Spouse not on the same level of Christianity

[Guest Guest]

I have always been more devoted to our faith then my husband, however, while we have been married I have grown in my walk with the Lord and he has pretty much stayed put. I yearn for him to be the stronger Christian and to lead our family but it has not happened. I know everything happens in the Lords timing so I was wondering how you have dealt with a spouse that is more secular and does not have God first or anywhere near that in their life? I believe the Lord will make him the head of our house and be a wonderful example of a Christian man to our children; I am just struggling with implementing what I believe is important for our children (bible studies, prayer time etc) while he is dragging his feet and placing a negative tone to the time.

[John81]

Prayer is the first and foremost necessary thing. Following that, your example as a Christ follower.

Be in consistent prayer for the Lord to work in your husbands heart and mind. Pray specifically as much as possible and pray daily.

Let the light of Christ shine forth from you and he will see this and the Lord will use it.

[Truthseeking]

[quote="John81"]Prayer is the first and foremost necessary thing. Following that, your example as a Christ follower.

Be in consistent prayer for the Lord to work in your husbands heart and mind. Pray specifically as much as possible and pray daily.

Let the light of Christ shine forth from you and he will see this and the Lord will use it.[/quote]

I second this. Keep trying to bring your husband to the light. I am faced with a similar situation that I'm working with. Its not easy as I'm sure you already know. It can be frustrating. However, you are on the flip side being the wife and not like me the husband. Jesus Christ is over your husband so the focus should stay with JC, and pray that your husband follows.

[HappyChristian]

mommy - you continue loving the Lord with all your heart.

Remeber that you can win him by your conversation. Be the wife that God commands wives to be - submissive, loving, helpful, etc.

If he doesn't want to take the reins of leadership in your home, simply defer to him in any way you can. Any decision that you can ask for his advice on, go to him (not about little mundane things...).

And as has been mentioned, pray. Have your kids pray for their daddy - that God would guide him as he leads the family, that God would give him strength, etc. Don't talk to them about any of his spiritual shortcomings. They can see them on their own, but to hear mommy verbalize them would be like mommy is cutting daddy down. And that would hurt the children. Talk to them about what a good daddy they have. He has some spiritual needs if he's content not to grow. But if he goes to work every day, he's a good provider. That sort of thing. Play up his strengths to the kids. You may wonder why I bring in the kids? They need to see that you love their daddy and that he is the #1 guy for you - even with his shortcomings. Remember that they will have a home of their own one of these days.

Pray. And pray some more.

[Truthseeking]

[quote="HappyChristian"]mommy - you continue loving the Lord with all your heart.

Remeber that you can win him by your conversation. Be the wife that God commands wives to be - submissive, loving, helpful, etc.

If he doesn't want to take the reins of leadership in your home, simply defer to him in any way you can. Any decision that you can ask for his advice on, go to him (not about little mundane things...).

And as has been mentioned, pray. Have your kids pray for their daddy - that God would guide him as he leads the family, that God would give him strength, etc. Don't talk to them about any of his spiritual shortcomings. They can see them on their own, but to hear mommy verbalize them would be like mommy is cutting daddy down. And that would hurt the children. Talk to them about what a good daddy they have. He has some spiritual needs if he's content not to grow. But if he goes to work every day, he's a good provider. That sort of thing. Play up his strengths to the kids. You may wonder why I bring in the kids? They need to see that you love their daddy and that he is the #1 guy for you - even with his shortcomings. Remember that they will have a home of their own one of these days.

Pray. And pray some more.[/quote]

Thanks HC. Though it wasn't written to me as so I can still use this information. Your points are very valid. For me its taking the daddy out and adding mama to the formula. Often times I tend to argue down viewpoints such as schooling, TV, religion, and other personal beliefs that she holds. KIds are apart of the family, but I do tend to worry that they may make the wrong decisions when older because of a lack of instruction now. I fear that they may conform to that which is of the world than that which is of God. Finding a middle ground is my struggle.

