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Kayla

Your Dating/Courting Philosophy

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After much deliberation, I have decided to place this thread here. Because last time this was discussed on this forum, it was out in the general pop and it got a little scary. I would like to get some true Biblical answers or how you draw conclusions in your own life on this subject. I am trying to form a dating/courting philosophy in my own life, I want to do so from scripture.

Yes, I have read Stay in the Castle and so many married people say read Stay in the Castle. Well Stay in the Castle is a nice story but it didn't really teach me anything about having a proper Biblical view on dating. Basically I got from Stay in the Castle, is don't marry the first bozo that comes along. (No offense to anyone who really loves that story, I just didn't get much from it personally)And yes I have seen a segment from S.M. Davis' materials (not all of it)

Now I know that the customs of the Bible were very different from today. I know that most of the dating(marriage/engagement/whatever title you want to place on it) customs in the Bible were built on Jewish society, and I am in fact not a Jew.

I'm guess what I am asking is if you have a son/and or daughter or you personally. What is your procedure for the whole ordeal? What rules and regulations do you have? What is allowed and what isn't allowed? My dad doesn't care how I go about it, but personally I would like to set some standards and procedures in my life. Having been hurt before I want to make the process to the glory of the Lord.

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I think alot depends on your parents and what they believe. God doesn't really set down "rules"...it depends alot on the culture of the country. The rules God sets down is "It is good for a man not to touch a woman" and "abstain from all appearance of evil". We also know we cannot trust our flesh. Therefore it is good to be wise and careful and not make provision for lust, and to keep your relationship proper and above board.

Otherwise...the idea of courting or dating or whatever name you want to give it....should mostly be left up to your parents and if they don't care, then just make sure you have a good pastor or other mentor you can trust their advice when a guy comes to ask you out. And of course most of all, follow the Lord's leading.

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Thanks for the responses so far. I wanted to hear what others may have in place for their children or themselves. Since my dad doesn't care I want to create my own philosophy on the whole thing.

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Kayla, what many people don't want to admit is that people of the opposite gender are attracted to each other - and this means sexually as well as in other ways. And while getting to know each other, often infatuation can overcome good sense. You are wise to want to build a structure for yourself when it comes to dating.

One of the safest guidelines to follow is never be alone with your date. That would mean in a car or a house. Chaperoned dating seems very archaic to many, because they don't want to admit that they are human and can slip! I would highly recommend that, when you go somewhere with a young man, you go with someone accompanying you. Not a double date - either a single young lady (at least old enough to stay awake and be a true chaperone :lol:) or a married couple.

Chaperoned dating doesn't mean that you would have someone hovering all the time. If you went to a restaurant, your chaperones could sit at a different table, which would give you and your date time to converse alone.

I would recommend no touching while dating as well. Some people (and I believe Davis is one) say that it's okay to kiss once engaged. I can see where they are coming from with this - but I also know that once engaged, hormones are still alive and kicking and it could be hard to stop...

Since your dad doesn't care, I agree with Kita - talk to your pastor and his wife. And most of all, be in prayer. God has someone special for you, in His time.

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Kayla, what many people don't want to admit is that people of the opposite gender are attracted to each other - and this means sexually as well as in other ways. And while getting to know each other, often infatuation can overcome good sense. You are wise to want to build a structure for yourself when it comes to dating.

One of the safest guidelines to follow is never be alone with your date. That would mean in a car or a house. Chaperoned dating seems very archaic to many, because they don't want to admit that they are human and can slip! I would highly recommend that, when you go somewhere with a young man, you go with someone accompanying you. Not a double date - either a single young lady (at least old enough to stay awake and be a true chaperone :lol:) or a married couple.

Chaperoned dating doesn't mean that you would have someone hovering all the time. If you went to a restaurant, your chaperones could sit at a different table, which would give you and your date time to converse alone.

I would recommend no touching while dating as well. Some people (and I believe Davis is one) say that it's okay to kiss once engaged. I can see where they are coming from with this - but I also know that once engaged, hormones are still alive and kicking and it could be hard to stop...

Since your dad doesn't care, I agree with Kita - talk to your pastor and his wife. And most of all, be in prayer. God has someone special for you, in His time.


In regards to the bold sentence above, who precisely do you know that denies men and women are not attracted one to the other? I personally don't know anyone who would say or think that (unless they were homosexual). Not looking to start a debate, I just have never heard of anyone in our contemporary culture who would not acknowledge that.......do you really believe people think that?

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I agree, there are alot of pious people out there that either act like they are not attracted (enough to be tempted)....on the other hand there are people who make rules saying "You cannot like a guy/girl". Which is ridiculous, as it happens! Instead of saying "You may not like them" there should be guidelines saying what you can and cannot do, depending on age of the person and situation.

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I've met many people who try to make themselves sound impervious to sexual temptation, t. There are people who believe that they are so spiritual they can't lust.


It may be true, but that is the very reason why the bible mention lust. We all know that attraction make us fall into temptation.

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actually I found that people who think they can resist sexual temptation actually fall into it. They put themselves in a situation where they think nothing will happen and it does-- like a girl going over a boy's house and she told her mother "Mom, don't worry, I can control myself" and the girl failed to control herself. She sincerely thought she could resist temptation.

Those who know they they are going fail will not put themselves in that position.

