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pilgrimspen

Tips For Single Christian Ladies On Courtship And Love

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Well, I'm in my 30's now and one of my concern. Though I shouldn't be is finding my future spouse. I like a guy in our church but I gave up that liking now because of my churchmate, she also likes him and its been for a long long time now. And I think that someone better is waiting for me. I was told that Christian women should not make a move but they should let the men initiate and be the 'man'. And I also read Joshua Harris BOY MEETS GIRL.

Aside from being patient what else can you share with me?

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Prayer. Take this to the Lord in prayer continually. That, plus the patience you mentioned, are the most important. One of the biggest problems many Christians have is a lack of patience, especially here in America. This too often leads to going outside God's will and grabbing the first person they can.

The Lord knows how to bring the right two people together, and at the right time.

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Pilgrims, look for the book "Fine China is for Single Women too" by Lydia Brownback. It's published online and in paperback. It is the best book I have ever read on singleness - and at our age (I'm 30 this year too) we're a little past the pat 'just be patient and God will send someone' advice. 'Cause it's not just about being patient - it's about being content 'in whatsoever state I am', right? ;) What I learned from this book, in a nutshell, was that we need to remember and depend on the fact that God is good. He is a Father that delights in giving good gifts to His children. And I'm not talking about those I-know-it's-good-cause-it's-good-for-me kind of things - I'm talking about good things! Things we enjoy! He gives us what is the best for us right now - what will ultimately make us the happiest (I know being happy is not the be-all and end-all of life, but God does delight in His children's joy), and these good gifts apply to our current state of singleness or marriage. He has us where we can enjoy life and Him the most right now. And if (yes, I said if) the time comes that we would enjoy life and Him better married (and all the myriad other things He's arranging work together) - then He'll move us into that state. It comes right down to us being willing to trust that God is good and is good to us no matter what.

I had the opportunity of talking to a single missionary lady last fall; she's in her fifties, I think. I asked her how she deals with 'prolonged singleness.' The first thing she said was, "It doesn't get any easier." Sigh. Her next response though, was exactly the same as Miss Brownback's - she said that one needs to remember that God is good and gives good things - and trust Him that He is doing so!

"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His mercy endureth forever."

"The LORD is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot. The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yea, I have a goodly heritage." (Ps. 16 is a great chapter.)

"Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever."

Edited by salyan

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I now have a 19 year-old daughter who is hoping to be married some day, but no one in our church seems to interest her in that regard and (presumably) vice-versa. This, naturally, has gotten me thinking along these lines and I have made an observation I believe I am going to try and apply with regards to my own daughter. It seems most (perhaps 80%) of the young people that have gotten married since I have attended this church (12 years) have met their spouses while on missions trips that they participated in with other churches. In other words, their spouses come from outside our immediate church family. In fact, our head pastor's two oldest daughters (the only ones married to date) each married someone from out of state churches that they met during missions conferences.

There are always plenty of people that go along on these trips that can act as chaperons if the parents can't make it and what better way to meet like minded people with similar interests to spark friendship and potential courtship?

Of course that is our church and not all churches are the same and/or go on as many trips as ours, but it is an option that is out there.

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My son is in his 30s and still waiting for a Christian bride (life's mate) from the Lord. He did try Christian on line dating for a brief time but was very disappointed. I tell him there is a woman behind every tree, in your case there is a man behind every tree. I'm borrowing from Joyce Kilmer's poem, Trees, the last two lines...

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.

Now, back to a life's mate behind every tree. God puts the right mate behind the one tree he created just for thee. Your tree and God intended mate is out there.

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Well, I'm in my 30's now and one of my concern. Though I shouldn't be is finding my future spouse. I like a guy in our church but I gave up that liking now because of my churchmate, she also likes him and its been for a long long time now. And I think that someone better is waiting for me. I was told that Christian women should not make a move but they should let the men initiate and be the 'man'. And I also read Joshua Harris BOY MEETS GIRL.

Aside from being patient what else can you share with me?


pilgrimspen, I never really looked for someone to marry. While in the Air Force my roommate started dating a young woman. they got me to start dating her roommate, we got a bit serious, yet things did not seem right, she was Roman Catholic going to a Catholic university. She was a sweet pretty girl, but something about that religion did not set well with me & I broke off with her. I believe that was May 1967.

When I was home over the Thanksgiving holidays later that year, I met a young woman on the day I was leaving back for the Air Force, I was planing on coming home for a very short leave in about two weeks. But we had one of those big base alters, that canceled my leave & getting home for that date. I had her phone number & called to let her know, plus it would now be Christmas before I would be able to come home again, could we set a date for Christmas Eve.

We did, them on Christmas afternoon we spent a bit of time together. After going back to my base I thought about her often them went home during New Years of 1968 & we spent some time with one another. Between them & May 18, 68, I was able to come in, I believe 2 times, & the 2nd time I asked her to marry me, things just seemed right. We made a trip to the court house, of course on the weekend it was closed. Between them & the time we were to marry I was going to try & make it in once more, to get the marriage license, but that got canceled out by the good old Air Force. Her & her mother went to the court house, back them you had to have a blood test, I had sent her my blood test results. Her & her mother got our license with out me present. Although I was suppose to be there, yet with the conditions they made an exception for us.

She was a Baptist girl, I was a Baptist boy, & we have been married ever since May 18, 1968, although we did not know each other all that good, but all has worked out. I believe that God brought us together, she does as well, & God may have someone out there for you. Just hang in there & follow our Lord as best you know how.

