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Do Wives Have To Love Their Husbands?

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While husbands are commanded to love their wives; the wives are commanded not to love their husbands, but rather, to respect them.

†. Eph 5:3 . . And the wife, see that she reverence her husband.

†. Eph 5:22 . .Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Shaunti Feldhahn relates a survey taken among segregated groups of men and women with this question: Given a choice; would you rather be disrespected, or would you rather live alone and unloved in the world?

Just about every one of the ladies chose disrespect rather than living alone and unloved in the world; while the men chose to live alone and unloved rather than be disrespected.

This only goes to show why most women cannot understand why their men get upset with them so often. It's simply because they're under the impression they're supposed to love him the way they expect him to love her and the meanwhile treat him like dirt. No, it doesn't work that way. A man feels loved when he's respected; and he doesn't get the message any other way.

I once overheard a conversation between a caller and Dr. Laura on radio that went something like this:

Caller: I can't respect my husband; he hasn't earned it.

Dr. Laura: Have you earned your husband's love?

Caller: I shouldn't have to earn his love. It's a husband's place to love his wife unconditionally.

Dr. Laura: Aren't you being a bit unfair? You expect your husband to love you unconditionally, while refusing to respect him unconditionally? Isn't that a double standard? No wonder you two drifted apart!

The problem was, the caller was unaware that men and women perceive love differently.

If you are a young American Christian woman reading this, I can just about guarantee you don't have a clue how to love a man. Why? Because you've grown up in a modern world shaped by years of feminist activism and now somebody is going to have to de-program all that subtle brain washing and start with you from scratch and teach you a thing or two about the male mystique.

†. Titus 2:3-5 . . The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

When Paul says "teach" he isn't talking about lecturing; he's talking about training. Ironically, Paul doesn't lay the responsibility for training young women how to love a man on the young women's mothers; no, every aged woman in church, as a unified community of sisters, shares this obligation.

Loving a man rarely comes natural to any young woman. No, the average young woman is in a defensive posture: she's self absorbed, self centered, and very good at chafing men rather than respecting them. Some women are actually proud of their ability to make a man angry!

†. Rom 12:2 . . And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Here's a really sad example of a Baptist woman's utter failure to respect her man.

My wife and I used to baby-sit for a couple at church whenever they were away. When they came over one night to pick up their kids, my son and theirs were playing a really good Nintendo game. The daddy informed the kids it was time to go, and in customary kid-fashion they ignored him. So he became gruff and ordered them out to the car.

His wife then proceeded to come down on him like the wrath of God and said: You're yelling at them in front of the Webers! Well, guess what? Mrs. Self Righteous was yelling at her husband in front of the Webers too and if you could have seen the look on his face you'd know that the husband was not going to get over the effects of his wife's public scolding for a long while to come; if ever.

You know, kids get used to their dads yelling at them in front of others. To kids, it's just a fact of life. However, I seriously doubt there's a man on earth who can get used to his wife demeaning him in front of others.

†. Prv 14:1 . . A wise woman builds her home; a foolish woman tears her home down with her own hands.

If you are a young Christian woman reading this, I urge you to get the three books below and begin preparing yourself for the day when you will be living with a man. Prepare now, don’t wait till the horse is out of the corral before shutting the gate.

What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us
Danielle Crittenden

The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands
Dr. Laura Schlessinger

For Women Only
Shaunti Feldhahn

BTW: Dr. Laura is a Jew; but highly educated and professionally experienced in family counseling. Don’t let her imperious demeanor and/or her religious preference cause you to shy away from her books. There's an old saying that goes like this: Nobody is wrong all the time.

†. Mtt 11:19 . .Wisdom is justified of her children.

In other words; the proof is in the pudding. And like they say: Any port in a storm.

