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Bible Study, Anyone? On Being A Godly Husband


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This thread discussion is an attempt to have a forum "Bible study" concerning that which the Lord our God desires and requires to be a godly husband.

 

The following question is the primary topic for this "Bible study" discussion:

 

According to God's Word, what all does the the Lord our God desire and require of the husband that he might be a godly husband in his relationship with his wife?

 

Now, since this is intended to be a "Bible study" discussion, I would request that Biblical support be provided with each answer that is given.

 

I pray that this "Bible study" discussion will truly move us as husbands to pursue that which the Lord our God Himself desire and requires of us in our marriage relationships.

 

(Note: In relation to the primary question of this "Bible study" discussion, I myself have presented a list of twelve Biblical requirements for the husband in two chapters of my book, "God's Wisdom for Marriage & The Home."  Those two chapters are entitle "Cleaving unto Thy Wife" (Part 1) & (Part 2).)

 

What then does God's own Word teach us concerning this matter?

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"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" Ephesians 5:25

 

This should be the foundation as this verse encompasses all the "practical" verses on the subject. Unfortunately, many today seem to have a misconception as to what "love" is or means. For too many men, this verse means little more than telling their wives "I love you" from time to time or buying them a gift on certain days.

 

Christ loved us so much He gave all of Himself for us in order to benefit us. Christ did this in a spirit of humility and kindness; not in a manner of a martyr or someone looking to show off their sacrifice to reap rewards. Christ willingly gave of his time, wisdom, talents and life for our sakes, and all this without complaining or saying, "Hey, look at Me, I'm really giving up a lot for you so you should show me some appreciation!"

 

How sad when a husband seems to be doing something loving for his wife only to ruin it by rubbing her nose in it, pointing out how much he gave up his golf game that he really wanted to play and missed seeing his friends he really wanted to see, and tells his wife how much she should appreciate he ruined his day for her and she should show some appreciation (he wants rewarded so he feels like he got something out of the deal).

 

Truly loving our wives is more than an emotional feeling, more than a duty, more than something to keep her off our backs.

 

As we look to how Jesus truly loved, we should model that in how we love our wives. We should put our wives first (after God, of course), ahead of our children, ahead of our extended families, ahead of our friends, ahead of our hobbies, ahead of work, ahead of all things in this world.

 

Some men say they would be willing to die for their wives and say this shows they love their wives as Christ loved the church. Yet these same men wouldn't wash the dishes for their wives. We are to love our wives in all things, not just the big "I'd die for you" one, but in the little things, the daily things too.

 

Our speech and actions should say "I love you" throughout the day, as we hold a door open for her, as we speak gently with her and offer her a hand after she accidently spills something, as we thank her for the meal she prepared, as we agree to do something she really likes even if we don't really care for it that much, as we hold her hand walking across the parking lot, as we ask if she needs anything or needs any help.

 

Some of this harkens to a previous post dealing with out tongues, our speech. It's not always a matter of what we say, but sometimes in how we say it. We need to be mindful of our tone, volume and word choice. Saying "I love you" in an angry huff certainly isn't showing true love!

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Brother John,

 

I thank you for your contribution to this Bible study discussion.  I have purposefully chosen to wait entire week before making any response, in order to see if any others would participate.  Yet it appears that even the crickets have now stopped chirping and have departed from the thread.  I must admit that I am a bit grieved by this neglect.  Throughout this past week, various controversial, sensational, and political discussions have acquired a significant amount of traction.  Yet a Bible study discussion . . . ?  It makes me wonder about the real interest of Fundamental Baptists for Bible study. 

 

Concerning your actual contribution and comments.

 

Seeking precision, I myself would contend that the responsibility for a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church is not the foundation principle, but is the framework principle that should be built upon the foundation.  (Please understand that I am not just expressing a disagreement in order to be a controversialist.)  Personally, I would contend that the foundational principles for marriage (and thus also concerning the Biblical responsibility of the husband) is to be found at the very creation of marriage.  In Genesis 2 we find the Biblical record concerning our Lord God's creation of marriage on the sixth day of the creation.  The Lord God created, not just a woman as the conterpart for the first man, but specifically a wife as an help meet for the first man.  First, representing the father figure, the Lord God gave the woman's hand in marriage to the first man; and the first man received his wife from the Lord's own hand. (Genesis 2:22-23)  Second, representing the officiating figure, the Lord God pronounced them as husband and wife, proclaiming the following three foundational principles for a good and godly marriage:

 

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)

 

Since this was pronounced at the very creation of the marriage relationship and before sin had entered to corrupt the marriage relationship, I would contend that these three principles are actually the foundational principles for the marriage relationship:

 

1.  The husband must leave his priority relationship with his parents.

2.  The husband must continually cleave unto his wife.

3.  The husband and wife must pursue a one-flesh relationship together.

 

Adding the Biblical requirement that you presented above concerning love, we now have a list of four Biblical requirements on being a godly husband.

 

4.  The husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church.

 

This certainly raises questions concerning what these requirements actually mean Biblically; however, I would prefer to wait on that aspect of this Bible study until we have considered more fully the list of Biblical requirements on being a godly husband.  So then, are there any other Biblical precepts or principles that might be added? 

 

(Note again to all contributors: Since this is intended to be a Bible study discussion, I would request that Biblical support be provided with each answer that is given.)

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Brother Scott.

Do not be too hasty to judge people's motives on this.
I for one would like to submit some thoughts, but my browsing, and therefore my time on OLB is primarily on my phone during spaces in my schedule. Itt is so inconvenient to type and particularly to copy and paste Bible passages.

As you have specifically asked for Bible quotes - which I agree with - I am waiting till I have "computer time" to study and write something for this. But as I work 4 days a week, my computer time is previous to me for other study.

We have an evangelist coming next week, and preparations for that will take any time I have so I will not be able to address this thread for another week and a half at least.

So, sometimes there are reasons.
And sometimes there are not....

Edited by DaveW
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Brother John,

 

I thank you for your contribution to this Bible study discussion.  I have purposefully chosen to wait entire week before making any response, in order to see if any others would participate.  Yet it appears that even the crickets have now stopped chirping and have departed from the thread.  I must admit that I am a bit grieved by this neglect.  Throughout this past week, various controversial, sensational, and political discussions have acquired a significant amount of traction.  Yet a Bible study discussion . . . ?  It makes me wonder about the real interest of Fundamental Baptists for Bible study. 

 

Concerning your actual contribution and comments.

