What can you do?

[ptwild]

Actually, no, I couldn't have done what I wanted lawfully when I was 14. That was almost 40 years ago, and, even though the 60's revolution was beginning to impact, minors were still under the keeping of their parents.

Depending on the state she is in, she could possibly go for emancipation; other than that, she is legally under her parents. So, no, she cannot legally do whatever she wants. I know in the state of Washington, a 13 year old can be emancipated; Ohio has an early emancipation age as well, but I can't remember what it is.

If her parents feel that she no longer can be a part of their family in their home, they can take measures to have her emancipated so she can legally live on her own. Otherwise, they could get into trouble if she does something illegal...

There is no argument that she is under the charge of her parents. But that only means as much as she allows it to mean. Look at it like this. It is illegal to steal something. You could have to pay a monetary fine and serve prison time in certain circumstances. But if you want to steal something, there is nothing to stop you. You can walk right into a convenient store and walk right out with a candy bar you didn't pay for (assuming the clerk doesn't catch you). Laws and rules are deterents, not safeguards.

The same applies here. Her parents can, and in fact have, tried to enforce household rules on her. If she doesn't follow the rules, then she is punished. But nothing can make her follow the rules. They cannot make her get in the car and go to church and sit through the service. They've tried. She, just like anyone else, can do whatever she wants. There may be consequences, but that only comes after the fact.

In the states in which I am licensed to practice, I know that emancipation proceedings have to be instituted by the child, not the parents. If the child doesn't want to be emancipated, the parents can't force them. The parent's could give her up for adotion or try to give her over to the state, but that would require relinquishing their parental rights, finding adoptive parents, or getting the state to take her (which I doubt they would do without either abuse by the parents or criminal activity by the child).

[JerryNumbers]

Some seem bent to do wrong no matter what their parents do. I suppose this comes from that sin nature within each of us. Such people seem to have no shame.

[ptwild]

Some seem bent to do wrong no matter what their parents do. I suppose this comes from that sin nature within each of us. Such people seem to have no shame.

I understand what you are saying Jerry, but this is such a conflicting situation. She seems to be doing so well in all other areas of her young life. She's very smart and a good student (set to graduate at 16), very respectful and humble and never known to get in any kind of trouble. She just refuses to OBey her parent's insistance that she attend church.

I know there came a time in my own life (and I suspect everyone else's) when I realized that I was in control of me. That meant that I made the decisions about what to do with my time and energy and that I was responsible for keeping myself in line. My parents could have asked me to go to church, but they couldn't have made me. For me, this happened in college. For this young lady, it appears to have happened earlier.

[Psalms18_28]

Not only she refuses to OBey her parents insistance, but refused to stay in a facility where her parents expected her to stay. Just because she doesn't do drugs, steals, etc. doesn't mean she have a authority issues. People who does drugs, steals, etc. do these things because they have a different type of prOBlem, not the rebellion type (I'm talking about in psychology, not the bible type of rebellion).

A rebellion would be not believe in God, dye their hair, wear their clothes in certain ways. But they don't runaway from facility, hitchhike, refuse to go with their parents, etc. So she definitely have a issue And She is not respectful as you think otherwise, she would have respect her parent's beliefs. And I'm surprised she is willing to let her parents homeschool because most homeschool teaching are very religious (they tend to relate to God in all their teaching)

[ptwild]

Not only she refuses to OBey her parents insistance, but refused to stay in a facility where her parents expected her to stay. Just because she doesn't do drugs, steals, etc. doesn't mean she have a authority issues. People who does drugs, steals, etc. do these things because they have a different type of prOBlem, not the rebellion type (I'm talking about in psychology, not the bible type of rebellion).

A rebellion would be not believe in God, dying their hair, wear their clothes in certain ways. But they don't runaway from facility, hitchhike, refuse to go with their parents, etc. And She is not respectful as you think otherwise, she would have respect her parent's beliefs. And I'm surprised she is willing to let her parents homeschool because most homeschool teaching are very religious (they tend to relate to God in all their teaching)

No one is suggesting that she is not acting rebellious. And even respectful people have moments of weakness. From the way my friend describes the situation, she is even respectful in being disrespectful.

I think the girl is very concerned about education, so I don't think she would do anything to jeopradize her academic career.

[Psalms18_28]

I'm saying, I'm surprised she didn't "make" them let her go to public school. Or ride the bus to school.

[HappyChristian]

I find it hard to believe that she's sweet in everything. I don't think we've gotten the whole story...

[ptwild]

I find it hard to believe that she's sweet in everything. I don't think we've gotten the whole story...

This whole thing has been a shock to everyone. I have known the girl her entire life and this thing came out of no where. I of course don't know everything, but my friend has never mentioned any type of discipline prOBlems before. She has always been a happy hard working kid with tons of potential. I also think it's a bit of a stretch to assume things about the girl just because of this. I don't know of anyone that didn't have some type of disagreement with their parents growing up. Granted, I've never seen anything like this, but refusing to go to church doesn't mean that a kid isn't sweet.

[HappyChristian]

Refusing to go to church even when her parents require it tells a lot about a person. And if you had kids, you'd know what I mean. There's something else going on and the parents need to get to the root of it. And, as a parent who has seen strange changes in her child...and then realized there were other less noticeable things going on - I can just about guarantee you there are other things happening.

I still don't think we've gotten the whole story. Whether it's from you or whether your friend hasn't told you everything - there are missing pieces from this.

[ptwild]

I'll admit that I don't know everything and that I would have liked to ask a few questions. But this is OBviously a touchy subject and, to my knowledge, I'm the only one outside of their family he's confided to about it. Considering as much, I accpet that he tells me only what he wants and that I can only believe that is all I need to know. There could be things that not even my friend knows about. But we could speculate day and night over this, applying our own experiences to this one when they are in fact totally different. I guess we are kind of limited to what we know and will have to assess the situation based on that, rather than conjecture.

[HappyChristian]

I'll admit that I don't know everything and that I would have liked to ask a few questions. But this is OBviously a touchy subject and, to my knowledge, I'm the only one outside of their family he's confided to about it. Considering as much, I accpet that he tells me only what he wants and that I can only believe that is all I need to know. There could be things that not even my friend knows about. But we could speculate day and night over this, applying our own experiences to this one when they are in fact totally different. I guess we are kind of limited to what we know and will have to assess the situation based on that, rather than conjecture.

But don't you see - it's all conjecture because none of us know all of the facts. And I agree, he told you just what he could have you know. I'm sure you'll be a good friend in support of him, too. This is a very sad situation.

[Anon]

A realization that you are your own person is only part of growing up. The next step is to realize that we are never really in full control of our lives and there is ultimately always others to answer to. She may be smart but she is very immature if she thinks she can get out of doing distasteful things by just saying "no".

[ptwild]

But don't you see - it's all conjecture because none of us know all of the facts. And I agree, he told you just what he could have you know. I'm sure you'll be a good friend in support of him, too. This is a very sad situation.

It's not all conjecture. We know some things and we have no reason to disbelieve them or think otherwise.

[ptwild]

A realization that you are your own person is only part of growing up. The next step is to realize that we are never really in full control of our lives and there is ultimately always others to answer to. She may be smart but she is very immature if she thinks she can get out of doing distasteful things by just saying "no".

I would agree with you if this were only one part of a long series of rejections of authority. However, it's just this one issue. Other than this, he says she has behaved exceptionally well. He even said that she is his most behaved child apart from this.

[Psalms18_28]

no, it is NOT just one issue. like you said, she ran away from facility, and it wasn't a church at all. Why did she do that?