I might add, after we had been married for a while my wife told me that on Christmas Eve 1967 after we had one date that when I took her home she told her mother that I have met the man I will marry. Her mother told her not to be so foolish, that she did not even know me. That I was in the Air Force & she probably would never hear from me again. She told her mother, I will hear from him, just wait & see, we will get married. Her mother bought our marriage license & signed my name for me because I could not get off from the Air Force to do so myself.


I feel all will go well in its own good time for you. Just don't rush it.

Prayers,
Jerry

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Wow! Thanks for all your reply. I really appreciate it!

John81 - I'm quite an impatient person... so I think I really need to develop a lot of patience. :bored:

Salyan - thanks for replying I'll add that book on my 'to read list.' The relationships books that I've got are all from Joshua Harris - I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Boy Meets Girl
and Ive got the Ludy's book When GOD writes your love story. I also read Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. Well, I really wanted to have a family and have kids. Of course as we age (women) we have a sort of time. You know, 40's might not have kids or its difficult to conceive and also to take care of the baby. Well, lots of concerns...

282Mikado - Well, I want my future husband to be a baptist like me... Because some denominations (I have a friend from another church) their teaching is kinda a bit different from ours they are pentecostals. My church is not that big and almost everyone knows each other. I think yup, that's an option mission trip...

1Tim115 - Thanks for that encouraging line from a poem. (Also was made into a song) ♫♪♫

Jerry - wow! what a story! Well, I've been praying for it for a long time... sometimes I think maybe I need to do something or lacking in something like I need to focus on HIM first and then my mission... Mate is the last thing..... I hope that he's there.

Plus, as a woman its very hard. For Christian men. My church mate told me that men should approach or be the one to initiate if they like the girl not the girl doing the opposite. So, I really have to wait..... :(

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My friend/churchmate told me that his stand is that men should be the one to say their intentions to a woman. Like for example saying "I like you" must not be done by a woman. But by a man? So what will I do if I like this certain guy? So I'll just sit and wait?... but what if he likes another person already I just wasted my time waiting?... What I'm doing now is really praying... there's nothing more that I can do. :(

Edited by pilgrimspen

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Thanks Luanne that's a nice advice indeed! Actually, I made him cookies but its a polymer clay cookies (food art) :))


Lol! If 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach,' you better make him some edible ones too! :lol:

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I had a friend from college who ended up waiting until her late 20's to get married. She really was afraid she would never find anyone. Then, an evangelist sort of set her up with a guy from another state. He ended up being amazing....exactly what she needed. Military, but now he's retired military (in his 40's) and now pastors a church! They have three little children...she's now my age (37) and happy as can be with her husband and family and little church.

I think sometimes when you marry later, you also marry more mature and more thankful. Or, at least, I feel I saw that in my friend. Both of them waited a long time for the right one...so, once they found each other, they didn't take it lightly!

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I had a friend from college who ended up waiting until her late 20's to get married. She really was afraid she would never find anyone. Then, an evangelist sort of set her up with a guy from another state. He ended up being amazing....exactly what she needed. Military, but now he's retired military (in his 40's) and now pastors a church! They have three little children...she's now my age (37) and happy as can be with her husband and family and little church.

I think sometimes when you marry later, you also marry more mature and more thankful. Or, at least, I feel I saw that in my friend. Both of them waited a long time for the right one...so, once they found each other, they didn't take it lightly!


Good thoughts, & I believe it helps prove, some can get married young, & its right, & some can get married later on, & its right.

And of course, marriage is a serious subject, & a lot of thought, & prayers needs to be put into it before getting married.

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Polymer cookies are great. And I understand not singling him out...but now let's get on to the real thing. Make some cookies for your friends (some edible cookies), but make some just a wee bit different for him - make iced cookies, with his name in icing, or put an extra something in his cookies. Something subtle and yet there... :icon_smile:

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So how are you now? Im in my 30's too and in the stage of wanting to get married. Yes God is good, He knows the desire of our hearts. Hope our married Christian brothers and sisters can pray with us too.

Edited by Jeny

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My friend/churchmate told me that his stand is that men should be the one to say their intentions to a woman. Like for example saying "I like you" must not be done by a woman. But by a man? So what will I do if I like this certain guy? So I'll just sit and wait?... but what if he likes another person already I just wasted my time waiting?... What I'm doing now is really praying... there's nothing more that I can do. http://www.onlinebaptist.com/home/public/style_emoticons/#EMO_DIR#/sad.png


Just let the guy know. A look and smile is sometimes enough.

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A lot of women backslide when looking for a husband. They get discouraged looking for a Christian man so they end up convincing themselves that some unsaved guy or professing Christian who's living like the devil is the one for them. She thinks she'll change him. Grave mistake I've seen take place plenty of times. 

 

IMO,  a Christian college may be a place to find a husband. Some churches also have singles groups where you can meet. I've been to a few of these and they are actually quite good but even in these cases you have to be careful.

 

Also, don't reject any blind dates. I remember reading, as well as hearing a preacher mention during a sermon, that blind dates are usually quite successful. I know a few people including Christians who were set up on blind dates and eventually got married and have been happily married for years. One of my best friends who is born again met his wife this way. So ask a family member or friend whom you can trust to set you up. They usually can see who's best for you more than you can.

 

Whatever you do, ladies, don't rush into anything. Any doubts in your mind about the man please don't ignore that little voice. Don't let love strike you completely blind.

 

Oh, and guys, these things apply to us also.

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Does it matter?

 

It can be a nuisance and disrupt the flow of a forum if it happens a lot. For example, Donillo's just responded directly to the OP, prOBably thinking this thread is current, when in fact Pilgrimspen is long gone and won't be seeing Donillo's post. Luckily it doesn't happen on here a lot, which is why my comment was light-hearted. :icon_smile:

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