C.L.I.F.F.
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Edited by Webers_Home
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I had a Great Aunt Clara, and her husband Uncle Coy. I always felt for Uncle Coy, Aunt Clara was the biggest nag in the country, always on to him about something. And Aunt Clara was not bashful, not the least bit, she did not mind the least bit who heard her nagging Uncle Coy. It seemed at time the more than was around, the harder she nagged him.

Boy did Aunt Clara treat me wonderful, I had much love for that woman, yet I always felt bad for Uncle Coy, I said in my younger days, If I had been Uncle Coy I would have been a drunk to from all that nagging she gave him.

Pr 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Pr 25:24 It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.

I guess in later life Uncle Coy got enough of it. One day Linda and my mother were is a large town 50 miles from us at a shopping center. Linda saw his blue & white Ford truck setting in front of a Bonanzas Steak house. She walked over close to it and just happen to see Coy and a woman, not Aunt Clara, setting by the front windows at a booth. Linda walked up to the window and knocked on it. Coy looked right in her face, she said, 'It looked like he had seen a ghost when he looked me in the eyes with my face held up close to that window, said it looked like a dead man staring back at her through that Bonanzas Steak house window' I was determined for him to see that I saw, plus, 'I was wavering at him and I was not going to leave that window until he waved back at me,' Finally he did and she walked over and told mother what she seen, them mother waved towards him.

I asked Linda what the woman did, she said she set there looking at her with her mouth hanging wide open. I think that day Uncle Coy stopped his wayward ways for fear of Linda showing up again.

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I had a Great Aunt Clara, and her husband Uncle Coy. I always felt for Uncle Coy, Aunt Clara was the biggest nag in the country, always on to him about something. And Aunt Clara was not bashful, not the least bit, she did not mind the least bit who heard her nagging Uncle Coy. It seemed at time the more than was around, the harder she nagged him.

Boy did Aunt Clara treat me wonderful, I had much love for that woman, yet I always felt bad for Uncle Coy, I said in my younger days, If I had been Uncle Coy I would have been a drunk to from all that nagging she gave him.

Pr 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Pr 25:24 It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.

I guess in later life Uncle Coy got enough of it. One day Linda and my mother were is a large town 50 miles from us at a shopping center. Linda saw his blue & white Ford truck setting in front of a Bonanzas Steak house. She walked over close to it and just happen to see Coy and a woman, not Aunt Clara, setting by the front windows at a booth. Linda walked up to the window and knocked on it. Coy looked right in her face, she said, 'It looked like he had seen a ghost when he looked me in the eyes with my face held up close to that window, said it looked like a dead man staring back at her through that Bonanzas Steak house window' I was determined for him to see that I saw, plus, 'I was wavering at him and I was not going to leave that window until he waved back at me,' Finally he did and she walked over and told mother what she seen, them mother waved towards him.

I asked Linda what the woman did, she said she set there looking at her with her mouth hanging wide open. I think that day Uncle Coy stopped his wayward ways for fear of Linda showing up again.


Not to be argumentative here, but was Uncle Coy doing something inappropriate with the woman in the Bonanza, like holding her hand or kissing on her or something? Or was he just having a meal with her? In other words, was he doing something that would make some think he was cheating on your Aunt or was he having lunch with a co-worker or something like that?
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CLIFF, you have some good points here. You're correct that, as Scripture commands, wives should be submitting to and respecting their husbands, and husbands should be loving their wives as Christ loved the church (and if I can add a bit more), dwelling with them according to knowledge, and treating them with honor, as they would a precious, delicate vase ("weaker vessel"). Let me ask you this: do you think that a husband who undresses other women with his eyes, gapes at and drools over other women, and has erotic fantasies about those women is honoring and loving his wife? Just askin'...You've been strangely absent in that other thread for a couple of days. I must say that right now you are the last person from whom I'd accept any marital advice, and I'm surprised you can give it in good countenance, considering the unbiblical ideas you've stated before. Maybe there's an obvious idea the rest of us are missing, and you could easily disabuse us of the notion that you condone uncleanness. If so, by all means, head back on over to the other thread and answer the questions that you've left hanging. Until you do so, I have a feeling that most of us on here will just roll our eyes when you try to tell us how to "love" and "respect" one another in our marriages.