 

Seeking precision, I myself would contend that the responsibility for a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church is not the foundation principle, but is the framework principle that should be built upon the foundation.  (Please understand that I am not just expressing a disagreement in order to be a controversialist.)  Personally, I would contend that the foundational principles for marriage (and thus also concerning the Biblical responsibility of the husband) is to be found at the very creation of marriage.  In Genesis 2 we find the Biblical record concerning our Lord God's creation of marriage on the sixth day of the creation.  The Lord God created, not just a woman as the conterpart for the first man, but specifically a wife as an help meet for the first man.  First, representing the father figure, the Lord God gave the woman's hand in marriage to the first man; and the first man received his wife from the Lord's own hand. (Genesis 2:22-23)  Second, representing the officiating figure, the Lord God pronounced them as husband and wife, proclaiming the following three foundational principles for a good and godly marriage:

 

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)

 

Since this was pronounced at the very creation of the marriage relationship and before sin had entered to corrupt the marriage relationship, I would contend that these three principles are actually the foundational principles for the marriage relationship:

 

1.  The husband must leave his priority relationship with his parents.

2.  The husband must continually cleave unto his wife.

3.  The husband and wife must pursue a one-flesh relationship together.

 

Adding the Biblical requirement that you presented above concerning love, we now have a list of four Biblical requirements on being a godly husband.

 

4.  The husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church.

 

This certainly raises questions concerning what these requirements actually mean Biblically; however, I would prefer to wait on that aspect of this Bible study until we have considered more fully the list of Biblical requirements on being a godly husband.  So then, are there any other Biblical precepts or principles that might be added? 

 

(Note again to all contributors: Since this is intended to be a Bible study discussion, I would request that Biblical support be provided with each answer that is given.)

As far as I can tell we are in agreement. I believe the first 3 points are encompassed in #4, but I have no problem with the way you choose to break it down.

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When I study the Bible I always like to start at the beginning, if possible.

Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

From this passage I learn the following:

1. The godly husband should not seek to be alone and separated from his wife.
2. The godly husband should allow his wife to help him.

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Brother Scott.

Do not be too hasty to judge people's motives on this.
I for one would like to submit some thoughts, but my browsing, and therefore my time on OLB is primarily on my phone during spaces in my schedule. Itt is so inconvenient to type and particularly to copy and paste Bible passages.

As you have specifically asked for Bible quotes - which I agree with - I am waiting till I have "computer time" to study and write something for this. But as I work 4 days a week, my computer time is previous to me for other study.

We have an evangelist coming next week, and preparations for that will take any time I have so I will not be able to address this thread for another week and a half at least.

So, sometimes there are reasons.
And sometimes there are not....

 

Brother Dave,

 

I thank you for your expression of interest in this Bible study and am encouraged by it.  I will take your counsel to be patient, at least for those who are providentially hindered in some manner (such as yourself).  I look forward to your contribution in the study, when you are providentially enabled to do so.

 

Concerning others' motives, I am not so much seeking to be judgmental, as I am simply grieved and burdened of heart.  Thus concerning those who have reasons of providential hinderance, I possess no judgment or grief.  Yet concerning those who do not . . . -- My heart carries a heavy burden of spiritual grief.

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The Lord has truths to present from his word which are not always textbook definitions of the subject at hand. Take James chapter 3 for example (that's where my devotions were today), most of us are familiar with this chapter and the taming of the tongue. Yes, that unruly beast between the upper and lower molars can be very important in the relationship between a husband and wife. What words do we share with our wives, men? I know I don't tell my wife that I love her, enough. I don't praise her enough for the things she does routinely out of love for me, family, and others. Sometimes we men forget to use that tongue to praise our wives, hoping it will be understood. Our wives need kind and gentle words of praise just as much as they need that "peck on the cheek" we give and think we've just been intimate with her. So, what was the last praising words or words of affection you shared with your wife?

 

I fixed the drain beneath the kitchen sink yesterday. The trap had developed a leak (how many of us have been there before). Here is my wife coming back from time to time asking if she can help me and finally, after attempt #3 to stop the leaking from my new parts, success! What did my wife say to me? Thank you honey and gave me a hug around the neck. What a wonderful wife my Lord has given me, I don't deserve her; God's grace and gifts to his children are many times overlooked. When is the last time you thanked your wife and gave her a hug or a kiss for some task?

 

Today is the day I decided to start reading a Proverb a day with my daily reading during morning devotions. Its the 13th so I started with Proverbs 13. 

Now we know the context of James 3 is taming the tongue so, what does the Lord do he hits me with a double dose today...

 

"A man shall eat good by the fruit of his mouth: but the soul of the transgressors shall eat violence." Proverbs 13:2

 

Brothers, if you want to eat better, start today using your tongue to bless your wife. :)

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1 Peter 3:7 - Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

 

I think there are a couple of principles/precepts we can glean from this verse.  First, we must recognize that our wives, as the weaker vessels, need and deserve our protection and physical help.  Indeed we, as men, are given a wife as a help meet (Gen 2:18).  It is to fill in our gaps as men, not to take some of our duties so we can relax.  It is therefore our responsibility to care for our wives to the best of our abilities which may include quite literally defending her life with ours or simply taking care of those physically demanding house chores that enable her to be a godly wife (e.g., fix the sink, carry the heavy box upstairs).

 

A second principle/precept we can take from this is that they are equal heirs to God’s grace.  I think a lot of times we men, as spiritual leaders of the household, have a tendency to assume that our take on things is the right one.  Something we must remember is that they receive the same Holy Spirit that we do and have equal access to God.  Godly husbands should never dismiss the input or concerns of their wives, particularly when they call us out on something.  Though we are the ones ultimately spiritually responsible for our family, we would be categorically stupid to accept and even seek the input of our wives.  As mentioned above, they are our help meet.  They fill our gaps; and that means both physically and spiritually.  I have to say that regardless of my wife’s level of spiritual growth relative to mine, she always makes me a better Christian because she shows me, often by example, of ways that I fall short and need to improve; even more so when she calls to my attention inconsistencies.  I must admit that it was my wife who pressed me to start us on faithful tithing, and what a blessing that has proven to be!

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Over the next few days, I intend to specifically engage the various contributions that have been made thus far.  However, with very little time before church tonight, I wish to present one additional truth on this very blessed day of my 20th anniversary.

 

Proverbs 18:22, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD."

 

From the principle of this verse, I conclude that the husband must ever appreciate his wife as a good gift and precious treasure of the Lord's gracious favor.

 

As for me, I thank the Lord for HIs gracious favor in granting me the precious treasure of my dearly beloved wife, Kerry, for these past twenty years.

