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Thinking about adopting


ptwild

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ptwild, I say this in the kindest possible way, based upon your statement, "I'm not really worried about the costs, I'd just like to have an idea of what they are. I have more than enough to hire a nanny and my parents are not so far away that they couldn't help out. I don't necessarily think that infants need a lot of contact with their parents, they just need a lot of love.

I never intend to marry, but I definitely want to be a father. I have checked into hiring a surrogate, but they are very expensive and there is a lot of legal formalities to go through as well."

I believe you would do better helping to support a specific family who already have children and are living in poverty or perhaps help several families in your local church.


I appreciate and respect your comment, but supporting a por family is not the same as having a child of my own. I want to continue my line, thus I need a son of my own.
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Personally, I don't care if it is better for me or him, I care whether it is better for the child or not.


Well, considering that the infant currently lives in an overcrowded orphanage that is short on supplies and volunteers, I believe almost anything would be better than his current situation.

I can provide the child with all of its material needs, plus offer it a stable and loving Christian home. I really don't know what else he could possibly need.
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How could someone never get married? :eek:wink


Trust me, i've thought about it. I have a long term girlfriend and believe you me, she asks the same question. But I've decided that I'm a bachelor. It's just part of who I am. I need to be able to come and go as I want (both for professional and personal reasons) and I just don't want the type of commitment that comes with marriage. If I want to buy a new car, I don't want to have to even consider what someone else might want. If I want to move to Bali for a year, I want to be able to pack my bags and leave without ever consulting another soul. The only benefit of marriage that I can see (for me, I know that others have different ideas and I think that is perfectly fine) is having a few sons, but I've found myself in a situation where I can make that happen without the burden of a wife.
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Trust me, i've thought about it. I have a long term girlfriend and believe you me, she asks the same question. But I've decided that I'm a bachelor. It's just part of who I am. I need to be able to come and go as I want (both for professional and personal reasons) and I just don't want the type of commitment that comes with marriage. If I want to buy a new car, I don't want to have to even consider what someone else might want. If I want to move to Bali for a year, I want to be able to pack my bags and leave without ever consulting another soul. The only benefit of marriage that I can see (for me, I know that others have different ideas and I think that is perfectly fine) is having a few sons, but I've found myself in a situation where I can make that happen without the burden of a wife.


I'm curious, in light of what you have said above, is it your understanding that you will not have to consider what your adopted child might want as you make these life choices? Or, is it your impression you will be free to impose anything you choose upon the little tyke without considering or consulting he/she.
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I'm curious, in light of what you have said above, is it your understanding that you will not have to consider what your adopted child might want as you make these life choices? Or, is it your impression you will be free to impose anything you choose upon the little tyke without considering or consulting he/she.


That's a broad question in light of what I said above. As far as me getting married, no I would not consider what the child wants. As far as where we live and when, same answer. Of course, once he finishes grade school, he will board, so it really won't matter where I live.
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Then you really are not talking about being a father to the child. The adoption would be in order to be a financial custodian to insure you have someone to inherit your name and money?


Maybe in your opinion. I would be more than his "financial custodian." I would be his father. If his opinion or desires are relevant on a certain issue, they will be considered. But, as far as the things discussed in the post you were addressing, I just don't think his wants or desires are relevant.
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Trust me, i've thought about it. I have a long term girlfriend and believe you me, she asks the same question. But I've decided that I'm a bachelor. It's just part of who I am. I need to be able to come and go as I want (both for professional and personal reasons) and I just don't want the type of commitment that comes with marriage. If I want to buy a new car, I don't want to have to even consider what someone else might want. If I want to move to Bali for a year, I want to be able to pack my bags and leave without ever consulting another soul. The only benefit of marriage that I can see (for me, I know that others have different ideas and I think that is perfectly fine) is having a few sons, but I've found myself in a situation where I can make that happen without the burden of a wife.


If you adopt children they will or should tie you down just as much as a wife would. If they don't they prOBably are not getting the level of attention and priority they need. A child is not just someone to "continue your line" and one should carefully consider ones motives before adopting a child. Personally, I don't think the intentional circuMVention of Gods plan for a family is a good idea. God designed a family to begin with a man and a woman in marriage. If marriage isn't something your comfortable with because it would take to much commitment and personal sacrifice thats fine, but if your uncomfortable with virtually unlimited commitment and self sacrifice for the sake of someone else your not ready for children either. PrOBably not what you want to hear but something you should consider carefully anyway.
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If you adopt children they will or should tie you down just as much as a wife would. If they don't they prOBably are not getting the level of attention and priority they need. A child is not just someone to "continue your line" and one should carefully consider ones motives before adopting a child. Personally, I don't think the intentional circuMVention of Gods plan for a family is a good idea. God designed a family to begin with a man and a woman in marriage. If marriage isn't something your comfortable with because it would take to much commitment and personal sacrifice thats fine, but if your uncomfortable with virtually unlimited commitment and self sacrifice for the sake of someone else your not ready for children either. PrOBably not what you want to hear but something you should consider carefully anyway.


Thanks for the input but I just don't see how a child could "tie me down" like a wife could. And please, "intentional circuMVention of God's plan for a family?" I didn't orphan the child. He's there alone right now. No parents, no individuality. He has no family and I have no family (immediate family that is). I have a lot to offer as a father and I think that is a big waste if I don't use it.
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Thanks for the input but I just don't see how a child could "tie me down" like a wife could. And please, "intentional circuMVention of God's plan for a family?" I didn't orphan the child. He's there alone right now. No parents, no individuality. He has no family and I have no family (immediate family that is). I have a lot to offer as a father and I think that is a big waste if I don't use it.


I think your mistaken. What I see from your posts is someone coming at child adoption from a almost completely selfish perspective. I tell you this in love but you need a major attitude shift(Proverbs 27:6). If I was running that orphanage I could not in good conscience allow you to adopt a child at this time. Money is not the number one thing a child needs, they need unconditional love and unconditional commitment. They certainly don't need someone with a primary goal of continuing their own line and a "I am doing you a huge favor" attitude.

This isn't to give you a hard time, I am trying to keep you from messing up your own life and causing emotional damage to a child when you discover being a good father is absolutely nothing like what your posts show you imagine it to be.
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I think your mistaken. What I see from your posts is someone coming at child adoption from a almost completely selfish perspective. I tell you this in love but you need a major attitude shift(Proverbs 27:6). If I was running that orphanage I could not in good conscience allow you to adopt a child at this time. Money is not the number one thing a child needs, they need unconditional love and unconditional commitment. They certainly don't need someone with a primary goal of continuing their own line and a "I am doing you a huge favor" attitude.

This isn't to give you a hard time, I am trying to keep you from messing up your own life and causing emotional damage to a child when you discover being a good father is absolutely nothing like what your posts show you imagine it to be.


And that is exactly what he'll have. I really don't see how you could reasonably conclude otherwise based on what little you know about me.
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I'm rather floored, and that takes a lot. As a father, I agree with all those who say you are sounding selfish. A child does not tie you down as much as a wife does, a child ties you down a heck of a lot more then a wife. A wife is a teammate, a child is a dependent. You cannot be a good father and go run off to Bali for a year while your child is being raised by a boarding school.

I am unsure how I feel about a single dad and the "circuMVention of God's Plan" comment. So lets assume that I think that is just fine, I would not be for it for someone with your attitude as displayed here.

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