[Guest Guest]

Truthseeking and to all the others that may be in the same boat as us ,

I just wanted to let you know that through my prayers the Lord has revealed to me why for now we are on different levels and his is below mine. The Lord has been working on me being submissive and letting him, my husband, take control. If he were on the same level as I then there wouldn't be much need for me being submissive because we would agree on most things and the others I could make my argument clear and win him over to my side. With him where he is I have to be submissive and have faith in the Lord to control his decisions. I feel so blessed to realize this and it make it much easier to be patient. Our Lord is so wonderful!!!!!! God is good! It will be so exciting to watch my husband as he grows in his walk with the Lord.

I hope this will lend some encouragement to others.

God Bless,

Dena

[HappyChristian]

Truthseeking and to all the others that may be in the same boat as us ,

I just wanted to let you know that through my prayers the Lord has revealed to me why for now we are on different levels and his is below mine. The Lord has been working on me being submissive and letting him, my husband, take control. If he were on the same level as I then there wouldn't be much need for me being submissive because we would agree on most things and the others I could make my argument clear and win him over to my side. With him where he is I have to be submissive and have faith in the Lord to control his decisions. I feel so blessed to realize this and it make it much easier to be patient. Our Lord is so wonderful!!!!!! God is good! It will be so exciting to watch my husband as he grows in his walk with the Lord.

I hope this will lend some encouragement to others.

God Bless,

Dena

Dena, that is great! However, I want to caution you. Even when spiritual levels are the same, or the man is more spiritual than the woman, a woman needs to submit. As Christian ladies, our husbands are the heads of our homes. God's Word tells us that we are to be in subjection to them, even reverencing them. That is our responsibility regardless of our husband's spirituality. Just a caution to keep in mind as he grows closer to the Lord - yes, you can state your positions, but he is still the decider (I know you know that). KWIM? And there will be times that you won't agree - we are all still human and we fail, no matter how spiritual we are.

Remember also that the word conversation in scripture is talking about lifestyle. There aren't many men around who will truly change just because their wives natter at them about it! :Green It's easy for us wives to see things that need to be changed, and let our hubbies know about them. It's harder for us to see the need and turn them over to the Holy Spirit to change.


Truthseeking,
Children are truly a concern in situations such as yours. If they see you loving your Lord and your wife, that will make a big impact on them.

[Guest Guest]

Truthseeking,

You are right and I know. I know I will have to continually pray about God showing me to stay submissive even as my husband grows.

[Danny Carlton]

I have always been more devoted to our faith then my husband' date=' however, while we have been married I have grown in my walk with the Lord and he has pretty much stayed put. I yearn for him to be the stronger Christian and to lead our family but it has not happened. I know everything happens in the Lords timing so I was wondering how you have dealt with a spouse that is more secular and does not have God first or anywhere near that in their life? I believe the Lord will make him the head of our house and be a wonderful example of a Christian man to our children; I am just struggling with implementing what I believe is important for our children (bible studies, prayer time etc) while he is dragging his feet and placing a negative tone to the time.[/quote']
Be careful what you ask for. I've known several cases where women married men who were less spiritual than they (one must wonder why a woman chooses to do that) only to find that the husband suddenly take a very serious interest in spiritual issues and the women then finds herself a pastor's wife or even worse, being dragged to the mission field and in way more spiritual deepness than she eve bargained for.

[Titus.Two.Five]

I yearn for him to be the stronger Christian and to lead our family but it has not happened.

:pray Pray! But remember that before asking the Lord to change your husband, we need to really seek first what we need to change in ourselves, being careful not to allow your yearning to become and idol or stumbling block in your own life. Please don't let this frustrate you, or look at him in a lower manner, or to become impatient towards him in your heart. Bless that man, and love him! Show him Christ's love. :thumb

how you have dealt with a spouse that is more secular and does not have God first or anywhere near that in their life?

