Cutting Ties

[GodsPrincess]

I have deleted all my posts. Sorry. I will not post. Please delete everything. It is not wise for me to post here. I came here for fellowship & help. I have no where else to talk so I came here. I am sorry any trouble I have caused. I should have NEVER joined this site. I am very down & confused by everything in my walk with the Lord. I know it was wrong to vent. God Bless.

Edited June 8, 2011 by GodsPrincess

[Guest]

This has been weighing on my heart for some time now. I have several lukewarm Christians, unsaved, & ungodly extended family members. (spouses) They are what you would call Sunday Christians, follow the catholic church & are also atheists. Some are very mean spirited or closed to hearing the truth about their church. Many of them buy gifts for my child that are worldly & I do not like it. My spouse says nothing about this to his family even though he agrees with me. One minute he is agreeing with me & the next minute he says these things aren't a big deal. Worldly items are a big deal for a Christian child! Examples include: High School Musical, Big Time Rush, other teen music idols, trampy clothing, ungoldly books like Captain Underpants, ICarly & Victorious on t.v., makeup kits, Harry Potter games, & other fantasy games just to name a few of the samplings that my daughter has received.

The extended family as stated above are very much out in the world. They allow the other children in the family to partake in worldly music, t.v. , books, clothing, toys, friends, & more. This is not the environment I want my child in. I feel it is wise to limit the contact with them when it is just myself & my child. I have more control over these situations as they arise. When my spouse is home he often visits his family with our child. I have no say in this of course because who am I to challenge him? That would be wrong.

My spouse doesn't want to take on his family because he is overly respectful to the point of being (I feel) afraid to rock the boat. At times he will to me admit or agree he doesn't think they are correct in their thinking or actions but when asked by his family he will go against me. I don't feel this is good or correct at all. My spouse tells me to just deal with it. So I do by donating or trashing much of the worldly items. I feel that strongly about it. My spouse doesn't know this. I have to do these things to protect my child. I have my child's heart in mind.

I have in the past emailed & talked to the extended family members face to face about these concerns. The end result was to be agreed with in one conversation/email to then having them email or talk to my spouse about my actions. The extended family members would still buy the worldly items. I don't get it. This results in my spouse telling me that I was right & he backs me up 100%. However, in person to his family he disagrees with me & says he supports them 100%. He tells them that I am just being picky or difficult and to just ignore me. This really bothers & frustrates me. When speaking or emailing to the extended family I am always polite. I am not cold or mean spirited to them. This has been going on for a LONG time.

If it were up to me I would cut all ties with the people who are like this. I have no qualms about doing it. My child's heart is much more important. I am trying to raise her in a biblical way not the world's way.

Any advice?

Not a situation I've encountered. I hope some of the pastors or ladies here can help. I would be interested to observe the suggestions from them and hear see your replies. I wonder have you looked at Esther and the situation she faced?

[HappyChristian]

Sticky situation, for sure, and one I've been in, to a point. My hubby happened to agree with me regarding the worldly gifts, and so they stopped (of course, the family blames me!).

I can truly understand your frustration. But, as in the other post, there it is: your hubby is the head of your home. If he doesn't care that you throw out the worldly gifts (and,really, if the gifts are too bad for your daughter, do you think you should donate them to others?), then continue doing that. (you say he doesn't know...you really should discuss it with him - it could cause big problems if he finds out...)

DO NOT ever badmouth the family to your daughter. That always backfires, even if someone believes it is the right thing to show how wicked someone is. Teach your daughter Biblical truths and she will see for herself what is right in those situations.

I would agree with you not taking your daughter to see the family when it is just the two of you. But if your hubby takes her, as you say, there is nothing you can do.

You've let your displeasure be known to your hubby, and to your family - and that is important. Now, back off. By that, I mean, simply quit talking about it. And take it to the Lord. There is absolutely nothing earthly you can do - except teach your daughter scriptural principles and truths. And pray.

Turn your frustrations over to the Lord. He knows all about them, and He is the one to handle them for you. Yes, you are to guard your daughters heart, but you need to guard yours first. And one thing you need to guard against is bitterness taking root. Dwelling on the frustrations and what you might think of as shortcomings in your husband will lead to bitterness...and that will poison your daughter's heart quicker than you can imagine!

Memorize verses about turning things over to the Lord.

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

1 Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon him, for he careth for you."

[John81]

Are you a young couple? It sounds like your husband doesn't grasp the biblical concept of leaving mother and father, forsaking all others, for his wife, and by extention his children too. Unfortunately this is fairly common where a husband or wife holds too close of ties with their family which brings harm to the new family. I don't know how you might communicate this to him, but it would have to be done at the right time and in a gentle manner. Does he perhaps have any mature Christian friends (men) who might be able to help him with this?

I agree with LuAnne that if the gifts are that bad, just trash them, don't give them to others. As her mother, you have the right and duty to reject bad things others might give her.

If your child is not already, she soon will be caught in the middle of all this and torn. The devil will certainly use this against you, your marriage and your family as a whole. If the family keeps handing your child the world and it eventually comes to look as if it's only you who is keeping her from "all the good stuff", further friction and footholds will develop.

Is your husband a born again Christian? Does he desire to follow Christ?

This is absolutely a situation you and your husband need to work out soon and come to a biblical agreement upon.

I will pray for you :icon_pray:

[heartstrings]

Sticky situation, for sure, and one I've been in, to a point. My hubby happened to agree with me regarding the worldly gifts, and so they stopped (of course, the family blames me!).

I can truly understand your frustration. But, as in the other post, there it is: your hubby is the head of your home. If he doesn't care that you throw out the worldly gifts (and,really, if the gifts are too bad for your daughter, do you think you should donate them to others?), then continue doing that. (you say he doesn't know...you really should discuss it with him - it could cause big problems if he finds out...)

