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Get Ready to ROFL! Join the Hilarity Brigade in Our Jokes & Humor Forum for Endless Laughter and Good Times! 
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After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local store manager: Dear Mrs. Harris: Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: 1.…
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Little Johnny is up a tree and won't come down. His mother pleads, "Johnny, please come down!" He won't. She calls the police, who order Johnny to descend in the name of the law, but to no avail. She calls the fire department. Johnny has now climbed even higher, out of reach of the firemen and refuses to come down. Finally in desperation she calls the local priest. He comes, looks up at Johnny in the tree, and without saying a word, he simply makes the sign of the cross. Johnny climbs hastily down the tree. His mother asks, "Johnny, why wouldn't you come down for me, or for the firemen, or for the police, but you came down for the priest?" …
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A young seminary student went home for Christmas break. A horrible snowstorm stranded the regular minister in another town. The leaders of the congregation asked the young man to substitute for the regular minister. The young preacher started his sermon by explaining the meaning of a substitute. "If you break a window," he said, "and then place a piece of plywood over the hole -- that's a substitute." After the sermon, a well-intentioned woman wished to compliment the young man. As she enthusiastically shook his hand, she said: "You were no substitute. You were a real pane."
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01/10/22 Grif.Net - 2-Line Odds & Ends I once read that in Alaska the men are men and so are the women. It also mentioned that if you’re a single woman there, your odds are good, but the goods are odd. ~~ "Sherlock, why is your front door painted yellow?" "A lemon entry, my dear Watson; a lemon entry.” ~~ I went to a theatrical performance on puns. Found out it was just another play on words. ~~ Every chicken coop must only have 2 doors. If it has 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan. ~~ I have lots of jokes about unemployed people. None of them work. ~~ Two blind dudes are fighting viciou…
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With the Ark safely settled, Noah opened the doors and commanded the animals, “Go forth and multiply“. All the animals left except for the two snakes. Again Noah commanded, “Go forth and multiply “. Again, the snakes didn’t move. Noah asks, “Why are you not leaving?” The snakes replied, “We can’t Noah, we’re adders.”
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01/05/22 Grif.Net - Little-known Knights of the Round Table Some time back a humorist penned fictional “Knights” by tweaking real words or phrases. Brought smiles reading about the “largest knight of the round table’ (Sir Cumference) or the knight who enjoyed steak each day (Sir Loin of Beef). So, I’ve compiled some unfamiliar men who have joined the knighthood of humor. These include: Sir Real = the abstract artist Sir Vivor = the last knight standing on the island Sir Passer = the top-rated quarterback in his league Sir Fur = last seen riding the waves (also known as “the dude”) Sir Tax = the knight of bureaucracy, adding government fees to…
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12/29/21 Grif.Net - Getting Older [25 years ago, I was a professor at Pillsbury College. Recall some fun discussions in the faculty bay where our offices were located.] Eating donuts that I had brought from the day-old counter at Wall Drug (I commuted 840 miles twice a month to be able to have a couple long weekends with the wife back in Wyoming and always tried to bring a treat back to campus), a few of us were discussing the trials of getting older. I admitted, "One time I caught myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and couldn't remember whether I was putting it away or starting to make a sandwich." I think it was D…
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Nothing is ever standardized.
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The Disease outside is frightful, But the fire is so delightful, There's really no place to go, Think of snow, Think of snow, Think of snow.
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Grif.Net Robert E Griffin · 22h · 12/27/21 Grif.Net - AAADD Many are not old enough to understand this very real health challenge. Yet “Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder” (AAADD) often sneaks up on us “seniors” and can lead to situations like this: I finished my morning coffee and decided to do work on the car, start to the garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I’m going to work on the car. BUT FIRST I’m going to go through the mail. Lay car keys down on the desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I’ll just put the bills on my desk. BUT FIRST I’ll take the trash out. Since I’m going to be nea…
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12/23/21 Grif.Net - Special Christmas Present It was summer when a father asked his little boy what he wanted that year for Christmas. The boy replied, “A baby sister.” As it turned out, the wife was already pregnant, and delivered on Christmas Eve. On Christmas day she brought home a brand-new baby sister for their son. The little boy was overjoyed. The next summer when the father asked his little boy what he was thinking about for Christmas, the boy said, “If it wouldn’t make mommy too uncomfortable, I’d like a pony.”
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- In the last nearly 7 months, there have been 2, major attacks, against the "jew", but we will call it Israel. OCT 7 was the first, and this is well documented, and now, a few days ago, you have Iran (Islam) attacking Israel in the middle of the night, as the devil loves the darkness....... Many many Ballistic , Cruise Missiles, and at least 200 Attack Drones were sent in by Islam (Iran) to try to kill Jewish citizens. Here are some photos, of a few of the Ballistic Missiles and a video. I wanted you to see the size of just ONE of the Ballistic Missiles so that you can get a real sense of just how much damage and death Islam was trying to again, inflict on the JEW., as they fired over 100 of these... and not just these. - - - - - -
Only "throw it out" if you are trying to offer it to God to be accepted by God. For example.. "God, i'll promise to stop sinning............will you save me now'"" ????? See that? "God says" = NO I WONT, as that is not my GRACE. and you are "saved by Grace", or you are not saved at all.
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All those passages above show repentance from sin. You can throw them out if it doesn't fit your theology - but that doesn't make your theology true. -
What you wrote does not even make sense as a sentence, so, it certainly can't be found as sound theology. So, God requires that we give to Him, our faith in Christ. As that is to repent from Unbelief, and that is the TRUE Repentance that God accepts. Remember.. 'Jesus came into the world to save SINNERS"......... and you qualified......same as us all. Just stay here... A.) God became a man to die for all your sin, so that He can then give you HIS Righteousness. And that is what happens when you go to God with Faith in Christ. God takes the Blood and Death of Jesus and makes you sinless, as "Jesus is the ONE TIME... Eternal SACRIFICE for SIN" AND then, once your SIN is dealt with by the BLOOD and DEATH of Jesus........as He has now died for them all..... God then gives you "the Gift of Righteousness" that is "The Gift of Salvation". See that? That is to become BORN AGAIN... as a "new Creation".. "in Christ". AS = "ONE with GOD".
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