Edited by Pastor Scott Markle
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Happy 20! What a great milestone. My wife and I turned 3 today as well. By God's grace she'll keep me around for 20.

 

Brother Matt,

 

Continue to build your marriage relationship on the foundation of God's Word and wisdom, and your marriage will be blessedly wonderful for each new year to come.  Certainly, there is a great deal of work and labor in maintaining and growing the one-flesh relationship of a good, godly marriage.  Such consistent, diligent work and labor is necessary in order to deny our own selfishness and in order to defeat ungodly influences.  Yet the return of a good, godly marriage relationship is well worth the investment of Spirit-filled work and labor.  Indeed, the one-flesh relationship of a good, godly marriage is wonderfully joyful and marvelous!  It is blessedly sweet and thrilling!  It is spiritually honorable and precious! 

 

Oh, how great it is to possess a lovingly knit, one-flesh relationship with your best (human) friend, to walk in close spiritual fellowship and deep loving friendship with your wife, to know that she walks in the love and fear of the Lord her God (and your God) above all else, to know that she will ever support you as a helper who is perfectly suitable for your need, to know that she walks in spiritual reverence toward you as her well-beloved husband, to know that she will ever do you good, and not evil, all the days of your life.  It has been twenty wonderfully blessed years of marriage, and I look forward to many years more to come.

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Sunday Night my Pastor was preaching on "The Husband's Broken Rib" and dwelling on the fact that in most marriages the damage to the wife is often the fault of the husband, and he brought out something that I had never considered before. In Ephesians 5:25-26 the Bible says, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of the water by the word,". He went on to explain that if our wives have spots or wrinkles it is partly (or completely as the case may be) the fault of the husband. We are to sanctify our wife, not through brow beating and finger pointing, but, rather, through the washing of the water by the word. If we want to be the husband to our wife that God expects us to be we need to treat her completely like He treats his church.

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When I study the Bible I always like to start at the beginning, if possible.

Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

From this passage I learn the following:

1. The godly husband should not seek to be alone and separated from his wife.
2. The godly husband should allow his wife to help him.

 

Brother "Soj,"

 

Your first point is the contrasting companion to the principle that a husband must continually cleave unto his wife.  Thus I would seek to join them as follows:

 

The godly husband should continually cleave unto his wife, and not ever seek to be separate in relationship from her.

 

Indeed, the instruction of our Lord against divorce actually carries a deeper Biblical principle than just opposition to divorcement.  In Matthew 19:5-6, having been challenged by the Pharisees concerning the matter of divorce, our Lord Jesus Christ declared, "And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?  Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."  First, our Lord Jesus Christ quoted Genesis 2:24; then He provided a divine commentary thereof.  Because the Lord our God Himself has put together the husband and the wife into a one-flesh relationship, no human individual should ever be involved in putting asunder this one-flesh relationship.  Certainly, this principle reveals our Lord God's opposition to divorce.  Yet the Biblical principle is greater -- No force of this world should ever be permitted to separate even to the smallest degree the one-flesh relationship of a marriage.

 

Concerning your second point, the godly husband should not simply allow his wife to help him, but should fully recognize that the Lord God Himself declared his need for the help of his wife.

 

So then, including your contribution to the Bible study, we have the following principles:

 

1.  The godly husband must leave his priority relationship with his parents.

2.  The godly husband must continually cleave to his wife, and not ever allow himself to be separate in relationship from her.

3.  The godly husband must continually pursue a one-flesh relationship with his wife.

4.  The godly husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church.

5.  The godly husband must recognize his God-declared need for the help of his wife.

Edited by Pastor Scott Markle
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Brother Dave,

 

I thank you for your expression of interest in this Bible study and am encouraged by it.  I will take your counsel to be patient, at least for those who are providentially hindered in some manner (such as yourself).  I look forward to your contribution in the study, when you are providentially enabled to do so.

 

Concerning others' motives, I am not so much seeking to be judgmental, as I am simply grieved and burdened of heart.  Thus concerning those who have reasons of providential hinderance, I possess no judgment or grief.  Yet concerning those who do not . . . -- My heart carries a heavy burden of spiritual grief.

I've been on this site for a long time and this is typical. The sensational and argumentative style topics will get much attention while those of the nature of this thread get little.

 

As of this moment, this thread is getting better participation than most all attempts in the past with such threads.

 

In a way this is similar to most churches. There may be 200 members but typically only about 20 are very actively involved and maybe another 20 somewhat involved at times.

 

While I would like to see more threads like this one with much more involvement in such threads, I would say from experience here that the participation here so far is a good beginning. I hope and pray this may be something we can build upon.

 

Thread such as this are much more edifying than threads about shooting people or politics.

 

Thank you for starting this thread and thank you to all who participate. May the Lord teach us, grow us in Christlikeness and build us up in our inner man for His glory and honour.

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The Lord has truths to present from his word which are not always textbook definitions of the subject at hand. Take James chapter 3 for example (that's where my devotions were today), most of us are familiar with this chapter and the taming of the tongue. Yes, that unruly beast between the upper and lower molars can be very important in the relationship between a husband and wife. What words do we share with our wives, men? I know I don't tell my wife that I love her, enough. I don't praise her enough for the things she does routinely out of love for me, family, and others. Sometimes we men forget to use that tongue to praise our wives, hoping it will be understood. Our wives need kind and gentle words of praise just as much as they need that "peck on the cheek" we give and think we've just been intimate with her. So, what was the last praising words or words of affection you shared with your wife?

 

I fixed the drain beneath the kitchen sink yesterday. The trap had developed a leak (how many of us have been there before). Here is my wife coming back from time to time asking if she can help me and finally, after attempt #3 to stop the leaking from my new parts, success! What did my wife say to me? Thank you honey and gave me a hug around the neck. What a wonderful wife my Lord has given me, I don't deserve her; God's grace and gifts to his children are many times overlooked. When is the last time you thanked your wife and gave her a hug or a kiss for some task?

 

Today is the day I decided to start reading a Proverb a day with my daily reading during morning devotions. Its the 13th so I started with Proverbs 13. 

Now we know the context of James 3 is taming the tongue so, what does the Lord do he hits me with a double dose today...

 

"A man shall eat good by the fruit of his mouth: but the soul of the transgressors shall eat violence." Proverbs 13:2

 

Brothers, if you want to eat better, start today using your tongue to bless your wife. :)

Amen!

