Jump to content
  • Welcome to Online Baptist

    Free to join.

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Kayla

Your Dating/Courting Philosophy

Recommended Posts

Can I say something without being completely out of line here, this is something that has been on my heart for a while. I am not pointing fingers to anyone on here. But married people make me more depressed than anyone else, they talk about marriage to the fact of talking like singleness was some type of bondage they endured until God allowed them to be married, and so they have this attitude that you need to hurry up and get married so you can release yourself from the bonds of singleness. I've never heard anyone say they enjoyed being single before they got married.

Sometimes it makes me feel abnormal because I don't feel particularally trapped in singleness, nor do I feel like it is a bondage. I do want to get married some day but I don't feel like it has to be tomorrow. Why mess up the plan for my life that God has right now? Most of my single friends feel so pressured to get married they can't focus on serving God because everyone in their church is pressuring them to get married. It hurts that people make us feel inadequate because we do not have a mate. Ok, so I admit I feel pressured too, but I don't feel like people should be pressuring me. Some of the ladies in my church make it a point to tell me several times a month that I am prOBably going to miss my chance when God sends it along if I don't jump on it.

Sorry that was somewhat of a rant. I just think we should be more careful with our words as Christians.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No one should hurry any of you. Wait patiently and God will give you the right husband for you.

Although if you want to get marry and have a family, You will have to be aware that your biological clock is ticking. And all the good guys will be taken, and you'll more likely be stuck with divorced guys once you hit in your 30's and 40's. My brother married in his mid-thirties, and he married someone who is divorced with two kids. She is a wonderful person and so are her children so I don't have a prOBlem with it. just that it is what you will have to deal with. Other than that, The right one will come along no matter what.

If you don't care either way, then don't worry about it. There are lots of single people who are happy the way they are.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No one should hurry any of you. Wait patiently and God will give you the right husband for you.

Although you want to get marry and have a family, You will have to be aware that your biological clock is ticking. And all the good guys will be taken, and you'll more likely be stuck with divorced guys once you hit in your 30's and 40's. My brother married in his mid-thirties, and he married someone who is divorced with two kids. She is a wonderful person and so are her children so I don't have a prOBlem with it. just that it is what you will have to deal with.


I think the first two sentences would have been a good place to stop. :lol:

I think it is normal for married adults to try and put a little pressure on those that aren't because they are glad to be married themselves and so think everyone else should hurry up and get married too. :reaction:



Actually the normal harassment single people get doesn't really bother me all that much, I just wanted to use that smiley. :wink

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And a great smiley that is, Seth! :lol: I really like that one.

I agree that there is a lot of pressure sometimes exerted on single people to marry. I try not to do that, because I was 26 before I married - and I was happy being single and teaching school before that (although I did want a hubby). My brother is 51 and has never married - and never intends to (when he was younger he wanted to, but now he's so set in his ways, he doesn't think it'd be a good idea...of course, God could always change that. :coverlaugh:). My sister has been married twice, and other than her kids, would have been better off staying single!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I only said it because many of my single family told me they wanted to marry and have kids, but they are in their 30's now. Still not married or have kids. They are getting quite frustrated because their biological clock is running out ( They are coming up to me feeling a little depressed about it because they hoped for a family) and everyone is taken but they have accepted they don't want to get marry and have kids after all.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pregnancy-after-35/PR00168

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When we got married I was 18 and my wife 19. We were both in the military. In some respects we were too young and immature; in other respects it has been a tremendous journey together. We are now over 30 years married and still young enough to enjoy our grandchildren. I actually pity those who wait until they are 40 or 45 to have their children. They must be exhausted all the time, I know I am when the grands are over for just 3 or 4 hours.........lol

In the end, there is no such thing as what is right for me being the standard as what is right for other people in the matter of married vs. single. God is Lord to each of his children and they each must answer to Him. When asked by another, it would be appropriate to share with them models set forth in the Scripture for a blessed home, but in the end; I will never be called upon by the Lord to answer for why someone else stayed single or got married, etc.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Can I say something without being completely out of line here, this is something that has been on my heart for a while. I am not pointing fingers to anyone on here. But married people make me more depressed than anyone else, they talk about marriage to the fact of talking like singleness was some type of bondage they endured until God allowed them to be married, and so they have this attitude that you need to hurry up and get married so you can release yourself from the bonds of singleness. I've never heard anyone say they enjoyed being single before they got married.

