband should continually cleave unto his wife, and not ever seek to be separate in relationship from her.

 

Indeed, the instruction of our Lord against divorce actually carries a deeper Biblical principle than just opposition to divorcement.  In Matthew 19:5-6, having been challenged by the Pharisees concerning the matter of divorce, our Lord Jesus Christ declared, "And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?  Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."  First, our Lord Jesus Christ quoted Genesis 2:24; then He provided a divine commentary thereof.  Because the Lord our God Himself has put together the husband and the wife into a one-flesh relationship, no human individual should ever be involved in putting asunder this one-flesh relationship.  Certainly, this principle reveals our Lord God's opposition to divorce.  Yet the Biblical principle is greater -- No force of this world should ever be permitted to separate even to the smallest degree the one-flesh relationship of a marriage.

 

Concerning your second point, the godly husband should not simply allow his wife to help him, but should fully recognize that the Lord God Himself declared his need for the help of his wife.

 

So then, including your contribution to the Bible study, we have the following principles:

 

1.  The godly husband must leave his priority relationship with his parents.

2.  The godly husband must continually cleave to his wife, and not ever allow himself to be separate in relationship from her.

3.  The godly husband must continually pursue a one-flesh relationship with his wife.

4.  The godly husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church.

5.  The godly husband must recognize his God-declared need for the help of his wife.

Edited by Pastor Scott Markle
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Brother Dave,

 

I thank you for your expression of interest in this Bible study and am encouraged by it.  I will take your counsel to be patient, at least for those who are providentially hindered in some manner (such as yourself).  I look forward to your contribution in the study, when you are providentially enabled to do so.

 

Concerning others' motives, I am not so much seeking to be judgmental, as I am simply grieved and burdened of heart.  Thus concerning those who have reasons of providential hinderance, I possess no judgment or grief.  Yet concerning those who do not . . . -- My heart carries a heavy burden of spiritual grief.

I've been on this site for a long time and this is typical. The sensational and argumentative style topics will get much attention while those of the nature of this thread get little.

 

As of this moment, this thread is getting better participation than most all attempts in the past with such threads.

 

In a way this is similar to most churches. There may be 200 members but typically only about 20 are very actively involved and maybe another 20 somewhat involved at times.

 

While I would like to see more threads like this one with much more involvement in such threads, I would say from experience here that the participation here so far is a good beginning. I hope and pray this may be something we can build upon.

 

Thread such as this are much more edifying than threads about shooting people or politics.

 

Thank you for starting this thread and thank you to all who participate. May the Lord teach us, grow us in Christlikeness and build us up in our inner man for His glory and honour.

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