How did the Lord deal with you? He waited, with open arms, patiently! He loved you anyway, always hoping that you would turn to Him. Your hubby deserves the same.

I am just struggling with implementing what I believe is important for our children (bible studies, prayer time etc) while he is dragging his feet

I would stronly suggest that you do these things (bible study, prayer) with your children during the day while daddy is at work. I would not do them while he is at home, I would not make it a big issue to him either. Does he know that you are expecting him (in your heart/desire) to take this lead? I'm not suggesting that your nagging, but be careful not to pressure him in your actions, body language, etc....

Just keep praying, sister. I'll pray too. :pray

[Guest Guest]

You have to think that it could have been worse. It's not always easy to deal with problems, but if you remind yourself that the most important thing is the fact that your husband is a Christian, then it would feel easier to ignore some faults. IMHO

[Guest Guest]

Hi mommytippetts

Sorry to hear about your situation, but praise the Lord, the Bible has the answer:

1 Peter 3:1-6
V.1

[bzmomo7]

I had somehow missed this thread! Mommytippetts, my sil is right where you are, and I know somewhat of what you speak, but to a lesser degree. You see, both my hubby and his brothers are products of not having spiritual guidance from there father, and a lack of leadership roles because there mother was always at odds with him. (translated, not submissive) They eventually divorced, and he was no longer in the home during my hubby's high school years. My husband, however, spent a lot more time with his dad (much to his mother's dismay) than the other children, and it shows. He is a lot better adjusted and has taken on his dad's even temperment, sense of responsibility, a very strong work ethic and a host of other moral ideals--while his brothers struggle a lot in these areas even as well as spiritually. I said all that to say this: how we are raised directly influences how we interpret our roles in this life. If your husband happened to come from a family lacking in spiritual leadership, then it could be understandable why it is not exhibited in his own life right now. Either way, I've come to the conclusion that we can't force people to do things by just telling them they should do it. In a situation like this, (and I've prayed with my sil many times let me tell ya) I would pray specifically that God would send some people into the husband's life that would exhibit the very characteristics that he needs to see modeled and that his heart would be softened to change so that God can make him into the great spiritual leader of the family that he intended him to be. Don't expect it to happen overnight, but do expect God to intervene. Get a prayer partner--a good one is one who is going through the same thing, because you can pray in agreement with each other with the same fervency because you know how hard it is yourself. Pray also that God will keep you submissive, and that as he changes your husband that your attitude will remain good about it. You might be shocked, as someone else suggested, that you might get what you asked for and more. I like the idea one other poster told you that you should teach your children spiritually during the day when your husband is not around. Good idea, that way, if he wants to pick it up in the evening, there is no hinderance or sense that you are doing his job for him. There is one other thing that I wanted to mention.....something that one of my sister in law's did that I'd hate to see happen to anyone else. Be careful to never expose your husband's spiritual shortcomings to those in your church, family, friends, children etc. (perhaps with the careful exception of your prayer partner) in a direct way. It will be obvious to others where his weaknesses are, that isn't what I mean, but don't talk about them or imply them in a way that would embarrass your husband if he was standing right there beside you. My sil did exactly that, when it finally caught up to her, her husband would no longer attend that church. He'd "have to work" or come up with some other excuse because he was embarrassed to go back because everyone knew that he was less spiritual than she was. Hope that makes sense.

[Guest Guest]

bzmomo7,

thank you for all you wrote. You are right. His father had very wonderful traits but was lacking in spiritual leadership and his mother was very overbearing so he just sat back and let her have her way. So here we are now where I am the overbearing one and he lets me have my way. (For any men out there reading this that is a very unattractive quality)! So thank God He has shown me that I need to be submissive and a help meet not ruler. I am still learning in this but the part that got me in what you said was not to tell anyone at church. I did that already. Now that I read how you put it, what was I thinking. I will be praying about that tonight. Thank you for your words and I will be thinking about what you have said.