Sometimes it makes me feel abnormal because I don't feel particularally trapped in singleness, nor do I feel like it is a bondage. I do want to get married some day but I don't feel like it has to be tomorrow. Why mess up the plan for my life that God has right now? Most of my single friends feel so pressured to get married they can't focus on serving God because everyone in their church is pressuring them to get married. It hurts that people make us feel inadequate because we do not have a mate. Ok, so I admit I feel pressured too, but I don't feel like people should be pressuring me. Some of the ladies in my church make it a point to tell me several times a month that I am prOBably going to miss my chance when God sends it along if I don't jump on it.

Sorry that was somewhat of a rant. I just think we should be more careful with our words as Christians.


OK, I thought about it, if your were my daughter I would not let you date till your 31. Them only a double date with me and your mother. No matter how hard you begged me to change my mind, I would say NO!

Plus that date would only be allowed once per week, and it would be on Sunday morning going to church services, them shortly after we all had dinner I would make him leave our house. And if he ever asked to marry you I would tell him to ask again when you turned 41.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites



OK, I thought about it, if your were my daughter I would not let you date till your 31. Them only a double date with me and your mother. No matter how hard you begged me to change my mind, I would say NO!

Plus that date would only be allowed once per week, and it would be on Sunday morning going to church services, them shortly after we all had dinner I would make him leave our house. And if he ever asked to marry you I would tell him to ask again when you turned 41.

Then I would be too old to have children ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites



I think the first two sentences would have been a good place to stop. :lol:

I think it is normal for married adults to try and put a little pressure on those that aren't because they are glad to be married themselves and so think everyone else should hurry up and get married too. :reaction:



Actually the normal harassment single people get doesn't really bother me all that much, I just wanted to use that smiley. :wink

I like that smiliey too, it actually doesn't bother me that much I mean I do feel some hurt. I just hate that my friends feel so pressured they date people who aren't really the best just because they are pressured.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

They shouldn't just date anyone. They should wait til God provide them a husband.

But my cousin and my sister, they are so picky with guys. He isn't cute enough. He doesn't have a good career. etc. But oh well, I guess if they were truly in love, they wouldn't see any flaw in a guy. Sometimes I wonder if Mr. Right will ever come along?

But they don't plan to marry anyhow because they are very worldly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am 'picky' but for godly characteristics, I refuse to marry someone that isn't involved in work at church. Soul winning, working a bus route, or teaching Sunday School. Whatever the Lord has laid on his heart, but I don't want a pew warmer. I want someone who loves the Lord and serves him. I want someone who can be himself, the person not created not a carbon copy of his favorite preacher.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like your ideal type of husband. You are on the right track :) But some people can be so picky (I'm talking about looks and such) that i wonder if christian shouldn't be doing that. I was picky. I told myself I was going to marry a redhaired husband. My first ex-bf was redhaired, but he wasn't a christian. And still isn't today as we are still somewhat neutral friends today. He is a buddist. Then I decided I shouldn't even worry about looks or career. I should just go with flow. So I dated a blond haired guy, and he turned out to be mean-tempered and I'm glad he is gone. Because I didn't care about looks anymore, I finally met my wonderful husband, and he happened to be redhaired LOL funny how things work out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please, don't lower your standards.

I know its popular for young people to date anyone and or everyone just to have something to do or walk with society.

I was kidding in my last post, but at the same time letting you know in a way about way don't let anyone pressure you.

I know a man who had never married them shortly after he passed the age of 62 met a woman just a bit younger than he who had never been married and they both fell heads over heels in love with one another.

In the past he had stated, "I've just never met the right one, if I ever find her I will marry her."

That has been a few years back, the last I heard they were still in love enjoying one another.

Prayers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh I won't be lower my standards for anyone, I want him to be the spiritual leader of our family if I ever get married. How can he be the spiritual leader if I have to drag him out of bed to go to church every Sunday morning?? No way that is happening.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to think I wanted to marry a redhead for a while, but then my sister married my Brother-in-law and he has a horrible temper. And I decided that I wanted to marry someone with dark hair like my dad instead.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kayla, I gotta tell you that anyone can have a quick temper! :lol: It's actually not true that redheads get angry quicker. Most of the people I've known throughout my life who have hot and fast tempers were not redheads.

