Helpmeet? Helpmete? Help-meet? Help Me!

[speerjp1]

Johnathon this is what I mean about being a helpmeet. How are we meant to do that when we are not able to do it without being taken advantage of or laughed at.

When you are in such a difficult position, you have to do two thing:

First, try to take the laughter and teasing without offense and simply as friendly ribbing.

Second, when your husband is in a position where he can't make necessary arrangements for the household, such as he is, you should seek help and guidance from family and elder brothers in Christ.

For instance, my brother was in Afghanistan a couple of years ago and could not take care of his house. While he was away, his wife, who had their first child while he was gone, stayed with Christian friends and family, all of whom helped her gladly. I went by his house and turned on his gas water heater and furnace so the house would be warm and ready when he returned in January of last year. I also checked to make sure that he wouldn't come home to any prOBlems.

I know he was my brother, but I would have done the same and have done the same kind of thing for my brothers in Christ. My brother's wife simply didn't know how to do those things and needed family and Christian friends to help. I have often seen pastors and their wives help in such instances by going to meet with contractors to ensure the lady was not taken advantage of.

What I'm trying to say is that if you are in such an awkward position of inexperience, do not hesitate to pray to God for help and do not be surprised when that help comes in the form of caring Christian friends and family.

[speerjp1]

I wonder if I may jump in here? The "help" meet for man, is there to keep him focused on serving the Lord, and not necessarily to do the menial tasks that he neglects!

I Genesis, remember that Adam named all the animals as they )apparently) paraded by, but did not find a mat that5 was "meet" or fit, for him. None of them were able to "meet" the need, the ache inside for companionship. You may remember that Adam had the company of the Father in Eden, so it was more than companionship he needed--it was a tangible friendship more on a human level. There were no other creatures like him, and he was created with special needs that only woman could meet. It was, of course, all in God's plan as he later told them to go forth and multiply, and replenish the earth. Her ability to help him is like no other creature--it is unique in itself, as mankind is unique from all other creatures on earth.

You see, (and this will not go over well) woman was made for man! Man was made for God, and woman was made for man. She is to help keep him focused on walking with the Lord, and keeping His commandments. She does this by meeting the physical needs, so that he is not distracted by other women or things; if he is "full" he does not desire to eat of the delicacies that Satan offers. In this sense, she becomes his closest friend and companion, and is ministering daily in the essentials of raising a family.
Her entire duty is toward her husband first, while his is toward serving the Lord first; a woman can turn a man's head from the things of the Lord faster than anything else--or she can encourage him forward easier than anything else, it matters what her goal is.

Some examples? Adam in taking of the forbidden fruit;
Samson in revealing where his strength lies, and breaking his covenant with the Lord;
David with Bath-sheba ;
Solomon with his many foreign wives, even after being warned by Giod Himself that they woulkd turn his head away from Him.

Luxury and ease in Eden wasn't enough to sustain Adam;
Great strength did not keep Samson from sin;
NOBility was not sufficient for David;
Solomons wisdom did not keep him serving the Lord;

All these fell to the wiles of a woman, and it may have been avoided if they had a virtuous woman at their side-- a real help that was meet for them.

Perhaps this is why we hear of marriages "made in Heaven".

I agree that the help a wife should give her husband is largely spiritual, but there are instances, even in regular day to day living, that she is to be of help in a physical way as well. If something can be accurately said in reference to Christ and his church, then, generally speaking, that same thing can be said of the husband and wife and their relationship.

[speerjp1]

"Helpmeet" always bugged me...haha...YES its a "help" that is "sufficient" for Adam! :-)

I find it interesting that in the New Testament the man is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church, while the women are told to learn from the older women how to love their husband and children. Also the man is commanded to train their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Then there's "submitting yourselves one towards another". From these verses I find that although the man is the head of the household, he is commanded to lead with LOVE his weaker vessel. And that they are pulling together.."heirs together"....they balance each other out, they go through life together.

I'm all for a woman being submissive and OBedient but too many churches teach some kind of "doormat" mentality where the woman is like the servant and the husband is the Lord...this kind of teaching makes it hard for the husband to love and sacrifice like "Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it". If husbands would play an active part in raising their kids and loving their wives, the wives would, in most cases, gladly love her husband and children and pull her proper weight in the family.

Christ washed the disciples' feet....He prayed for the apostles (and future church)....he was always there to help them if they were weak...He served them very much....but of course He also lovingly rebuked them when necessary. I think if more husbands would follow Christ's example, more wives would follow as well.

