Grown son is turning from God

[tammy hopeful]

Hi I am new here but I am hoping maybe one of you has dealt with this kind of prOBlem before. My children were raised in church My oldest 22 has always been rebelious . he moved out when he was 18 he has moved back home a total of 6 times in 4 years .he got married and now is divorced has a son who he can,t take care of . He drinks a lot, we wont allow it here so he always moves out. . He was living with his fathers brother and he found him dead . This was very hard on him it happened 2 weeks ago he died at 50 years from drug overdose ,My son went back to church moved back in with us and wanted to go to a recovery group at church for his alcohol use. he went to one meeting but the next day ran into a friend who invited him to stay with him he told me he knows he should stay with us but he feels that pull is to strong and keeps him from doing right. I believe he is saved I think that is why he is so miserable because he cant live on the fence and be happy. My prOBlem is I dont know what to do any more for the boy, me and my husband have come to an agrement that we will not help him finacialy anymore and he can,t come back home and live with us . we love him and he is welcome to visit and get a meal . He doesn,t work and has been putting a little effort into looking for work . He is mad at God for letting his uncle dye and for his own life being so bad. I tellhim to take it to jesus he gets mad at me and tells me God doesn,t listen to him. My husband and I have broken hearts over this and wonder if this tough love is right , in my heart I feel like if we keep pulling our son up every time he falls we may be hindering God from working in his life. some times God lets you hit rock bottom . Any one have any advise for me ?
thank you Tammy

[HappyChristian]

Hi I am new here but I am hoping maybe one of you has dealt with this kind of prOBlem before. My children were raised in church My oldest 22 has always been rebelious . he moved out when he was 18 he has moved back home a total of 6 times in 4 years .he got married and now is divorced has a son who he can,t take care of . He drinks a lot, we wont allow it here so he always moves out. . He was living with his fathers brother and he found him dead . This was very hard on him it happened 2 weeks ago he died at 50 years from drug overdose ,My son went back to church moved back in with us and wanted to go to a recovery group at church for his alcohol use. he went to one meeting but the next day ran into a friend who invited him to stay with him he told me he knows he should stay with us but he feels that pull is to strong and keeps him from doing right. I believe he is saved I think that is why he is so miserable because he cant live on the fence and be happy. My prOBlem is I dont know what to do any more for the boy, me and my husband have come to an agrement that we will not help him finacialy anymore and he can,t come back home and live with us . we love him and he is welcome to visit and get a meal . He doesn,t work and has been putting a little effort into looking for work . He is mad at God for letting his uncle dye and for his own life being so bad. I tellhim to take it to jesus he gets mad at me and tells me God doesn,t listen to him. My husband and I have broken hearts over this and wonder if this tough love is right , in my heart I feel like if we keep pulling our son up every time he falls we may be hindering God from working in his life. some times God lets you hit rock bottom . Any one have any advise for me ?
thank you Tammy

Oh, Tammy! What an absolute heartbreak! As much as it hurts, you and your hubby have made the most feasible decision. Your home is a safety net for your son (and there is no shame in that!!), but he hasn't come to a point in his life where he has surrendered to the Lord. That makes the safety net something that could be keeping him from totally realizing how God is working in his life.

What to do? The only thing any parent really can do when their adult child makes decisions that are unwise: pray for him and love him. Keep the door of your house open for visits (not overnight ones at this point) and occasional meals. God says to Israel: "I have loved thee with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee." God loves your son more than any of us can comprehend. And He wants your son to surrender to Him more than you and your hubby do.

Love your son. Don't harangue him about his sin. Reprove him when it is necessary, but don't nag. When he visits, share scripture at the table as a family. As he leaves, hug him and tell him you are praying for him. And remind him that God loves him more than he can know (even quote that verse above). He may get mad at that reminder, but that's okay. The Holy Spirit will work on him.

I think you are absolutely right that he knows he's wrong and is miserable because of it. Is there anyone you know who could take him under their wing and mentor him? Someone who is godly and will spend time with him. Perhaps he needs a good Christian friend so the "friends" of the world start to lose their appeal. Yes, Christ is to be our best Friend, and will be if we let Him. But we need people, too - that's the way God made us.