My stepdad had sandy colored hair and light blue eyes. And so does my hubby. :icon_mrgreen: More than that, his personality is much like my dad's - as is his love for the Lord. God gave me a good man. :thumb:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know some really sweet redheaded men too, now that I think about it. My dad has an excellent temperament. My dad doesn't get angry that often, usually he is calm when solving a situation. Later in life he now has CHF(Congestive Heart PrOBlems) it makes him a little more grouchy. But he has lots of pain and such. I love him to death, I just wish he would be more faithful to the Lord. He is kind of one of those Sunday-Monday Christians. All that said, he really is a great man, he works hard, I can't say that I ever felt in want of anything that I truly needed. I pray everyday that God would turn my parents' hearts toward him and give them a new vision to serve him. I don't think that God is unable to do that in time :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Actually I thought about sharing this somewhere, my preacher and I were talking before service last night. One of our missionaries, Brother Elliott's daughter has cancer, an extremely rare cancer that they have 10 people recorded as having. My preacher and I were talking about how that so many Christians put God in a box and strap limitations on the power of God. If God wants to heal little Esther there would nothing a doctor could even do to prevent it if God wanted it to happen. Sorry, I just thought it was a good discussion, because I know I am guilty of that myself at times. My favorite story is Luke 1 where Mary and Elisabeth are talking together and Luke pauses in the middle of the narrative and boldly states my favorite verse, Luke 1:37 "For with God nothing shall be impossible" It's only 7 words but, it is powerful.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Actually I thought about sharing this somewhere, my preacher and I were talking before service last night. One of our missionaries, Brother Elliott's daughter has cancer, an extremely rare cancer that they have 10 people recorded as having. My preacher and I were talking about how that so many Christians put God in a box and strap limitations on the power of God. If God wants to heal little Esther there would nothing a doctor could even do to prevent it if God wanted it to happen. Sorry, I just thought it was a good discussion, because I know I am guilty of that myself at times. My favorite story is Luke 1 where Mary and Elisabeth are talking together and Luke pauses in the middle of the narrative and boldly states my favorite verse, Luke 1:37 "For with God nothing shall be impossible" It's only 7 words but, it is powerful.

:thumb:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to think I wanted to marry a redhead for a while, but then my sister married my Brother-in-law and he has a horrible temper. And I decided that I wanted to marry someone with dark hair like my dad instead.


My husband doesn't have a horrible temper. I think it's the society that stereotype them l that made people jump into that conclusion. It's kinda sad that the first thing people do when someone wronged them is focus on their skin, hair, disability... anything that make them appear different from themselves. BUT if they are in the same race/hair/etc group (even in the group in family), they would not stereotype.

Actually I know alot of dark hair who have horrible temper. My mother's father was one of them, and he was abusive.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites



My husband doesn't have a horrible temper. I think it's the society that stereotype them l that made people jump into that conclusion. It's kinda sad that the first thing people do when someone wronged them is focus on their skin, hair, disability... anything that make them appear different from themselves. BUT if they are in the same race/hair/etc group (even in the group in family), they would not stereotype.

Actually I know alot of dark hair who have horrible temper. My mother's father was one of them, and he was abusive.

Didn't mean to offend, that was kind of a TIC(Tongue in Cheek) statement. I do apologize if I offended you, I don't think all men with red hair have bad tempers. I do know some, but I also know some men with blond and black hair that have horrible tempers.

All that said, when my sister got married it really made me start to think about what I really wanted in a man outside of physical characteristics. My brother-in-law isn't saved(at least not that I know of) and I know that I want a man after God's heart. I love my brother-in-law and I want him to have a relationship with the Lord so badly. Pray for him if you think about it, he is shipping in March to Afghanistan, I'm praying for the next couple months for the tenderness of his heart.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

that's ok, just that my aunt told me the same thing. She doesn't like any redhead, but my husband may have changed her mind. I hope so.

Plus, my husband's father actually told my mother in law that he wouldn't hire any redhead, and she thought "hey, your son is redhead, how could you say such thing?" I was shocked to hear that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Does anyone think that telling a young lady that you care for her and want to date her and then you brake up, does anyone think that he defiled the young lady?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   0 Members, 0 Anonymous, 24 Guests (See full list)

    There are no registered users currently online

Article Categories

About Us

Since 2001, Online Baptist has been an Independent Baptist website, and we exclusively use the King James Version of the Bible. We pride ourselves on a community that uplifts the Lord.

Contact Us

You can contact us using the following link. Contact Us or for questions regarding this website please contact @pastormatt or email James Foley at jfoley@sisqtel.net

Android App

Online Baptist has a custom App for all android users. You can download it from the Google Play store or click the following icon.

×
×
  • Create New...