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CLIFF, you have some good points here. You're correct that, as Scripture commands, wives should be submitting to and respecting their husbands, and husbands should be loving their wives as Christ loved the church (and if I can add a bit more), dwelling with them according to knowledge, and treating them with honor, as they would a precious, delicate vase ("weaker vessel"). Let me ask you this: do you think that a husband who undresses other women with his eyes, gapes at and drools over other women, and has erotic fantasies about those women is honoring and loving his wife? Just askin'...You've been strangely absent in that other thread for a couple of days. I must say that right now you are the last person from whom I'd accept any marital advice, and I'm surprised you can give it in good countenance, considering the unbiblical ideas you've stated before. Maybe there's an obvious idea the rest of us are missing, and you could easily disabuse us of the notion that you condone uncleanness. If so, by all means, head back on over to the other thread and answer the questions that you've left hanging. Until you do so, I have a feeling that most of us on here will just roll our eyes when you try to tell us how to "love" and "respect" one another in our marriages.


:goodpost:

One is not loving, respecting or honouring a spouse if they look upon another having any sexual thoughts or fantasies. Anyone who doesn't understand this certainly can't rightly teach on proper marriages.
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Good post, Annie - I wholeheartedly echo your thoughts! Also, weber, please remember we post only the KJB. Prov. 14:1 is incorrectly quoted. Thanks.

An interesting thing that struck me long ago was the fact that God never instructed women to love their husbands (as weber noted), but did instruct men to love their wives. And I often wondered why...but I think there is a good explanation.

The relationship between a husband and wife is compared to the Christ and the church. And what does the Bible say? "We love Him because He first loved us." Now, I know that at times women grow to love a man before the man does the woman, but my thought here is that if the husband loves his wife the way Christ loves the church (as he is commanded to do), it will be so much easier for the woman to grow to love her husband. Yes, a woman is to be in submission to her husband whether he loves her or not, but, so too is a man to love his wife whether she submits or not.

It is interesting, also, that God adjures the older women to teach the younger women to love their husbands...I think this is necessary if a younger woman has grown up in a home where the parental relationship is not right. If the young woman has the proper relationship modeled before her, she will learn from her mother what type of wife she is to be and from her father what type husband she should wed.

As to Dr. Laura - she was dead wrong by asking that woman if she had earned her husband's love. That's one of the problems with going to the lost for marital counsel. As noted earlier, the husband is commanded to love his wife. Not to make her earn his love. The wife is commanded to reverence her husband, not to make him earn her respect. It's a two-way street and any time someone tries to lay the entire responsibility on one set of shoulders it is wrong.

It is sad that the woman rebuked her husband in front of people - but, truly, the husband is to be the head of the home, so he must allow her to get away with it at home (as well as allow his children to ignore him and be sullen).

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Good post, Annie - I wholeheartedly echo your thoughts! Also, weber, please remember we post only the KJB. Prov. 14:1 is incorrectly quoted. Thanks.

An interesting thing that struck me long ago was the fact that God never instructed women to love their husbands (as weber noted), but did instruct men to love their wives. And I often wondered why...but I think there is a good explanation.

The relationship between a husband and wife is compared to the Christ and the church. And what does the Bible say? "We love Him because He first loved us." Now, I know that at times women grow to love a man before the man does the woman, but my thought here is that if the husband loves his wife the way Christ loves the church (as he is commanded to do), it will be so much easier for the woman to grow to love her husband. Yes, a woman is to be in submission to her husband whether he loves her or not, but, so too is a man to love his wife whether she submits or not.