 

One thing I'm very glad I determined even before I was married was that my wife would hear me tell her I love her every day. It's not always been easy, especially during the firsts couple of years, but I'm thankful the Lord led me to do so. I do believe that just as our wives need to hear us tell them we love them, we ourselves need to hear us saying that. It serves as a reminder not only to our wives, but to ourselves as well.

 

Another matter I began when our children were young was thanking my wife when she would set the meal before us. I taught our children to thank their mom at each meal.

 

It's so easy in our natural way to take our wives for granted or to allow negative things to come out of our mouths more than good things, which is why we have to make a conscious effort in the power of Christ to speak words of love, gratitude and edification.

 

Thanks be to God for our good wives and may we submit to the Lord's leading so we may be good, godly husbands.

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The Lord has truths to present from his word which are not always textbook definitions of the subject at hand. Take James chapter 3 for example (that's where my devotions were today), most of us are familiar with this chapter and the taming of the tongue. Yes, that unruly beast between the upper and lower molars can be very important in the relationship between a husband and wife. What words do we share with our wives, men? I know I don't tell my wife that I love her, enough. I don't praise her enough for the things she does routinely out of love for me, family, and others. Sometimes we men forget to use that tongue to praise our wives, hoping it will be understood. Our wives need kind and gentle words of praise just as much as they need that "peck on the cheek" we give and think we've just been intimate with her. So, what was the last praising words or words of affection you shared with your wife?

 

Brother Dave,

 

In our marriage relationships, we husbands must ever remember the truth of Proverbs 18:21 -- "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."  Although context in the proverbial listings of the book of the Proverbs is somewhat differently structured than in other books of the Bible, I find it quite interesting that the very next verse speaks concerning the husband's relationship toward his wife, saying, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." (Proverbs 18:22)  Husbands, let us consider the precious treasure with which the Lord our God has so graciously favored us in our wives.  Then let us consider that the death or life of our wives' emotional and mental spirits, as well as the death or life of our one-flesh marriage relationships, is in the power of our own tongue. 

 

In my book on marriage, "God's Wisdom for Marriage & The Home," when presenting the list of Biblical responsibilities for a godly husband, I handle the matter of godly communication as a sub-point under the responsibility for the husband to pursue companionship with his wife.  In the closing portion of Malachi 2:14, the Lord our God speaks to the husband concerning his wife, saying, "Yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant."  Our Lord's use of the phrase "thy companion" for the husband's wife indicates the following principle:

 

The godly husband must actively pursue a companionship with his wife as his dearest human friend.

 

Now, open and good communication is a necessary element of any good friendship relationship; therefore, we may also present the following principle:

 

The godly husband must openly communicate with his wife in a gracious manner that is good to the use of edifying.

 

Ephesians 4:29 -- "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

 

 

So then, including these two contributions to the Bible study, we have the following principles:


1.  The godly husband must leave his priority relationship with his parents.

2.  The godly husband must continually cleave to his wife, and not ever allow himself to be separate in relationship from her.

3.  The godly husband must continually pursue a one-flesh relationship with his wife.

4.  The godly husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church.

5.  The godly husband must recognize his God-declared need for the help of his wife.

6.  The godly husband must actively pursue a companionship with his wife as his dearest human friend.

7.  The godly husband must openly communicate with his wife in a gracious manner that is good to the use of edifying.
 

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Brother Dave,

 

In our marriage relationships, we husbands must ever remember the truth of Proverbs 18:21 -- "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."  Although context in the proverbial listings of the book of the Proverbs is somewhat differently structured than in other books of the Bible, I find it quite interesting that the very next verse speaks concerning the husband's relationship toward his wife, saying, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." (Proverbs 18:22)  Husbands, let us consider the precious treasure with which the Lord our God has so graciously favored us in our wives.  Then let us consider that the death or life of our wives' emotional and mental spirits, as well as the death or life of our one-flesh marriage relationships, is in the power of our own tongue. 

 

In my book on marriage, "God's Wisdom for Marriage & The Home," when presenting the list of Biblical responsibilities for a godly husband, I handle the matter of godly communication as a sub-point under the responsibility for the husband to pursue companionship with his wife.  In the closing portion of Malachi 2:14, the Lord our God speaks to the husband concerning his wife, saying, "Yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant."  Our Lord's use of the phrase "thy companion" for the husband's wife indicates the following principle:

 

The godly husband must actively pursue a companionship with his wife as his dearest human friend.

 

Now, open and good communication is a necessary element of any good friendship relationship; therefore, we may also present the following principle:

 

The godly husband must openly communicate with his wife in a gracious manner that is good to the use of edifying.

 

Ephesians 4:29 -- "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

 

 

So then, including these two contributions to the Bible study, we have the following principles:


1.  The godly husband must leave his priority relationship with his parents.

2.  The godly husband must continually cleave to his wife, and not ever allow himself to be separate in relationship from her.

3.  The godly husband must continually pursue a one-flesh relationship with his wife.

4.  The godly husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church.

5.  The godly husband must recognize his God-declared need for the help of his wife.

6.  The godly husband must actively pursue a companionship with his wife as his dearest human friend.

7.  The godly husband must openly communicate with his wife in a gracious manner that is good to the use of edifying.
 

 

This is good stuff brethren and worthy to be taken very seriously by us all, with point number 4 I often consider Ephesians 5:28-30 a huge and often daunting challenge, to emulate Christ's great love for the church and to love her as myself? I know I love my wife more than any other mortal, but fear I fall short of the expectations of this verse, it surely takes much self sacrifice and effort, perhaps over time I can achieve it...

 

Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

 

I thank God for a godly wife, she makes it so much easier to be a godly husband, amen.

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I thank God for a godly wife, she makes it so much easier to be a godly husband, amen.

 

 

Good reply and brings another subtle point to my mind; about the reason for the "help meet." (Gen. 2:18)  A godly marriage does help us to have a spirit and truth relationship with our Lord. I wish I could draw that triangle description of God, man/husband, and woman/wife.

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Ephesians 5:28 "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." I think of the things that annoy me and realize how they can make my whole day seem bad, so I have been trying to avoid the things that annoy my wife. Not because she would make my life miserable (she doesn't do that) but because I want to treat her like she is part of me. I would never be inconsiderate of myself so I don't want to be inconsiderate of her.

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I've been on this site for a long time and this is typical. The sensational and argumentative style topics will get much attention while those of the nature of this thread get little.

 

As of this moment, this thread is getting better participation than most all attempts in the past with such threads.

 

In a way this is similar to most churches. There may be 200 members but typically only about 20 are very actively involved and maybe another 20 somewhat involved at times.