I guess at one time I was on a message board with alot of Hyles type people (no offense if anyone here is from a Hyles church because I realize not all are this way) and the women were putting ALL responsibility on a marriage on the women..."Oh you are not submissive enough"...."Oh you aren't treating your husband right"..."If you would do this and this, your marriage would be fixed"....etc. This is putting alot of responsibility on a woman, and pressure, that even God does not! God says being a good wife is something that should be learned from the older women...it doesn't come naturally. And God says the husband is to lead the home with sacrifice and love.

I hope my post makes sense...I'm not advocating an equality...but I am saying that too many marriages have the wrong idea of what God REALLY wants from the marriage.

The NT commands for the home are in perfect harmony with the commands found in the OT. The first relationship a husband and wife have is one of being brother and sister in Christ and of being joint heirs with Him and of being fellow laborers for the Lord. In addition to that relationship, we also have the responsibility as husband and wife to exemplify the relationship between Christ and the church and we should strive to have homes as different from the world's idea of the "home" as much as we strive to be separated personally.

It is all about moderation and each individual taking personal responsibility for the knowledge of what each will stand to give account for at the Judgement Seat of Christ. Laxness on the part of the husband, though it is a poor example of Christ, is no excuse for usurpation on the part of the wife, any more than it would ever be the place of the church to operate outside of her Groom. By the same token, for a man to feel that his laxness is due in any part to the improper act or lack of help from his wife, he would certainly exemplify a weak Christ, which is the last impression the dying lost need of our Great Savior.

In other words, the reaching of those lost should be our concern to the degree that both spouses stop fighting and seeking their own will and choose to work together (both practically and, especially, typically) to reach the lost as a family, once more, just as Christ and his church.

Easier said than done, I know, but with both spouses reliance found in God, that scriptural ideal begins to exit the realm of the impossible and begins to become apparent to both the family and the lost onlookers.

[JerryNumbers]

I know you are teasing but see what I mean I am not able to do such things, I thought plumbers did more than just pipes. Whatever you call the person to install a new roof. Then of course there is the ceiling in the lounge room who do I call to quote on that?

Johnathon this is what I mean about being a helpmeet. How are we meant to do that when we are not able to do it without being taken advantage of or laughed at.

I could deals with cows, pigs etc. Did you know if you want into a pig shed and stand at the first pen for a few minutes when you walk up the line they wont all scatter and squeal. If you walk straight in and go stomping up the isle you'll cause a huge raucous. Some how they let the other pigs know you're coming and they don't react as badly.

blossom, I must say, I do know some men who would not know who to call to work on their roof.

For instants, the man who carried his car to the body shop and told them his engine needed a tune up, it was not running good.

[irishman]

Kitagirl wrote "I guess at one time I was on a message board with alot of Hyles type people (no offense if anyone here is from a Hyles church because I realize not all are this way) and the women were putting ALL responsibility on a marriage on the women..."Oh you are not submissive enough"...."Oh you aren't treating your husband right"..."If you would do this and this, your marriage would be fixed"....etc. This is putting alot of responsibility on a woman, and pressure, that even God does not! God says being a good wife is something that should be learned from the older women...it doesn't come naturally. And God says the husband is to lead the home with sacrifice and love."



Kitagirl, all three of my children have graduated from Hyles-Anderson College, and none of them are "doormats". I raised the the two girls to depend upon a man for things like changing tires, pumping gas, fixing the car, etc. and was surprised to discover that I was criticized for wanting them to be too feminine (my wording). Even some of the staff, men known all over the country, did not understand that the daughter is under the fathers authority/protection until she is married. I guarantee you that the divorce rate fro HAC graduates is much less than many other colleges; less scandals, and less prOBlems with infidelity because they practice the old fashioned role playing of mans chores and women's chores, dress, etc.

I sincerely believe that the man is the head of the home, spiritually speaking as well as physically. This does not make a woman a doormat, but it puts her in the place where God intended for her to be. If this is offensive perhaps the woman has too much pride to humble herself to God's plan, not mans. One preacher has said it well when he said "The man is the head of the home, and the woman is the heart of it" No body can function without a head and a heart, so both are essential, but different. My only intention here is to help people get back into the roles they were intended fro, and as one has said, the laziness or indifference of one party does not justify the disOBedience of the other. We all stand alone bfore Christ.

[Anon]

Irishman I didn't want to offend anyone from Hyles, there are alot of good people there. But on the other hand I've met alot of people who went WAY too far on things...and that is simply what I was saying.

If you read my post again you'll see I do believe in the man is the leader of the home.

[JerryNumbers]

Kitagirl wrote "I guess at one time I was on a message board with alot of Hyles type people (no offense if anyone here is from a Hyles church because I realize not all are this way) and the women were putting ALL responsibility on a marriage on the women..."Oh you are not submissive enough"...."Oh you aren't treating your husband right"..."If you would do this and this, your marriage would be fixed"....etc. This is putting alot of responsibility on a woman, and pressure, that even God does not! God says being a good wife is something that should be learned from the older women...it doesn't come naturally. And God says the husband is to lead the home with sacrifice and love."