It is interesting, also, that God adjures the older women to teach the younger women to love their husbands...I think this is necessary if a younger woman has grown up in a home where the parental relationship is not right. If the young woman has the proper relationship modeled before her, she will learn from her mother what type of wife she is to be and from her father what type husband she should wed.

As to Dr. Laura - she was dead wrong by asking that woman if she had earned her husband's love. That's one of the problems with going to the lost for marital counsel. As noted earlier, the husband is commanded to love his wife. Not to make her earn his love. The wife is commanded to reverence her husband, not to make him earn her respect. It's a two-way street and any time someone tries to lay the entire responsibility on one set of shoulders it is wrong.

It is sad that the woman rebuked her husband in front of people - but, truly, the husband is to be the head of the home, so he must allow her to get away with it at home (as well as allow his children to ignore him and be sullen).

Very well put on all counts, LuAnne! The wifely submission/respect and husbandly love/honor are NOT given in response to anything the partner has "earned," but in response to God's command. God can and does give me as a wife the grace to submit to my husband even in the moments I feel he is being unloving. Case in point: one night a few weeks ago I was repeatedly getting out of bed (as my hubby was trying to get to sleep) for various reasons that I considered important (and thought my husband should, too), but that my husband apparently considered simply annoying (making sure the pets had been fed and watered, responding again to a meowing feline, turning off some lights in the living room, tidying my office desk up on the way back to bed, etc.). Upon hearing one of the kids (who was running a fever) cough, I suddenly remembered that I hadn't given her the bedtime dosage of medicine. Knowing that my hubby was getting fed up with my roamings, I tried oh-so-quietly to slide out of bed, so as not to disturb him again. "Don't you move," he said. I appealed...told him I was really sorry, but that dd needed her medicine. He was unmoved and repeated the command--yes, the command!--to stay in bed. I was inwardly appalled at "this man's unloving, unsympathetic attitude toward me and his daughter," but answered nothing, and prayed that I would avail myself of God's grace to submit wholly--mind and body--to my husband, and to reverence him as instructed in Scripture. And, you know what? The grace was freely given as I trusted God for my daughter's welfare and confessed my sin of nonsubmission. My "proper response," as you could call it, was not a result of my husband having earned it, but of God's enablement of me as I tried to obey His Word. This is the truth that pop psychology completely leaves out, and in so doing, robs the ideas of submission and respect and love of their true meanings. Edited by Annie
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Titus 2:3-5 . . The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Seems to me, that if God wants a woman to be taught to do something, He wants her to do it. That's not rocket science.
And a woman, who truly is in love with her husband WILL reverence him. In fact, she will honour and obey him. This is not subservience; it is simply God's order of authority. A wife who loves and reverences her husband and submits to his headship can have everything she wants out of life; authority, wealth, peace, happiness, love and honour. She can even be an entrepreneur. You can read about her life in Proverbs 31. I'm married to such a wife, BTW.

If a wife cannot bring herself to submit to her husband; that is no excuse for him; he is still responsible for the Godly order of his family. Jerry #s, I would have to say your uncle didn't "man up" and take the lead in his home. And Cliff; if you look and and lust after other women, you don't love your wife.

Edited by heartstrings
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Titus 2:3-5 . . The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Seems to me, that if God wants a woman to be taught to do something, He wants her to do it. That's not rocket science.
And a woman, who truly is in love with her husband WILL reverence him. In fact, she will honour and obey him. This is not subservience; it is simply God's order of authority. A wife who loves and reverences her husband and submits to his headship can have everything she wants out of life; authority, wealth, peace, happiness, love and honour. She can even be an entrepreneur. You can read about her life in Proverbs 31. I'm married to such a wife, BTW.

If a wife cannot bring herself to submit to her husband; that is no excuse for him; he is still responsible for the Godly order of his family. Jerry #s, I would have to say your uncle didn't "man up" and take the lead in his home. And Cliff; if you look and and lust after other women, you don't love your wife.