 

While I would like to see more threads like this one with much more involvement in such threads, I would say from experience here that the participation here so far is a good beginning. I hope and pray this may be something we can build upon.

 

Thread such as this are much more edifying than threads about shooting people or politics.

 

Thank you for starting this thread and thank you to all who participate. May the Lord teach us, grow us in Christlikeness and build us up in our inner man for His glory and honour.

 

Brother John,

 

I recognize that I am somewhat of a "newbie" on the forum, and that I do not have very much "seniority" herein.  Yet with whatever influence I am able to employ, I intend to fight hard for Bible study discussions such as this one.  With the help of those who have similar interest (with whom I have already had edifying fellowship), I possess great hope that much more Bible study discussion can be accomplished in the future.

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This is good stuff brethren and worthy to be taken very seriously by us all, with point number 4 I often consider Ephesians 5:28-30 a huge and often daunting challenge, to emulate Christ's great love for the church and to love her as myself? I know I love my wife more than any other mortal, but fear I fall short of the expectations of this verse, it surely takes much self sacrifice and effort, perhaps over time I can achieve it...

 

Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

 

I thank God for a godly wife, she makes it so much easier to be a godly husband, amen.

This is a challenge we all face. Our flesh is naturally selfish, the world teaches we have to look out for #1 (which they say is ourselves), and the devil continually tries to influence us to do anything that isn't in line with Scripture.

 

For myself, at different times over the years I've been married the Lord has saw fit to deal with me about some aspect at one point and latter another. While I might be thinking I'm not doing to bad, then comes the conviction of the Holy Ghost that I'm being selfish because when we go out to eat I try to make sure we end up at the place I want to go. Wow! I hadn't even thought of that before but then one day the Holy Ghost tossed that up and it hit me a good one.

 

I wish I could say I conquered that one and moved on, but even in this I still have to be on guard and make a conscious effort to give my wife consideration and not find myself trying to make sure my choice is where we go.

 

Sure, to some this seems like a little thing, but it's just one of the many aspects of my life I have to bring under the Lordship of Christ. Thankfully I've seen victory through Christ in some areas, I've made progress in others, and I'm certain the Lord will bring something else to my attention yet again.

 

Knowing Christ is with me and having brothers in Christ to share with, learn with and grow with, is a great help!

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Ephesians 5:28 "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." I think of the things that annoy me and realize how they can make my whole day seem bad, so I have been trying to avoid the things that annoy my wife. Not because she would make my life miserable (she doesn't do that) but because I want to treat her like she is part of me. I would never be inconsiderate of myself so I don't want to be inconsiderate of her.

Very good!

 

Years ago I decided it was necessary to realize my wife and I aren't the same! Some things I might thing is funny, playing, no big deal or whatever, she sees totally differently. Through much prayer and submitting to the Lord, I have endeavored to try not to "push her buttons", even on accident.

 

As Pastor pointed out above, death and life are in the power of the tongue and I want to speak life, not death, into our marriage and relationship. Scripture is so right that taming the tongue is of utmost importance and so very difficult to do. I still catch myself on occasion having spoken one sentence to many, saying something when saying nothing would have been better, or using the wrong word or tone. Thankfully, I tend to notice when this happens and am quick to pray for forgiveness and make correction with my wife.

 

I've noticed that with my own progress in this area my wife has also made progress in related areas, and this totally without me saying anything about those areas or her specifically seeking to address some aspect in her life in those areas.

 

The longer I'm married, the more I notice that when husband and wife seek to live their roles in accord with Scripture, there is much more harmony and much more "residual growth" in Christ. It seems that when one of us grows in Christ in some area, it's like a watering upon the other and there is growth in their life too. (I don't know if I said this good enough for anyone to understand!)

 

Suffice to say, striving to be a godly husband reaps a great many benefits all the way around!

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A few thoughts - husbands and wives MUST both be committed to serving God in their marriage. It is a partnership and union.
For it to be at it's best, both husband and wife must be committed to the Lord and each other - God's way.

God instituted marriage and it would make sense that He would have an opinion and some advice for it.

Ephesians 5 is one place we find this advice.

In that chapter we are given some commands from God for firstly the bride, and then for the groom, and then we are given the purpose for marriage.

Verse 22 speaks to the wife.
Ephesians 5:22 (KJV)
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Many people are offended by this concept of submission but they don're understand it nor put it into proper context.
To put it simply it means that the wife is to totally dedicated and commited to her husband. He is to be number one in her life, only after God and none other placed before him.
That means wife, that whatever situation you find yourself in, your very first thoughts should be about how it will relate to and affect your husband.

This will be made so much easier though if the husband also obeys the command to husbands which is found in verse 25

Ephesians 5:25 (KJV)
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

If you the husband will love his wife then it will be easy for her to submit to you.
Actually husband, the command to you is much harder than to the wife, as we are not talking about romantic love, but Bible love as it is described in 1 Corinthians 13.
That is where God talks about true Bible love and He says that you need to love your wife like that - with patience and kindness, not envious, nor proud, not badly behaved, nor selfish, not quickly angry, nor jumping to conclusion, not happy to see her sin, but rather to be happy to see her in righteousness, and loving her with truth, always supportive, always trusting, ALWAYS THERE!

You see you are to hold her also in the prime place of your life, after God alone and none else.

You both are commanded to hold the other in first place among men, with only God to stand higher.
And these are commands, not suggestions.

And the reason for this is found in verse 31 and following.
Ephesians 5:31-33
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church .
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love you wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Your marriage is to be an example to everyone around of the love displayed by God in sending His Son to die for our sins, and also of the reverence for Christ of sinners who are trusting God's loving provision for our salvation.

When people see your marriage they should be prompted to wonder at your love and respect for each other, and see that it springs forth out of your love and commitment to Christ.

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A few thoughts - husbands and wives MUST both be committed to serving God in their marriage. It is a partnership and union.
For it to be at it's best, both husband and wife must be committed to the Lord and each other - God's way.

God instituted marriage and it would make sense that He would have an opinion and some advice for it.

Ephesians 5 is one place we find this advice.

In that chapter we are given some commands from God for firstly the bride, and then for the groom, and then we are given the purpose for marriage.

Verse 22 speaks to the wife.
Ephesians 5:22 (KJV)
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Many people are offended by this concept of submission but they don're understand it nor put it into proper context.
To put it simply it means that the wife is to totally dedicated and commited to her husband. He is to be number one in her life, only after God and none other placed before him.
That means wife, that whatever situation you find yourself in, your very first thoughts should be about how it will relate to and affect your husband.

