Humor

945 topics in this forum

1. 

   Best Blonde in a while 2

   July 9, 2009 by JerryNumbers

   • 0 replies
   • 810 views

   Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "…

   

   Last reply by JerryNumbers, July 9, 2009
3. 

   Best blonde joke in a while...!!]

   July 7, 2009 by JerryNumbers

   • 2 replies
   • 838 views

   After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!' The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?' The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home,he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, …

   

   Last reply by John81, July 7, 2009
4. 

   Bible Questions and Answers

   May 18, 2006 by Ron

   • 2 replies
   • 812 views

   Smiles from the Bible... > > Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? > A. Ruthless. > > Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? > A. German Shepherds. > > Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? > A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in > liquidation. > > Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? > A Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew > out a little prophet. > > Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? > A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's > Triumph was heard throughout th…

   

   Last reply by Guest, May 24, 2006
5. 

   Bible riddle

   March 3, 2008 by Salyan

   • 1 reply
   • 11.3k views

   A Bible character without a name Whose body never to corruption came; Who died a death none died before, Whose shroud is sold in every grocery store.

   

   Last reply by Bakershalfdozen, March 3, 2008
6. 

   Bible riddle #2

   March 4, 2008 by Salyan

   • 5 replies
   • 719 views

   A Bible character with no name Who, stolen away from family, came To save a life, to save it twice To save a man who sin enticed.

   

   Last reply by Salyan, March 4, 2008
7. 

   Bible Sales

   October 24, 2008 by pneu-engine

   • 4 replies
   • 660 views

   A friend sent me this::::::::; [color=#000080][size=150][b]A preacher concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church. Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles.…

   

   Last reply by Guest, October 26, 2008
8. 

   Bigger Turkey

   November 8, 2008 by Charbo

   • 1 reply
   • 490 views

   A woman walks into a butcher's shop just before closing time and asks, "Do you have any turkey?" The butcher opens his fridge, takes out his only turkey and puts it onthe weighing scales. It weighs six pounds. The woman looks at the turkey and at the scales and asks, "Do you haveone that's a bit bigger than this one, please?" The butcher puts the turkey back into the fridge and then takes it out again, but this time when he puts it on the scales he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scales now show eight pounds "That's wonderful," says the woman. "I'll take both of them, please!"

   

   Last reply by John81, November 10, 2008
9. 

   Biker 1 2

   May 17, 2008 by Ashlee

   • 21 replies
   • 1.9k views

   A biker dies and goes to Hell. When he gets there, he looks around says, "Nice, it was always too cold on Earth, I think I'm going to like this!" Satan hears this, and he decides to show the biker who's boss. So he turns up the heat. He comes in the next day, and the biker is still enjoying the heat. So Satan turns up the heat again. This goes on for several days until Satan decides he will show him once and for all. So he turns off the heat. He comes in the next day, and the biker asks, "What, did the Cheifs win the Super Bowl?"

   

   Last reply by Ashlee, June 11, 2008
10. 

    Billy Graham, chauffeur?

    September 19, 2020 by Bouncing Bill

    • 0 replies
    • 634 views

    Before he died, Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine waiting to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver . "You know," he said, "I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?" The driver said, "No problem. Be my guest!" Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulled out and easily …

    

    Last reply by Bouncing Bill, September 19, 2020

    • 
    • 
11. 

    Black Boxes

    December 10, 2008 by Charbo

    • 1 reply
    • 611 views

    The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks. This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occured, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, "Uh oh." Only the state of Oklahoma was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this!"

    

    Last reply by Guest, December 10, 2008
12. 

    Blind Golfers

    August 15, 2008 by Charbo

    • 1 reply
    • 472 views

    A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor sai…

    

    Last reply by futurehope, August 20, 2008
13. 

    blond girlfriend & her first football game

    October 27, 2006 by JerryNumbers

    • 9 replies
    • 951 views

    A guy took his blond girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, before the game started, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

    

    Last reply by JerryNumbers, October 30, 2006
14. 

    Blond IQ

    August 25, 2009 by Quiet Listener

    • 1 reply
    • 957 views

    What do you call a blond with two brain cells? PREGNANT! (please take no offence to this if your are blond or with child.)

    

    Last reply by Pastor Matt, August 27, 2009
15. 