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do you think that a husband who undresses other women with his eyes, gapes at and drools over other women, and has erotic fantasies about those women is honoring and loving his wife?

Would you rate yourself a domineering woman, or an insecure woman; or maybe even both?

You've been strangely absent in that other thread for a couple of days.

People were becoming a bit too ugly, and a bit too personal with their remarks.

I must say that right now you are the last person from whom I'd accept any marital advice

The purpose of this topic is not so much marital advice as it is pre-marital counseling. If young unmarried Christian girls will take the time to study those three books I recommended, they will have a much better chance at success in their marriages than the silly air heads who enter marriage without a clue.

the unbiblical ideas you've stated before.

They may seem unbiblical to you; but not to me.

FYI: It's my policy to caution opponents about using words like "unbiblical" and "you are wrong" lest the day comes when they're forced to eat them.

Maybe there's an obvious idea the rest of us are missing, and you could easily disabuse us of the notion that you condone uncleanness. If so, by all means, head back on over to the other thread and answer the questions that you've left hanging.

Not happening. In point of fact, this is my final on this topic too.

C.L.I.F.F.
/ Edited by Webers_Home
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Would you rate yourself a domineering woman, or an insecure woman; or maybe even both?


People were becoming a bit too ugly, and a bit too personal with their remarks.


The purpose of this topic is not so much marital advice as it is pre-marital counseling. If young unmarried Christian girls will take the time to study those three books I recommended, they will have a much better chance at success in their marriages than the silly air heads who enter marriage without a clue.


They may seem unbiblical to you; but not to me.

FYI: It's my policy to caution opponents about using words like "unbiblical" and "you are wrong" lest the day comes when they're forced to eat them.


Not happening. In point of fact, this is my final on this topic too.

C.L.I.F.F.
/


As well it should be your final post on this topic because you can't biblically defend the unbiblical positions you have put forth.
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Would you rate yourself a domineering woman, or an insecure woman; or maybe even both?


I just asked my husband your question, and he (laughing out loud) said that on the scale (1-10) of being domineering, he'd probably rate me at about a 2, although when I'm really upset or determined, I can rise to a 3. There is no doubt in anyone's mind that my husband is the leader in our home. I accept and embrace his leadership wholeheartedly, and respect him accordingly.
On a scale of insecurity (again, 1-10), I rate in the negative integers. My hubby and I were high school sweethearts...have been "going steady" for over 22 years now. Sure, there have been ups and downs, but my trust in him is rock solid. Also, I flatter myself that I'm a fairly attractive person (not extraordinarily so, to be sure), and I know my husband finds me beautiful because he tells me so just about every day (and not in response to any manipulative/insecure "fishing for compliments" on my end). What is even better is that his love for me is not based on physical attraction, but on his commitment to agape, "til death do us part" love. He has, as he vowed 15 years ago, "forsaken all others" and "kept himself" only for me. He doesn't allow himself to break his marriage vows by visually undressing other women, and indulging in erotic fantasies about them. He is open about fleshly struggles in this area, but, by God's grace, has them firmly under control.

I answered your question; care to answer mine? Naw...Apparently, you'd rather just blow smoke, then duck and run.


So, you're going to take your ball and go home? C'mon, be a man! (Don't take that as a personal insult; I just can't believe something as small as that would make you turn tail...especially because, in addition to what you consider "ugliness," there are substantive comments on that thread that you really should address if you want to retain any credibility on this board.)


They may seem unbiblical to you; but not to me.

FYI: It's my policy to caution opponents about using words like "unbiblical" and "you are wrong" lest the day comes when they're forced to eat them.


Then make me eat them. I'll be more than happy to eat them (pass the salt!) if they are proven to be unbiblical. The problem here is that there is no biblical justification for what you have stated. If I'm wrong, and there is biblical (not psychological or opinion-based) justification for your ideas, I'll be happy to consider it. So, interact with what I've posted, and show how my ideas doesn't match up with Scripture. I actually WELCOME such interaction...but you evidently can't handle it.