This will be made so much easier though if the husband also obeys the command to husbands which is found in verse 25

Ephesians 5:25 (KJV)
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

If you the husband will love his wife then it will be easy for her to submit to you.
Actually husband, the command to you is much harder than to the wife, as we are not talking about romantic love, but Bible love as it is described in 1 Corinthians 13.
That is where God talks about true Bible love and He says that you need to love your wife like that - with patience and kindness, not envious, nor proud, not badly behaved, nor selfish, not quickly angry, nor jumping to conclusion, not happy to see her sin, but rather to be happy to see her in righteousness, and loving her with truth, always supportive, always trusting, ALWAYS THERE!

You see you are to hold her also in the prime place of your life, after God alone and none else.

You both are commanded to hold the other in first place among men, with only God to stand higher.
And these are commands, not suggestions.

And the reason for this is found in verse 31 and following.
Ephesians 5:31-33
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church .
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love you wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Your marriage is to be an example to everyone around of the love displayed by God in sending His Son to die for our sins, and also of the reverence for Christ of sinners who are trusting God's loving provision for our salvation.

When people see your marriage they should be prompted to wonder at your love and respect for each other, and see that it springs forth out of your love and commitment to Christ.

Wonderful biblical truth! There is no better marriage than one where both husband and wife are truly committed to the Lord and obeying His Word.

 

It's also important for us husbands to take note that part of our headship in the home is biblically loving our wives. One of the ways we help our wives to learn and grow in the Lord, and to make things easier for her to do so, is by our example. When we love our wives in accord with Scripture we make the way much easier for our wives to walk in the biblical commands for wives.

 

One area I've seen many marriages suffer in is when the husband and wife pay more heed to the Word aimed at the other. One or both of them read the Word for the other and then push, prod and badger them to do what the Word says, while ignoring what the Word tells them to do. So many times I've heard husbands and wives declaring that as soon as their spouse starts doing what the Word says they will too. Often such an attitude comes with them saying they will push and push until their spouse gets it right.

 

To my shame, I did some of that early in my marriage. I would take note of the ways my wife wasn't meeting all the commands of Scripture for her and then bring it up often and basically tell her she needed to get her act together. Totally wrong and unhelpful! I'm thankful to the Lord I didn't push this as much as I've seen others (which I know I could have fallen into that) and the Lord brought my attention to the fact I'm responsible to learn what I'm commanded to do and to actually do that regardless of what my wife is or isn't doing. I also learned that by doing what the Lord commanded me I was setting an example for my wife, destressing our relationship, making her much more open to talking over the Word and seeking my guidance.

 

The Lord moving me in the right direction in this area (and other areas) came when I heard the pastor call the congregation to attention one day in the midst of his sermon and tell us not to be looking around or thinking of who needs to hear what he's saying or who needs to do what he's preaching. Our pastor said the truth is we each need to be hearing what he's preaching and examine our own lives to see if we are doing what the Word says. Amen!

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A godly husband needs to fulfil his God ordained position as the head of his wife.

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

I think many husbands neglect or ignore their position as head and the woman ends up taking over because someone has to do it, of course this is opposing God's will, it is the way of the world.

When a Christian husband steps up and takes leadership like he should then it pleases his wife, for she is wanting him to do it, wanting him to 'play the man' and 'wear the pants' in their home. Satan doesn't want this, that's why he's so busy trying to reverse the roles in the home in these last days, he's quite successful at it too!

Edited by Soj
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For informational purposes:

 

1.  I myself have been joyfully thrilled and spiritually encouraged by the participation and contributions over this past week.  I believe that it is appropriate and necessary for me to express this publicly due to my previous expression of grief and burden in post #3 at the lack of participation to that point.  I thank you for your participation in this Bible study discussion, and I look forward to more yet to come.

 

2.  In various of the contributions, we have touched upon some of the details involved in the principles for being a godly husband. This is to be expected in such a Bible study discussion.  In fact, when I started this discussion, I already intended the possibility (if things progressed well in this discussion) to expand the Bible study discussion into "expansion threads" for the purpose of examining these details (such as cleaving unto one's wife, love for one's wife, communication with one's wife, etc.) in greater Biblical depth.  I have not yet created any such "expansion threads" because I myself find it difficult to participate in too many such discussion at the same time.  I will procede with this plan -- when this particular broader discussion seems to be drawing to a conclusion (which is not yet the case in my opinion, since my own gathered list of responsibilities for a godly husband includes principles that have not even been mentioned yet), or when this broader discussion seems to be "pushing" for such an "expansion thread" on a particular matter, or when one of the participants in this broader discussion makes a strong request for such to be done. 

 

3.  As some may have noticed, I myself have been interacting with the contributions in this discussion primarily in the order in which they have been presented, and have been providing a summary list of principles to that point.  I am doing this because I strongly prefer organizational precision.  (Yes, my books are arranged by subject matter in alphabetical order by author; and yes, my shirts, ties, and dress pants are arranged in my closet by color.  Yes indeed, I am one of those types.)  I recognize that such a practice may appear awkward to some.  Thus I request that you might be patient with me.

 

4.  Some of the most recent contributions have included some emphasis upon the wife's responsibility toward her husband.  When I started this Bible study discussion, I wondered if there might be profit in doing a similar Bible study discussion on the Biblical principles for being a godly wife.  At this point I remain somewhat hesitant for the following reasons:  Will such a discussion be carried forward only by the men (not that this is completely unaccaptable)?  Will the women be interested in contributing equally with the men?  Will the women be offended by the men's contributions?  Will a regularity of interaction between the men and the women create conflicts?  (Note: My own wife can get somewhat uncomfortable by my own interacting over-much with women online.)

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1 Peter 3:7 - Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

 

I think there are a couple of principles/precepts we can glean from this verse.  First, we must recognize that our wives, as the weaker vessels, need and deserve our protection and physical help.  Indeed we, as men, are given a wife as a help meet (Gen 2:18).  It is to fill in our gaps as men, not to take some of our duties so we can relax.  It is therefore our responsibility to care for our wives to the best of our abilities which may include quite literally defending her life with ours or simply taking care of those physically demanding house chores that enable her to be a godly wife (e.g., fix the sink, carry the heavy box upstairs).