Will be praying...

[Miss Linda]

Oh Tammy, my heart just breaks for you and your whole family. I will be praying for your situation!!

[tammy hopeful]

I am praying God will sent some one into his life that he would listen to. It is very difficult for us right now back in the falll of last year he got in trouble with the law over a dui , God was merciful and he didn,t go to jail it was his first offence , but he had fines and community service to do he did most but lost his jOB and couldn't pay the rest of his fines . so there is a real possibility he will go to jail now, it doesn't seem to bother him now , he was scared before . he acts sometimes like nothing matters almost like he has just given up. we will not help, we dont have the money but I also wonder if maybe jail is where God wants him he would be soley dependent on God there. I admit I feel like a bad parent when I hear myself say I am going to let my son go to jail if need be.
Tammy

[HappyChristian]

I am praying God will sent some one into his life that he would listen to. It is very difficult for us right now back in the falll of last year he got in trouble with the law over a dui , God was merciful and he didn,t go to jail it was his first offence , but he had fines and community service to do he did most but lost his jOB and couldn't pay the rest of his fines . so there is a real possibility he will go to jail now, it doesn't seem to bother him now , he was scared before . he acts sometimes like nothing matters almost like he has just given up. we will not help, we dont have the money but I also wonder if maybe jail is where God wants him he would be soley dependent on God there. I admit I feel like a bad parent when I hear myself say I am going to let my son go to jail if need be.
Tammy

Don't feel bad about letting him go to jail if that is where he ends up. It's the path he has chosen at this point, and could very well be the way God will finally be able to get through to him. Just continue to beg God for His mercy and His grace, and that He will draw your son to Him.

[Saved IFB]

My prayers went up, Tammy.

[tammy hopeful]

thank you for all the advice, my family has had a very tough time this last three weeks , my brother died four days before my husbands brother ,in fact we were at the funeral of my brother when my son called and told us he had found his dads brother that morning. believe me I am a first hand witness to Gods grace if it were not for his mercy I dont know how we would have gotten through this. I realy thank God for this forum , Our emotions and feelings are running high and we wonder if our dcsisions are right, believe me we pray but satan will plant that doubt in your mind and you wonder if you are doing whats right. You all have made us surer that this is the right thing to do not just for my son but for the rest of my family. I just keep reading Isaiah 59:1 and I will leave it in Gods hands You are so right he does love my son more than I am even cabable of.Tammy

[4everHis]

My heart goes with you, my sister. I will be in prayer for you and for your entire family, particularly your son.

As to feeling like a bad parent, I can only say that it is natural to feel badly when our kids are doing wrong and the solution is beyond our control. However, feelings and reality are often miles apart. As God leads you and your husband to show love to your son without enabling him to escape life's reality, remember that it is always tougher to do the right thing in these situations. May God truly comfort your hearts and hold you close as He woos your son back to a close fellowship with Him. May He protect your marriage and keep you both on the same page. May He protect your son from permanently harming his relationship with his own child. May you find the next Thanksgiving one where ALL of you are rejoicing together in what He has done in your lives.

I echo Happy Christian's advice as to the practical matters. God bless you.

[1Timothy115]

I have a son who had to hit bottom before he looked up. His heart's disire is pleasing God.
I have another son and daughter who are very similar and will prOBably suffer much pain as a result.

Your son...
Keep praying, continue reading God's word. Continue to tell him every time you see him you are
praying for him and that you love him. Don't change your routine of daily prayer and reading unless
to increase time spent with God. Let him see the most important thing in your life is the daily time
with God. If you didn't do this before begin now.

But, let him shoulder the burdens from his sins financially, physically, and spiritually.
Pray with him at every opportunity; dinner, lunch, departures, arrivals, and when questions are asked.

I prayed for your son. The results may take years.

[Nathaniel]

I'm praying for you Tammy

Edited November 23, 2010 by Nathaniel

[tammy hopeful]

Thank you so much for the prayers , I may seem solid and strong on the out side, but on the inside this is a daily struggle for me, not to worry, and to keep my hands off and let God work .Being a parent there is a part of me that wants to try and fix him , but he is grown and this is not a skinned up knee he is dealing with. So I do the best that I know how and that is take it to the lord , which I find myself doing several times a day , buit it is only Gods grace that keeps me going at times . And that is more than enough.

