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Limericks

I once knew a man named Earl,
Who married a countrified girl;
His son was named Jake,
His daughter, a snake,
And she was the family pearl!


There once was a man from ‘Orleans
Who thrived on bananas and beans;
He grew so small,
He was nothing at all;
Then he fell through a hole in his jeans!


There was a kid on my bus
Who never made much of a fuss;
He surprised us one day
When he stood up to say,
“Wanna hear how good I kin cuss?”


There was a man from Kalamazoo
Who always had nothing to do;
He got so bored,
He went out of his gourd,
And died of the “lambuckaroo.”


There was a man from Sarongue,
Who had a very unruly tongue,
He raised twelve kids,
And when asked how he did,
He said, “You have to have them while they are young.”


I thought I’d drop you a card,
But was afraid to drop it too hard;
If it got broke,
I might have a stroke,
And it would make a big mess in your yard!




I once knew some men from Peru,
Who were part of a motley old crew;
They all swung from trees,
And crawled on their knees,
Now they teach evolution at Perdue!


She once threw an egg at my house,
Because I had called her a louse;
She never forgave,
Till she went to her grave,
And passed the hate on to her spouse!


There once was a man from Bierut
Who loved to toot on his flute;
“He’s a strange one” they say,
Because he won’t play,
When he has a sore in his boot!


There was a young writer from Dell,
Who never had learned how to spell;
Though he tried to learn,
He could never discern,
How the ink in his pen turned to gel.


A woman of minor degree,
Had to pay the judge a small fee;
She paid her fine
With a bottle of wine,
I am told she got off scot-free!


There once was a young man named Fred,
Who received a hard knock in the head;
He laid down to rest,
And never had guessed,
That tomorrow he would wake up dead!


I have heard of a town called Perth,
A place of very great worth,
A wonderful place,
With plenty of space,
Even for the size of my girth!


Some “classics”:


There was a young man from Perth
Who was born on the day of his birth;
He was married, they say,
On his wife’s wedding day,
And he died on his last day on earth!
--copied

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket,
His daughter named Nan,
Ran off with a man,
And as for the money, they tuck it!
--copied


There once was a man from Quebec
He was buried in snow to his neck;
When asked “Are you froze”
He stuck up his nose,
And said, “we don’t call this cold in Quebec”!
--copied

End of “Classics”

There once was a man from Peor,
Who laid up his treasure in store;
Then Jesus came,
And called his name’
And now his treasure’s no more.

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