Not happening. In point of fact, this is my final on this topic too.

And that fact speaks volumes...not only about your ideas, but also about your fortitude in communicating them. Why bother starting threads about issues and ideas that you have no intention of defending or discussing when they are challenged? Perhaps it is because these ideas aren't worth defending, because they don't hold up under scrutiny. Edited by Annie
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I just asked my husband your question, and he (laughing out loud) said that on the scale (1-10) of being domineering, he'd probably rate me at about a 2, although when I'm really upset or determined, I can rise to a 3. There is no doubt in anyone's mind that my husband is the leader in our home. I accept and embrace his leadership wholeheartedly, and respect him accordingly.
On a scale of insecurity (again, 1-10), I rate in the negative integers. My hubby and I were high school sweethearts...have been "going steady" for over 22 years now. Sure, there have been ups and downs, but my trust in him is rock solid. Also, I flatter myself that I'm a fairly attractive person (not extraordinarily so, to be sure), and I know my husband finds me beautiful because he tells me so just about every day (and not in response to any manipulative/insecure "fishing for compliments" on my end). What is even better is that his love for me is not based on physical attraction, but on his commitment to agape, "til death do us part" love. He has, as he vowed 15 years ago, "forsaken all others" and "kept himself" only for me. He doesn't allow himself to break his marriage vows by visually undressing other women, and indulging in erotic fantasies about them. He is open about fleshly struggles in this area, but, by God's grace, has them firmly under control.

I answered your question; care to answer mine? Naw...Apparently, you'd rather just blow smoke, then duck and run.


So, you're going to take your ball and go home? C'mon, be a man! (Don't take that as a personal insult; I just can't believe something as small as that would make you turn tail...especially because, in addition to what you consider "ugliness," there are substantive comments on that thread that you really should address if you want to retain any credibility on this board.)



Then make me eat them. I'll be more than happy to eat them (pass the salt!) if they are proven to be unbiblical. The problem here is that there is no biblical justification for what you have stated. If I'm wrong, and there is biblical (not psychological or opinion-based) justification for your ideas, I'll be happy to consider it. So, interact with what I've posted, and show how my ideas doesn't match up with Scripture. I actually WELCOME such interaction...but you evidently can't handle it.


And that fact speaks volumes...not only about your ideas, but also about your fortitude in communicating them. Why bother starting threads about issues and ideas that you have no intention of defending or discussing when they are challenged? Perhaps it is because these ideas aren't worth defending, because they don't hold up under scrutiny.


Well articulated Annie! :thumb:
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This discussion has actually been difficult to read. Many post are correct according to His Word. It just makes me wonder their point then sadly I see no love being shown in their reply. Maybe someone said just this but I misunderstood...if so, please have patience with me. I'm persuaded by His Word that women are given instruction to "reverance" your husband which is Respect. He doesn't have to earn this Repect because it's his position as husband/ representing Christ in the home. It is the LORD'S will our husband's show us love but this doesn't have any bearing on our showing Respect or as is written in the KJV 'reverance.' If this is difficult just realize ultimately your respecting Christ. Regardless of how your husband may be living his life in and out of His home. Any Christian men walking with the LORD...Would you share what make's you know your Respected by your wife? I have found this to be a struggle when your praying and doing all you know to Respect him as the LORD said but stuck in feeling I'm missing the mark. Men and Women feel differently. (Surprised?) Would any be willing to share what you see wive's missing in way's of showing their own husband's Respect? Maybe how we can show Disrespect without ever seeing or understanding? This would be a blessing for me, as I feel I miss the mark so often. Just walking as a baby sister in Christ can be a struggle yet even when I need Him to hold my hand - He alway's does because He Love's even me!