[JerryNumbers]

Tammy, I know its tough. Sometimes we have to get tough. Years back I had trouble with my daughter, divorced, living with us, and stayed out all night.

I told her plain, if you live with your mother and father, you will not be allowed to do those things you never saw us do, those things we never taught you to do, but not to do. Get right, or get out, we will not support that in any manner.

Scared my wife to death, must of had shocked on my daughter quite a bit, for she did what was right. Later she told me I did the right thing and thanked me for doing so.

I might add, sometimes all that is left is to keep praying for them, trying to give them and encouraging word when you can.

My wife's brother has tried doing the opposite, lets one son and a daughter live with them and all they have done is got sorrier than dirt, lazy, and feeds off of them, and want help them in no way. They come and go as they please, sometime going a day at a time, come in at all hours of the night, sometimes gone days at a time, doping and drinking. And of course they have their drinking and doping friends in and out. Guess what, their 2 grandsons are learning from their mother and father, and its looking like they will be the same way.

Prayers.

[Suzy Q]

Hi I am new here but I am hoping maybe one of you has dealt with this kind of prOBlem before. My children were raised in church My oldest 22 has always been rebelious . he moved out when he was 18 he has moved back home a total of 6 times in 4 years .he got married and now is divorced has a son who he can,t take care of . He drinks a lot, we wont allow it here so he always moves out. . He was living with his fathers brother and he found him dead . This was very hard on him it happened 2 weeks ago he died at 50 years from drug overdose ,My son went back to church moved back in with us and wanted to go to a recovery group at church for his alcohol use. he went to one meeting but the next day ran into a friend who invited him to stay with him he told me he knows he should stay with us but he feels that pull is to strong and keeps him from doing right. I believe he is saved I think that is why he is so miserable because he cant live on the fence and be happy. My prOBlem is I dont know what to do any more for the boy, me and my husband have come to an agrement that we will not help him finacialy anymore and he can,t come back home and live with us . we love him and he is welcome to visit and get a meal . He doesn,t work and has been putting a little effort into looking for work . He is mad at God for letting his uncle dye and for his own life being so bad. I tellhim to take it to jesus he gets mad at me and tells me God doesn,t listen to him. My husband and I have broken hearts over this and wonder if this tough love is right , in my heart I feel like if we keep pulling our son up every time he falls we may be hindering God from working in his life. some times God lets you hit rock bottom . Any one have any advise for me ?
thank you Tammy

Tammy, my heart breaks for you because I know exactly what you are going through. There is nothing more difficult than having to use 'tough love' on your child. My family has gone through some terribly dark spots over the last couple of years because of our son. He is 23, so very close in age to your son.
Like your son, our's moved out of the house when he was 18. He had told us that he had gotten a girl pregnant and was gonna do the right thing by her. Well, it wasn't as simple as just a young girl in trouble (not that getting a girl pregnant is no big deal - it is). Over the last few years, we've learned an awful lot about the whole mess. Sad to say, he is still with this female and they are both involved in satanism now My husband and I have done a lot of soul-searching.....and have finally come to the conclusion that we did not do anything wrong while raising him - and that doesn't mean we did a perfect jOB either, because no one can. He was raised in the church - and we believe he is saved. He even surrendered to be a preacher (evangelist) when he was 17 years old. He knows the Bible, yet was very angry when I severed all communication with him even though he knows we, as Christians, aren't supposed to have anything to do with the devil. Yesterday, December 6, marked 6 months since we have spoken. That is the hardest thing I've ever done as a Mama - it was/is like ripping my heart out. It is a grief that will not get easier. Nothing can 'fix' him, believe me - I have tried my best. It is going to take the Lord. That's the only way our boy will ever get straightened out.
Please know that you and your family will be in my prayers. NOBody can hurt you like your own child. May our wonderful Lord bless you with a comfort and peace that assures you that you are doing the right thing, my friend. Give it ALL to Jesus.
Suzy Q

P.S. Feel free to talk with me anytime you wish, my dear. I'm always available to listen, try to help if I can, and pray with you about the situation.