Kitagirl, all three of my children have graduated from Hyles-Anderson College, and none of them are "doormats". I raised the the two girls to depend upon a man for things like changing tires, pumping gas, fixing the car, etc. and was surprised to discover that I was criticized for wanting them to be too feminine (my wording). Even some of the staff, men known all over the country, did not understand that the daughter is under the fathers authority/protection until she is married. I guarantee you that the divorce rate fro HAC graduates is much less than many other colleges; less scandals, and less prOBlems with infidelity because they practice the old fashioned role playing of mans chores and women's chores, dress, etc.

I sincerely believe that the man is the head of the home, spiritually speaking as well as physically. This does not make a woman a doormat, but it puts her in the place where God intended for her to be. If this is offensive perhaps the woman has too much pride to humble herself to God's plan, not mans. One preacher has said it well when he said "The man is the head of the home, and the woman is the heart of it" No body can function without a head and a heart, so both are essential, but different. My only intention here is to help people get back into the roles they were intended fro, and as one has said, the laziness or indifference of one party does not justify the disOBedience of the other. We all stand alone bfore Christ.

Well said Irishman. Sad to say we have many men as well as women who do not like the role God gave them and will not yield to God's way. The liberation movement of the world has ruined many, and they let it lead them instead of God. I might add, we know who is leading the world don't we?

Of course it did not start with the modern liberation movement, it started out in the garden.

[blossom]

I took no offense to the teasing. I have a good sense of humour. Admittedly the Aussie / American humour does differ somewhat. I'm just a little frustrated. I want to be the helpmeet but in situations such as these I find it frustrating. I will take your advice and speak to my Pastor. He will help in a heartbeat but he is so busy I don't like to burden his family with more to do.

[irishman]

Irishman I didn't want to offend anyone from Hyles, there are alot of good people there. But on the other hand I've met alot of people who went WAY too far on things...and that is simply what I was saying.

If you read my post again you'll see I do believe in the man is the leader of the home.

I am sorry if it appeared that I was offended, I was not. It is just that there are many extremists in every college, and a faction that really don't seem to want to be there. I had a rude awakening when I sent my girls there; I knew Dr, Hyles' heart, and wanted them under his influence, but the entire staff does not have the same heart for young people that he had. When they first went there, (just as an example) many of the students asked them if they were pk's because of their standards and testimony; I was surprised and shocked that it was not necessarily the "norm" for a Bible college such as that is; I guess I was somewhat naive as well as disappointed.

Thank you nonetheless for being concerned about offending me (or any one for that matter), it shows that you have character.

[JerryNumbers]

I took no offense to the teasing. I have a good sense of humour. Admittedly the Aussie / American humour does differ somewhat. I'm just a little frustrated. I want to be the helpmeet but in situations such as these I find it frustrating. I will take your advice and speak to my Pastor. He will help in a heartbeat but he is so busy I don't like to burden his family with more to do.

My humor can sometimes be a bit dry. I understand your position and your frustration. As a pastor, I try to keep reminding my self, and others, we are all 'works in progress.' We all have areas in our life which needs improvement, and if we will work on those areas while making progress, it will also help those around us. More especially with the husband, wife, and children.

We just need to remember its worthwhile, for one day we will all be in heaven together with our Savior and our Father. What a day that will be.

Like Paul, lets try and keep up the good fight.

12 Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses.
1 Tim 6:12 (KJV)

[CauliflowerClown]

I just want to ask some things about JOB's wife. I just got throught reading JOB too. Yes she was wrong to tell JOB to curse God and die but was it just JOB that lost 10 children? Or did JOB's wife also losed them? Wasn't she the one who carried them, delivered them, and nurse them? When they all died wasn't she grieving too? or just JOB? The JOB get sick too and gets company. So wasn't it her duty to also play hostess to JOB's "friends" and nursemate to JOB while also in same grief? When God came in he corrected JOB and Eiphaz, Bildad, and Zophar but not Elihu or JOB's wife. In the end JOB's wife carried 10 more babies and delivered 10 more babies and nursed 10 more babies. Did those 10 babies replace the first 10 babies they lost?
I give JOB's wife the benefit of the doubt here. The one time she is spoke of is in her greatest time of grief. She failed. I lost one child and only one and i failed too. i hated God for over 12 years for taking my beautiful, healthy daughter away from me. I had 8 years of infertility before I could even get pregnant again. I had two more beautiful daughters and then a son. I love them too but not a one of them replaced the one I lost. I can thank God now that I have a daughter in Heaven but for over 12 years after her death I couldn't. Losing a child hurts more than any pain I can think of. JOB's wife was hurting just as much as JOB but she had duties to do on top of her grief and JOB didn't his added grief came from his "friends".