DO NOT ever badmouth the family to your daughter. That always backfires, even if someone believes it is the right thing to show how wicked someone is. Teach your daughter Biblical truths and she will see for herself what is right in those situations.

I would agree with you not taking your daughter to see the family when it is just the two of you. But if your hubby takes her, as you say, there is nothing you can do.

You've let your displeasure be known to your hubby, and to your family - and that is important. Now, back off. By that, I mean, simply quit talking about it. And take it to the Lord. There is absolutely nothing earthly you can do - except teach your daughter scriptural principles and truths. And pray.

Turn your frustrations over to the Lord. He knows all about them, and He is the one to handle them for you. Yes, you are to guard your daughters heart, but you need to guard yours first. And one thing you need to guard against is bitterness taking root. Dwelling on the frustrations and what you might think of as shortcomings in your husband will lead to bitterness...and that will poison your daughter's heart quicker than you can imagine!

Memorize verses about turning things over to the Lord.

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

1 Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon him, for he careth for you."

:amen:

[HappyChristian]

We are in our 30's. For 15 years we've been together he has always acted this way regarding his parents, money, & me. He does not spend much time at home due to his work, college, all his hobbies, and his actual family. I have tried to gently speak in the past to him about this but he gets angry & says he doesn't want to talk or he says I'm blowing things out of proportion. He tells his family this as well. So I basically have given up. I am not to challenge him, others in the family, or even neighbors.

He has Christian men friends that he speaks with & many are like him in their thinking. I have been told by some that as a woman everything belongs to my spouse. That I am not to make a move or have a thought without my spouses permission. Some others say what my spouse thinks is not correct but my spouse says they don't know what they are thinking. I've asked a Christian sister if her spouse acts this way & she said no. That my spouse needs to be around positive Christian men who lead their families.
No two men are alike, GP. And so, they will run their homes differently. There is nothing in scripture that indicates that women are to have no thoughts of their own. In fact, many of the stories of the Bible show otherwise. However, a good number of the stories show what happens when women take those thoughts and override their husbands...


There have been times where my spouse has said in front of others that I'm being wrong & I don't know anything & that I am not "fun". Yes he is born again but acts one way to others & to me differently. Yes he desires to follow Christ.

My spouse was like this before he was born again. He always said he is the man & I have no rights to much since I am a woman & he works & makes the money. I am used to this & gave up long ago to speak up since it falls on deaf ears. This is how it is to be by God's law. Sometimes it is nice to not have to worry about anything else. All my thinking is done for me. Of course everyone else thinks I've drunk too much Christian kool-aid. I disagree though.

I feel I need to caution you here. Bringing questions to the forum and trying to find answers is fine. But you are very close (if not already there) dangerously close to disrespecting your husband publicly. I would strongly encourage you to NOT be comparing your husband to other husbands. Yours is yours, and is an individual. He will not be the same as other husbands. And, truthfully, you shouldn't want him to be.

Generalities are fine, but getting into specifics about your husband cross the line. The Bible tells us that the heart of a woman's husband safely trusts in her. That isn't speaking only of adultery...it's speaking of her public dealings as well. And that would include a public forum. I would suggest that, if you truly desire help, you pm one of the ladies on here (I would be more than happy to converse with you privately).

[Miss Linda]

I feel I need to caution you here. Bringing questions to the forum and trying to find answers is fine. But you are very close (if not already there) dangerously close to disrespecting your husband publicly. I would strongly encourage you to NOT be comparing your husband to other husbands. Yours is yours, and is an individual. He will not be the same as other husbands. And, truthfully, you shouldn't want him to be.

Generalities are fine, but getting into specifics about your husband cross the line. The Bible tells us that the heart of a woman's husband safely trusts in her. That isn't speaking only of adultery...it's speaking of her public dealings as well. And that would include a public forum. I would suggest that, if you truly desire help, you pm one of the ladies on here (I would be more than happy to converse with you privately).

I agree with you here, LuAnne. From the very first this thread, and the other thread opened by this sister in Christ, concerned me a bit. I'm concerned about the level of bitterness I detect in these posts and it did seem disrespectful and unhelpful to "air dirty laundry" about one's marriage in such a public place. Now I see that the original postings have been deleted and it seems the spirit of bitterness is in evidence even in the way the posts were deleted.

God's Princess, if you are reading this, please know that we are praying for you. There is fellowship to be had here, but we care too much for each other to allow a brother or sister to stumble and fall without trying to help them see the right path. LuAnne is a very wise and experienced sister in Christ and her counsel can be trusted (and in my opinion should be heeded).

[swathdiver]

Cutting the Ties that Bind is based on meditation and symbols of the subconscious to heal your inner child. It was introduced by Phyllis Krystal who has written several books on the subject.The word "attachment" has been widely mis-interpreted. We can be billionaires, yet unattached. It is when we need to multiply what we have that we are overly-attached.

Sounds like New Age psycho babble to me. Please stick with the Word of God and not the folly of man.

As for GodsPrincess, my wife and I have gone and go through this all the time with family. So are some new Christians in our local church.

[mikimack]

How can we free ourselves from our negative conditioning, from our parents, friends, siblings and x-lovers? How can we become free from our attachment to money or power? Is it necessary or desirable to become free from attachment to money or power?

[swathdiver]

How can we free ourselves from our negative conditioning, from our parents, friends, siblings and x-lovers? How can we become free from our attachment to money or power? Is it necessary or desirable to become free from attachment to money or power?

Through repentance towards God and faith in Jesus Christ! Studying the Word of God, learning and applying the doctrines Christians are commanded to follow will make the sinner more Christ-like. Old things will pass away and they'll be given a new heart with new desires when one puts their trust in the Savior.