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This discussion has actually been difficult to read. Many post are correct according to His Word. It just makes me wonder their point then sadly I see no love being shown in their reply. Maybe someone said just this but I misunderstood...if so, please have patience with me. I'm persuaded by His Word that women are given instruction to "reverance" your husband which is Respect. He doesn't have to earn this Repect because it's his position as husband/ representing Christ in the home. It is the LORD'S will our husband's show us love but this doesn't have any bearing on our showing Respect or as is written in the KJV 'reverance.' If this is difficult just realize ultimately your respecting Christ. Regardless of how your husband may be living his life in and out of His home. Any Christian men walking with the LORD...Would you share what make's you know your Respected by your wife? I have found this to be a struggle when your praying and doing all you know to Respect him as the LORD said but stuck in feeling I'm missing the mark. Men and Women feel differently. (Surprised?) Would any be willing to share what you see wive's missing in way's of showing their own husband's Respect? Maybe how we can show Disrespect without ever seeing or understanding? This would be a blessing for me, as I feel I miss the mark so often. Just walking as a baby sister in Christ can be a struggle yet even when I need Him to hold my hand - He alway's does because He Love's even me!


Actually listening when a husband is talking is important. It's disrespectful to not listen, to go about noisy housework so you can't hear, or to continually interrupt.

Not arguing or disagreeing with your husband when he's correcting or instructing the children. If a wife has an issue with what the husband says or does regarding the children she should discuss this with him in private.

Not belittling her husband in public. This seems to be all too common among some women, almost like some game, where wives see who can tear their husband down more in public.

Not arguing with her husband in public.

Keeping a civil attitude. While some wives might not say a lot that comes out disrespectful, whether in public or private, their attitude can still show such...rolling her eyes at him, turning her back on him, showing silent defiance...

For the most part, respect is respect. What we see as disrespectful in others are things wives should avoid doing with their husbands.

Being calm and having patience with a husband can often go a long ways, even in a strained marriage, to making things better.

Typically a husband likes to feel appreciated, this is seen by the husband as being respected by his wife. Husbands like to know their wives appreciate them mowing the lawn, fixing the kitchen cabinet, taking care of the car, working at a tough job, helping them with a task, etc. How many times I've heard wives complaining that these things "are all he does" and "he's supposed to do that anyway". Such sounds unappreciatvie to a husband and disrespectful. Sure, it might be the husbands duty to repair the garage door, but it does a marriage much good when the wife let's her husband know she appreciates his efforts even if it's something he's "supposed to do" or "has to do" anyway.

A little attention goes a long ways. A "thank you", a "that looks good dear" or "I'm glad you take care of these things" might not seem like much, and some men might not seem to respond greatly to them, but on the inside such comments reach a man. Over time, such can make a really big difference. Just make sure such comments are made with a good attitude and sincerity; not with any sarcasm as is a big problem in some marriages.

I hope this is helpful as I didn't give it any real thought, just stuff off the top of my head.

By the way, great to "see" you again His By Grace!!!
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Actually listening when a husband is talking is important. It's disrespectful to not listen, to go about noisy housework so you can't hear, or to continually interrupt.

Not arguing or disagreeing with your husband when he's correcting or instructing the children. If a wife has an issue with what the husband says or does regarding the children she should discuss this with him in private.

Not belittling her husband in public. This seems to be all too common among some women, almost like some game, where wives see who can tear their husband down more in public.

Not arguing with her husband in public.

Keeping a civil attitude. While some wives might not say a lot that comes out disrespectful, whether in public or private, their attitude can still show such...rolling her eyes at him, turning her back on him, showing silent defiance...

For the most part, respect is respect. What we see as disrespectful in others are things wives should avoid doing with their husbands.

Being calm and having patience with a husband can often go a long ways, even in a strained marriage, to making things better.