 

A second principle/precept we can take from this is that they are equal heirs to God’s grace.  I think a lot of times we men, as spiritual leaders of the household, have a tendency to assume that our take on things is the right one.  Something we must remember is that they receive the same Holy Spirit that we do and have equal access to God.  Godly husbands should never dismiss the input or concerns of their wives, particularly when they call us out on something.  Though we are the ones ultimately spiritually responsible for our family, we would be categorically stupid to accept and even seek the input of our wives.  As mentioned above, they are our help meet.  They fill our gaps; and that means both physically and spiritually.  I have to say that regardless of my wife’s level of spiritual growth relative to mine, she always makes me a better Christian because she shows me, often by example, of ways that I fall short and need to improve; even more so when she calls to my attention inconsistencies.  I must admit that it was my wife who pressed me to start us on faithful tithing, and what a blessing that has proven to be!

 

Brother Matt,

 

1 Peter 3:7 actually presents a number of principles for the godly husband.  Immediately, the two early verbs (the second being a verbal -- mentioned for the sake of the grammarians) signal two definite principles.  First, the godly husband must dwell at harmony with his wife in accord with his knowledge of her.  "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them [with your wives] according to knowledge."  Herein the word "abide" means "to live in a home with another."  However, when employed in a context where the emphasis is less about location and more about relationship, the word conveys the idea of living at home with another, that is -- abiding at harmony with another. 

 

Now, since this dwelling at harmony with one's wife is to be done "according to knowledge," this implies another principle for the godly husband -- The godly husband must put forth the effort and energy to know his own wife as an individual.  Indeed, the godly husband must put forth the effort and energy to know his wife's "individual personality, to know her individual joys and burdens, to know her individual likes and dislikes, to know her individual delights and annoyances, to know her individual pleasures and pains, to know her individual strengths and weaknesses, to know her individual hopes and fears.  In addition, the husband must come to know how his own wife thinks and feels differently from himself." (Excerpt taken from my book, "God's Wisdom for Marriage & The Home")

 

Second, the godly husband must specifically give honor unto his wife, as unto a precious treasure.  "Giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life."  In fact, grammatically the descriptives of the wife as "the weacker vessel" and as a joint-hear "of the grace of life" are directly tied to this principle of honor.  All of the things that you mention above (giving one's life to protect her, doing the physically (and emotionally) demanding chores for her, recognizing the spiritual character and wisdom in her, accepting spiritual counsel and correction from her, etc.) is all bound up in specifically giving this honor unto her.

 

Finally, the warning to the husband in the closing line of 1 Peter 3:7 is also worthy of great notice.  "That your prayers be not hindered."  If we husbands are not faithful in fulfilling our Biblical responsibilities toward our wives, then our sinful failure in this regard will hinder the effectiveness of our prayer lives.  In fact, then the Lord our God will reject our prayers.  So then, how much do we need each day to be on praying ground in order to "obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need"?  (Being a God-appointed pastor, I would also ask -- How much do we pastors need each day to be on praying ground concerning our ministries?)  Indeed, we husbands had better be more faithful in pursuing a good, godly relationship with our wives; and when we sinfully fail, we had better repent thereof before the Lord our God and our beloved wives.

 

So then, including these contributions to the Bible study, and including the principle that I presented in post #10 --

Proverbs 18:22, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD."


From the principle of this verse, I conclude that the husband must ever appreciate his wife as a good gift and precious treasure of the Lord's gracious favor.

 

We have the following list of principles:

 

  1.  The godly husband must leave his priority relationship with his parents. (Genesis 2:24)
  2.  The godly husband must continually cleave to his wife, and not ever allow himself to be separate in relationship from her.

       (Genesis 2:18, 24; Matthew 19:5-6)

  3.  The godly husband must continually pursue a one-flesh relationship with his wife. (Genesis 2:24)

  4.  The godly husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church. (Ephesians 5:25-28, 33; Colossians 3:19)

  5.  The godly husband must recognize his God-declared need for the help of his wife. (Genesis 2:18)

  6.  The godly husband must ever appreciate his wife as a good gift and precious treasure of the Lord's gracious favor.

       (Proverbs 18:22)

  7.  The godly husband must actively pursue a companionship with his wife as his dearest human friend. (Malachi 2:14)

  8.  The godly husband must openly communicate with his wife in a gracious manner that is good to the use of edifying.

       (Ephesians 4:29; etc.)

  9.  The godly husband must dwell at harmony with his wife in accord with his knowledge of her. (1 Peter 3:7)

10.  The godly husband must put forth the effort and energy to know his own wife as an individual. (1 Peter 3:7)

11.  The godly husband must specifically give honor unto his wife, as unto a precious treasure. (1 Peter 3:7)

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A few thoughts - husbands and wives MUST both be committed to serving God in their marriage. It is a partnership and union.
For it to be at it's best, both husband and wife must be committed to the Lord and each other - God's way.

God instituted marriage and it would make sense that He would have an opinion and some advice for it.

Ephesians 5 is one place we find this advice.

In that chapter we are given some commands from God for firstly the bride, and then for the groom, and then we are given the purpose for marriage.

Verse 22 speaks to the wife.
Ephesians 5:22 (KJV)
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Many people are offended by this concept of submission but they don're understand it nor put it into proper context.
To put it simply it means that the wife is to totally dedicated and commited to her husband. He is to be number one in her life, only after God and none other placed before him.
That means wife, that whatever situation you find yourself in, your very first thoughts should be about how it will relate to and affect your husband.

This will be made so much easier though if the husband also obeys the command to husbands which is found in verse 25

Ephesians 5:25 (KJV)
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

If you the husband will love his wife then it will be easy for her to submit to you.
Actually husband, the command to you is much harder than to the wife, as we are not talking about romantic love, but Bible love as it is described in 1 Corinthians 13.
That is where God talks about true Bible love and He says that you need to love your wife like that - with patience and kindness, not envious, nor proud, not badly behaved, nor selfish, not quickly angry, nor jumping to conclusion, not happy to see her sin, but rather to be happy to see her in righteousness, and loving her with truth, always supportive, always trusting, ALWAYS THERE!

You see you are to hold her also in the prime place of your life, after God alone and none else.

You both are commanded to hold the other in first place among men, with only God to stand higher.
And these are commands, not suggestions.

And the reason for this is found in verse 31 and following.
Ephesians 5:31-33
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church .
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love you wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Your marriage is to be an example to everyone around of the love displayed by God in sending His Son to die for our sins, and also of the reverence for Christ of sinners who are trusting God's loving provision for our salvation.

When people see your marriage they should be prompted to wonder at your love and respect for each other, and see that it springs forth out of your love and commitment to Christ.