    Blonde in the Snow

    January 25, 2007 by Newlife84

    • 6 replies
    • 1.1k views

    It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as t…

    

    Last reply by Chelle, February 13, 2007
16. 

    Blonde's Headset

    November 7, 2008 by Charbo

    • 0 replies
    • 526 views

    A hairdresser was trying to cut a blonde's hair but, because she refused to take off the headset of her iPod, he found his task very difficult. Finally, exasperated, he pulled off the handset and she collapsed on the floor. An ambulance rushed her to hospital but too late, she was dead. The hairdresser felt very bad about this but wondered what she was listening to. He put on the headset and heard the words, "Breathe in....breathe out....breathe in....!"

    

    Last reply by Charbo, November 7, 2008
17. 

    Blondes

    May 17, 2008 by OLD fashioned preacher

    • • Administrators
    • 14 replies
    • 1.1k views

    2 Oklahoma blondes were sitting on a bench. One turns and asks, "which is farther away, Florida or the moon?". The other replies, :Helllllooooo, can you see Florida?" :Green

    

    Last reply by HappyChristian, May 22, 2008
18. 

    Blondes 1, Lawyers 0 - Another Smart Blonde Joke

    February 15, 2006 by Jerry

    • 6 replies
    • 1.1k views

    [b]Blondes 1, Lawyers 0 [/b] A blonde woman happened to be sitting next to a lawyer on a long flight from L. A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa." Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the…

    

    Last reply by Chelle, March 3, 2006
19. 

    Books that make you cry.

    September 9, 2020 by Bouncing Bill

    • 0 replies
    • 250 views

    A young women, who loved to read, ask her boyfriend, "Tell me some books that made you cry." The young man scratched his head and replied, "Let's see, oh yes, Organic chemistry Quantum mechanics

    

    Last reply by Bouncing Bill, September 9, 2020

    • 
20. 

    Booster Baptisms!

    January 6, 2022 by BrotherTony

    • 2 followers
    • 1 reply
    • 182 views
    

    Last reply by John Young, January 6, 2022

    • 
21. 

    Boys Will Be Boys Lol

    April 17, 2014 by Standing Firm In Christ

    • 1 reply
    • 952 views
    

    Last reply by EKSmith, April 18, 2014

    • Too Funny.
22. 

    Bp Oil Jokes

    July 20, 2010 by Pastor Matt

    • • Administrators
    • 4 replies
    • 1k views

    I don't watch the late shows, but I thought some of these were funny. All right, we can tell by what people are searching for that a lot of you are interested in BP Oil Spill Jokes. I personally have a hard time laughing but some of these are kinda funny. A special thanks to Daniel Kurtzman who compiled all these from late night TV. We also found some pretty good one liners at Daily Comedy.com. “Here’s a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they’re capturing it with ducks.” —Jimmy Fallon “This Tony Haywire guy, whatever his name is, he told the BBC on Sunday that he believes th…

    

    Last reply by JerryNumbers, July 22, 2010
23. 

    Bran Muffins

    May 23, 2008 by Charbo

    • • Administrators
    • 7 replies
    • 642 views

    The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorit…

    

    Last reply by IM4given, June 24, 2008
24. 

    Brass

    July 31, 2014 by ThePilgrim

    • 3 replies
    • 1.2k views
    

    Last reply by Miss Daisy, August 1, 2014

    • 
25. 

    Breaking News!

    October 3, 2008 by HappyChristian

    • 2 replies
    • 601 views

    ::: BREAKING NEWS ::: In 2009 the government will start deporting all of the weird old people. I started crying when I thought of you. Run, my friend, RUN !!!! :lol:

    

    Last reply by HappyChristian, October 3, 2008
26. 

    BREAKING NEWS!

    August 26, 2011 by JerryNumbers

    • • Administrators
    • 3 replies
    • 1.1k views

    BREAKING NEWS! President Obama has just confirmed that the DC earthquake occurred on a rare and obscure fault-line, apparently known as "Bush's Fault". Obama also announced that the Secret Service and Maxine Waters continues an investigation of the quake's suspicious ties to the Tea Party. Conservatives however have proven that it was caused by the founding fathers rolling in thier graves from the liberal tax and spend policies coming from our*Congressional leaders on the left side of the aisle.

    

    Last reply by HappyChristian, August 27, 2011