Typically a husband likes to feel appreciated, this is seen by the husband as being respected by his wife. Husbands like to know their wives appreciate them mowing the lawn, fixing the kitchen cabinet, taking care of the car, working at a tough job, helping them with a task, etc. How many times I've heard wives complaining that these things "are all he does" and "he's supposed to do that anyway". Such sounds unappreciatvie to a husband and disrespectful. Sure, it might be the husbands duty to repair the garage door, but it does a marriage much good when the wife let's her husband know she appreciates his efforts even if it's something he's "supposed to do" or "has to do" anyway.

A little attention goes a long ways. A "thank you", a "that looks good dear" or "I'm glad you take care of these things" might not seem like much, and some men might not seem to respond greatly to them, but on the inside such comments reach a man. Over time, such can make a really big difference. Just make sure such comments are made with a good attitude and sincerity; not with any sarcasm as is a big problem in some marriages.

I hope this is helpful as I didn't give it any real thought, just stuff off the top of my head.

By the way, great to "see" you again His By Grace!!!


:thumb: Edited by heartstrings
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Proverbs 31:23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. When describing the life of the virtuous woman, why does it say that her "husband is known in the gates"? It says that because the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 is a woman who builds her husband up instead of tearing him down. No other person has such power as a man's wife. She can make him or break him, so to speak. Now read one of the things that happens to this woman because of such virtuous conduct.......
Proverbs 31:28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Proverbs 31 shows a family whose members who encourage and thereby bulid each other up. Showing appreciation makes the other person want to do even better and it shows that you really love them: It really does glorify God.....


16But unto the wicked God saith, What hast thou to do to declare my statutes, or that thou shouldest take my covenant in thy mouth?

17Seeing thou hatest instruction, and castest my words behind thee.

18When thou sawest a thief, then thou consentedst with him, and hast been partaker with adulterers.

19Thou givest thy mouth to evil, and thy tongue frameth deceit.

20Thou sittest and speakest against thy brother; thou slanderest thine own mother's son.

21These things hast thou done, and I kept silence; thou thoughtest that I was altogether such an one as thyself: but I will reprove thee, and set them in order before thine eyes.

22Now consider this, ye that forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver.

23Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me: and to him that ordereth his conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God.


A biting, slandering tongue is a destroyer.... But real reverence. and real, sincere, honest praise encourages people and it shows them that you really love them. It says "I appreciate you...you are valuable to me". Just start by praising your husband; brag on him; build him up and encourage him. As mentioned earlier; don't question him when he has to correct the kids; As long as he's not abusing them, that's what he's supposed to do. Your kids know if you respect him or not. Be an example. If you continue to reverence him and make every effort to honor him, and praise him for his achievements, it can make a huge difference in your home. Do that, and pretty soon, you'll hear him and the kids praising you too.

Edited by heartstrings
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I have a couple things. First, I want to rebuke all those who make any emphasis on the "Bible doesn't command women to love their husbands." Heartstrings pointed out how this is bogus based on Titus 2:4, but I want to go further. It is sort of like those who use Ephesians 5:21 to counter those who bring up (or in any way discuss) Ephesians 5:22. To make any kind of point out of it is to corrupt the word of God by watering down its teachings. It is dishonest.

Second, I hear a lot of mention of women who treat their husbands poorly and by manipulation usurp the position of authority. I've heard pastoral counsel that basically amounts to "it takes 2 to tango, fix your half--give 100%." This to me is a cop-out. It does not deal with the specifics. What advice can be given to a man in such a case? I personally believe it is improper to try to tell a man that if he does his part, she'll come around. What is the scriptural basis for this?

Edited by Captain Claptrap
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Obey the Word of God and trust God for the results.

Part of this should involve fervent prayer for your wife as well as everyone in your family. Pray specific prayers for individuals as well as general prayers for your family. Setting aside a specific daily time just for this purpose would be a good idea. Fasting along with this at least some of the time would be a good idea as well.

There are no "easy" answers beyond the "easy" answer Scripture gives us, and that is to obey God and leave the results in His hands.

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