 

I know this is my first comment in this thread, but I have been greatly edified by it. When Brother Dave referenced Ephesians 5:22, something struck me that I had never thought of before. I have read that particular verse many, many times and I was blinded to this simple truth because of my pride. The wife is commanded to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, and as Brother Dave pointed out, husbands are called to love their wife as Christ loved the church. I have struggled with this concept because my definition of 'love' was not the same as the Bible definition of 'love'. I would tell my wife that I love her every day, do nice things for her, and the like; but I had always maintained somewhat of an emotional distance from her.

 

I would like to say that it was due to how I dealt with being separated from her when I went on deployments, and that I had allowed it to stick around even after I had gotten back, but that is not the case. I realized that I had (have) a pride issue. I felt that I deserved her submission because of this passage. I think a lot of Christian men fall into the same trap. The thought that I had was this: I had a submission issue as well. I was demanding that my wife submit to me, but I was refusing to submit myself to Christ by fully following His teachings. What I had done was effectively picked out what parts fit best for me, and conveniently forgot the rest. I thank God that the Holy Spirit convicted me of this! Blinded by my pride, I had placed my marriage in a place where a lesser person would have left me years ago! Thank you Lord, for blessing a doofus like myself with a wife that loves You more than me! (I hope doofus doesn't offend anybody, if it does let me know and I will remove it).

 

By learning to submit myself to Christ, I learned to love her the way that Christ told me to. I hope that this all makes sense, as I am a little tired at the moment! I hate it when I feel like I'm just rambling. Brother Markel, thanks for hosting this thread, and I look forward to growing as a husband.

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I know this is my first comment in this thread, but I have been greatly edified by it. When Brother Dave referenced Ephesians 5:22, something struck me that I had never thought of before. I have read that particular verse many, many times and I was blinded to this simple truth because of my pride. The wife is commanded to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, and as Brother Dave pointed out, husbands are called to love their wife as Christ loved the church. I have struggled with this concept because my definition of 'love' was not the same as the Bible definition of 'love'. I would tell my wife that I love her every day, do nice things for her, and the like; but I had always maintained somewhat of an emotional distance from her.

 

I would like to say that it was due to how I dealt with being separated from her when I went on deployments, and that I had allowed it to stick around even after I had gotten back, but that is not the case. I realized that I had (have) a pride issue. I felt that I deserved her submission because of this passage. I think a lot of Christian men fall into the same trap. The thought that I had was this: I had a submission issue as well. I was demanding that my wife submit to me, but I was refusing to submit myself to Christ by fully following His teachings. What I had done was effectively picked out what parts fit best for me, and conveniently forgot the rest. I thank God that the Holy Spirit convicted me of this! Blinded by my pride, I had placed my marriage in a place where a lesser person would have left me years ago! Thank you Lord, for blessing a doofus like myself with a wife that loves You more than me! (I hope doofus doesn't offend anybody, if it does let me know and I will remove it).

 

By learning to submit myself to Christ, I learned to love her the way that Christ told me to. I hope that this all makes sense, as I am a little tired at the moment! I hate it when I feel like I'm just rambling. Brother Markel, thanks for hosting this thread, and I look forward to growing as a husband.

Indeed this makes much sense! How easy it is for us to see that our wives are to submit to us and for us to see when they are not, but to easily miss, or ignore, the fact we are to be submitted to Christ and we are not doing so!

 

Without a doubt I know from my own experience that the closer I have drawn to Christ over the years the more my love for my wife has deepened and matured. Often I will take time to thank God for giving me such a love for my wife that I once never even knew was possible. There is so much more to loving our wives than the emotional aspect or even the belief that we would die for our wives.

 

It's rather easy to say we would jump between our wives and an angry grizzly bear, willing to die to save our wives, but we truly show our love when we humble ourselves and wash the dishes just because we love our wife. It took some years for me to learn that one!

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Indeed this makes much sense! How easy it is for us to see that our wives are to submit to us and for us to see when they are not, but to easily miss, or ignore, the fact we are to be submitted to Christ and we are not doing so!

 

Without a doubt I know from my own experience that the closer I have drawn to Christ over the years the more my love for my wife has deepened and matured. Often I will take time to thank God for giving me such a love for my wife that I once never even knew was possible. There is so much more to loving our wives than the emotional aspect or even the belief that we would die for our wives.

 

It's rather easy to say we would jump between our wives and an angry grizzly bear, willing to die to save our wives, but we truly show our love when we humble ourselves and wash the dishes just because we love our wife. It took some years for me to learn that one!

 

Amen! If we are going to love our wives as Christ loved the church then we have to do what he did, become a servant. We don't need to remind our wives that we are the king of our home, if they love us (and mine wouldn't put up with me if she didn't love me) then they know that. We need to show our wives that we love them enough to humble ourselves and become a servant. My mother always told us that love doesn't say "what can you do for me" but rather "what can I do for you?".

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How can I put a "like" by all the comments in this thread with one single check of a box? Of course I can't. This is valuable for those who comment and those who read as well. But, its value is dependent on use; I'm guilty, I don't use these commands and principles from God's Holy Word enough.

 

Today my devotions were in 1 Pet. 3 and Pro. 18.

 

God reinforces the doctrine of co-equality of husband and wife:

1 Pet. 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

 

God reinforces that any praise we receive is a testimony to our wife as well:

Pro. 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

 

Are we praying for God's favor (blessing) in some aspect of our lives? Are we at odds with our "good thing" (wife)? Is it possible God's "favour" is "hindered;" the result of a lack of "honour" overdue or even missing from our relationship with our "help meet?"

 

Each time I go to my mother's to help with something, as I'm leaving, she says, "Be sure to tell Sally thanks for letting you come over."

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1 Corinthians 7:3-5 " Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."

This is not advice, this is a command.

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My wife and I were looking through Genesis 2 & 3 tonight and came across this verse in Ch 3.
16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

The interesting thing from this is the correlation to the Ephesians verses I already mentioned.

We were trying to figure out how Eve desiring her husband and Adam ruling over her were curses.

It occurred to us during our discussion of it, that maybe, rather than God cursing them in these ways, that He was simply stating the results of their sin.
From that point on women would desire to be loved and men would desire to be obeyed.

What we see today is that (as some mentioned here) the men look at Ephesians and say "she doesn't obey me" and women look and say "he doesn't love me".
Ephesians is in fact talking about the saved man and woman being restored to the.original state of relationship, where the man loves his wife and the woman gladly submits to his loving rule.

Does that make sense, or have I completely mashed up my explanation? :D

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