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actually I found that people who think they can resist sexual temptation actually fall into it. They put themselves in a situation where they think nothing will happen and it does-- like a girl going over a boy's house and she told her mother "Mom, don't worry, I can control myself" and the girl failed to control herself. She sincerely thought she could resist temptation.

Those who know they they are going fail will not put themselves in that position.


This is so true! Even the world recognizes the fact that if you put yourself into the temptation that you will fail, that is why they push their "safe sex" and birth control agenda so much. A Christian must take the necessary steps to avoid falling into temptation, and like HC said, I believe the best way is to completely avoid being alone with the opposite sex until marriage. This also can do much more than avoid "temptation" between two people who are really attracted to each other. This also can avert potentially dangerous situations in which a girl could be abused verbally or sexually with no witnesses or in which one person may falsely accuse the other of being improper. We live in a wicked world, just because you meet someone who says they are a "Christian" doesn't mean they are one or that they will always act like one. We need to keep ourselves above reproach.

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actually I found that people who think they can resist sexual temptation actually fall into it. They put themselves in a situation where they think nothing will happen and it does-- like a girl going over a boy's house and she told her mother "Mom, don't worry, I can control myself" and the girl failed to control herself. She sincerely thought she could resist temptation.

Those who know they they are going fail will not put themselves in that position.


So true.

As some of you stated, those who think they want fall, they better beware. But yet there still be many who are pious enough to say, "I want fall."

1Co

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I have found from talking to different people that "dating" and "courtship" is only semantics because so many people have different definitions for both.

For instance I never "courted" anyone but as far as "dating" standards my parents were the strictest I knew. Some people who believe in "courting" believe that the parents choose the spouse. Others believe its just dating under the parents' OBservation, which to me is just "dating"...whatever anyone chooses to call it, its the same thing really. Its "dating" with various degrees of parental involvement.

The only thing I disagree with is the parents choosing the mate. I believe in parental approval but not parental choice.

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Courtship for our family mean's that the "Young man and Young lady" are going out on a family function with one or both families. This also mean's they could go with our Pastor's family. Actually there are only two other families in our church we would feel comfortable with their going as well. They are never alone because this just put's them in a situation of temptation not needed. I never thought about that meaning different thing's to different people!! Thank's Kitagirl for saying something!!

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Courtship for our family mean's that the "Young man and Young lady" are going out on a family function with one or both families. This also mean's they could go with our Pastor's family. Actually there are only two other families in our church we would feel comfortable with their going as well. They are never alone because this just put's them in a situation of temptation not needed. I never thought about that meaning different thing's to different people!! Thank's Kitagirl for saying something!!


Yes, cutting out the times that they are alone, when alone is when temptations creeps in.

Seems to me when dating people spend much time alone, in courtships they do not.

Big difference.

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I guess I was raised being taught against dating as a teen, and against single dating...I never heard the word "courtship" until I was in college and beyond.... I guess its just a new word for old standards?

I just always was taught that you don't single date, that you date with adult chaperones.

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Kayla, If you were my daughter I would not let you date until you were 21, them it would only be for a double date with your mother and I. :coolsmiley:

:thumb:


Well I've been dateable age for 6 months then. :icon_mrgreen:

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Well I've been dateable age for 6 months then. :icon_mrgreen:


I might have to rethink and raise the age. :wink You know, us senior citizens always reserve the right to change our opinion at the drop of a hat.

Records are made to break.

Linda turned 21 in December 67, we married May 68. I turned 22 in December 67.

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I might have to rethink and raise the age. :wink You know, us senior citizens always reserve the right to change our opinion at the drop of a hat.

Records are made to break.

Linda turned 21 in December 67, we married May 68. I turned 22 in December 67.


You married the same time as my parents. But she just graduated from High school in 67. My parents were married 68, so I was told. My dad was 23 years old

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I really don't know that I planed on getting married are that i ever set out to find a wife. I met Linda in late 67 while home for Thanksgiving.

We set up a weekend to see one another that I thought I would be able to get back home. But the Air Force changed my mind because a base alert hit our base and no one could leave.

So I called her to tell her about the situation and asked if we could make it Christmas Eve 67, she agreed.

I'm not sure how many time we got to see one another between them and May 18, 68 when we married, but it was just a very few.

It just seems we hit it off good and had mostly a long distance relationship with a letter or two each week and a phone call each weekend unless I could slip away from the base.

I might add, I was suppose to come in once more where we could go to the court house and get our marriage license. But the Air Force messed that up and all I could do was mail by blood test to her. Linda and her mother went to the court house and got them with her mother signing
my name and paying for them. :thumb:

I might add, going back to my Air Force bases after Christmas of 67 I thought I had found the right one. After marrying Linda told me after that 1st Christmas Eve that she had told her mother that she had met the man she would marry. Said her mother asked her, did he ask you that? She replied, "No, but I know!"

I really think that many times God sends the right one along at a time we're not expecting it.

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My parents knew each other for a long time before they were married. My mom remember him the most when he came over and played the guitar. Both of my grandparents were friends at the time so that's how they met. But my mother was dating this guy at the time so they didn't get in relationship until after high school. This guy she was dating, she had to bring her older sister everywhere. But he wasn't the right guy for her as he was always an angry and controlling and she didn't like that. So she broke up with him, began to see my dad.

My dad was a gentle guy, he has prOBlems but He wasn't harsh with us. We were never afraid that he would come and hurt us and that was a good thing.

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