[irishman]

I just want to ask some things about JOB's wife. I just got throught reading JOB too. Yes she was wrong to tell JOB to curse God and die but was it just JOB that lost 10 children? Or did JOB's wife also losed them? Wasn't she the one who carried them, delivered them, and nurse them? When they all died wasn't she grieving too? or just JOB? The JOB get sick too and gets company. So wasn't it her duty to also play hostess to JOB's "friends" and nursemate to JOB while also in same grief? When God came in he corrected JOB and Eiphaz, Bildad, and Zophar but not Elihu or JOB's wife. In the end JOB's wife carried 10 more babies and delivered 10 more babies and nursed 10 more babies. Did those 10 babies replace the first 10 babies they lost?
I give JOB's wife the benefit of the doubt here. The one time she is spoke of is in her greatest time of grief. She failed. I lost one child and only one and i failed too. i hated God for over 12 years for taking my beautiful, healthy daughter away from me. I had 8 years of infertility before I could even get pregnant again. I had two more beautiful daughters and then a son. I love them too but not a one of them replaced the one I lost. I can thank God now that I have a daughter in Heaven but for over 12 years after her death I couldn't. Losing a child hurts more than any pain I can think of. JOB's wife was hurting just as much as JOB but she had duties to do on top of her grief and JOB didn't his added grief came from his "friends".

Cauliflower
Point well made. We too often see the one side and fail to see the other side of a matter, but let me say that God lost a Son too, and He knows what it feels like! He rather gafve a Son so that us skimpy-know-nothing humans could curse Him to His face, and hate him for "mistreating" us, but He did it anyway. Yes, It was different with Him you might say, but all the same, He is a Father too! I am sorry to hear about your daughter, but heaven will be that much greater for you--a happy reunion with the blood of your blood.

Just for the record, we lost a child too, before it was delivered. I too look forward to seeing him or her ojn those golden shores, and introducing myself to him or her! It's a tragic time in anyone's life, to lose a child, at any stage og pregnancy or birth, but we have a great God that has made a way for those little souls to be with him forever while we can only imagine the glory of heaven. In a way, I know my child is better off, although I never have got to meet him (i just know it was a boy!)

God bless you for the realization that God knows best, and for getting back "in there" and serving Him.

[speerjp1]

I just want to ask some things about JOB's wife. I just got throught reading JOB too. Yes she was wrong to tell JOB to curse God and die but was it just JOB that lost 10 children? Or did JOB's wife also losed them? Wasn't she the one who carried them, delivered them, and nurse them? When they all died wasn't she grieving too? or just JOB? The JOB get sick too and gets company. So wasn't it her duty to also play hostess to JOB's "friends" and nursemate to JOB while also in same grief? When God came in he corrected JOB and Eiphaz, Bildad, and Zophar but not Elihu or JOB's wife. In the end JOB's wife carried 10 more babies and delivered 10 more babies and nursed 10 more babies. Did those 10 babies replace the first 10 babies they lost?
I give JOB's wife the benefit of the doubt here. The one time she is spoke of is in her greatest time of grief. She failed. I lost one child and only one and i failed too. i hated God for over 12 years for taking my beautiful, healthy daughter away from me. I had 8 years of infertility before I could even get pregnant again. I had two more beautiful daughters and then a son. I love them too but not a one of them replaced the one I lost. I can thank God now that I have a daughter in Heaven but for over 12 years after her death I couldn't. Losing a child hurts more than any pain I can think of. JOB's wife was hurting just as much as JOB but she had duties to do on top of her grief and JOB didn't his added grief came from his "friends".

JOB's wife spoke out of despair when she advised him to curse God and die. JOB still had faith in God and trusted the he knew what was best. It seems that, once JOB reminded her of the foolishness of her proposed solution, she realized her folly and corrected herself. It is important that we do not treat Bible characters more harshly than God treated them. Some, like JOB's wife, Peter, and Sarah, are treated horribly from pulpits everywhere, while God was much more forgiving and far less condemning.

I think one of the most wonderful points of the story of JOB is the last chapter where he regains everything Satan was allowed to take from him. Not only does he regain what was lost, but the Lord graciously blessed him with double of everything he had originally possessed, even children. God gave JOB twice as many each of all his livestock. The doctrine found in those last two verses of the book of JOB is profound and exciting. JOB's 10 children for whom he sacrificed in the beginning were apparently all believers in God and awaiting JOB in the presence of their God. God gave JOB 10 more children, so that the total number of children JOB had in the end was 20, which is double what he started with!

The implications of that passage of scripture should be an encouragement to all who have lost children in this life.