-
Member Statistics
6,095
Total Members2,124
Most Online
Humor
Get Ready to ROFL! Join the Hilarity Brigade in Our Jokes & Humor Forum for Endless Laughter and Good Times! 
"
945 topics in this forum
-
.
Last reply by ..., -
-
- 1 reply
- 969 views
[size=18][color=darkblue][b]How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? [/b][/color][/size] [b]1. Golden Retriever:[/b] The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? [b] 2. Border Collie:[/b] Just one - me. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. [b] 3. Dachshund:[/b] You know I can't reach that stupid light bulb! [b]4. Rottweiler:[/b] Make me. [b] 5. Boxer:[/b] Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. [b] 6. Lab:[/b] Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can…
Last reply by Chelle, -
- 1 reply
- 618 views
I heard this one in church last night and just had to share it with you all. President Bush was in an airport recently and he saw a man standing all alone. As Bush approached the man, he noticed that the man was dressed in a long white robe, had white hair and a long white beard. In the man?s hand was a long staff. President Bush went up to the man and asked, ?Are you Moses?? The man ignored President Bush, and just looked away. Again, President Bush talked to the man, this time getting right in his face, ?Excuse me, but I asked you if you are Moses.? The man just looked at the ceiling, not responding to President Bush. President Bush became agitated at the m…
Last reply by John81, -
.thumb.jpg.b382eed7badb2f1cfbcac28fe9954a6e.jpg)
- 6 replies
- 1.9k views
The following is a true story about my long gone but beloved cat named "Fuzzface". It was Christmas time and as usual I had received a steady stream of boxes from family with gifts. One box was large with several individually wrapped gifts inside all packed in white styrofoam peanuts. I was sitting on the living room floor pulling out the individual boxes and of course styrofoam peanuts were getting all over the floor. My cat was in the other room laying down in a laundry basket full of nice warm, fresh from the dryer, clothes (bad kitty). When shooed from the laundry basket he came running into the living room and then...CATastrophe! There was so much static …
Last reply by Genevanpreacher, -
"I've been waiting twelve years for this!"
by Guest Guest- 2 replies
- 1k views
We had built our dream house several years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them. Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway. "Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the driver walked up to the house. "I've been waiting twelve years for this!" "Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this morning." :lol:
Last reply by Trust in Jesus, -
"Squawks" are problems noted by U. S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some ACTUAL maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. (P) = Problem (S) = Solution (P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough. (S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft. (P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid. (S) # 2 propeller seepage normal - # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage. (P) Something loose in cockpit. (S) Something tightened in cockpit. (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. (S) Evidence removed. (P) DME volume unbelievably …
Last reply by John81, -
-
- Administrators
- 1 follower
- 0 replies
- 154 views
I'm constantly browsing church websites for inspiration and to observe current website trends. (It's part of my job). Today, I came across a website with the caption, "We Grow People." My brain must have been in its comedic mode because I took it to heart, picturing a garden of human heads sprouting like enthusiastic sunflowers. ?
Last reply by Pastor Matt, -
-
(Adams first words to Eve.)
by Guest Guest- 0 replies
- 524 views
Edited out
-
(Moses to God.)
by Guest Guest- 0 replies
- 586 views
Edited by BroMatt
-
- 0 replies
- 1.1k views
A story of deceived liberals and a nation freezing to death in darkness because coal fired power plants were shut down and alternative energy is too expensive. Starring a cast of well-known actors… Al Gore as Norman Hillary Clinton as Ethel Barbara Boxer as Chelsea Barrack Obama as Billy Harry Reid as Bill Norman: I don’t want crowds of people watching my secret global warming meetings, I don’t want crowds of people watching me develop this hoax. Ethel: Your fascination with secrecy around this hoax is beginning to frazzle my openess. Chelsea: It just seems like we’ve not deceived and manipulated the U.S. population enough. Billy: Those coal fired plants are still alive…
Last reply by 1Timothy115, -
- 0 replies
- 591 views
*Baby Wrap* (((A Public Health Nurse speaks.))) Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?" "Yes," I replied, "That is a good analogy." "I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said anxiously. "Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?"
Last reply by pneu-engine, -
- 1 reply
- 781 views
A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please." The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. T…
Last reply by Charbo, -
- 2 replies
- 672 views
*Four Little Words* Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life. Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, he's sweet, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!" "He said 'will you marry me'?" Marcy asked. Heather replied, "No, he said 'put your money away'."
Last reply by Bear, -
- 0 replies
- 539 views
*The Innkeepers Top 10 Excuses...* 10. Roman's "Stay Free" promotion a bit too successful. 9. Wife said he couldn't accept olive wood carvings as payment anymore. 8. Too busy getting new "Motel One" franchise going. 7. Last pregnant lady riding a donkey took all their towels. 6. Filled up for the "Caesar Impersonators'" convention. 5. Didn't accept the Judean Express Card. 4. Last room left was by the ice machine. 3. Nazareth Shriners tore up the place the night before. 2. Closed front desk early to take family to watch unique star. 1. No last names, no service.
Last reply by pneu-engine, -
- 0 replies
- 865 views
Ad: Instant snore stopper! In cream or liquid form. One swallow lasts all night! Yes, this brand new product guarantees your spouse a quiet night. Just one swallow, and you’ll be hooked! Buy a bottle for the snorer in your life. NOISY NIGHTS GONE FOREVER! Apply the “snore cream” to your throat an hour before retiring, and Presto! No more snoring the entire night! Can also mix with water; dilutes instantly, and tastes like bubble gum! One cup does the jOB! Incredible product--you must give it a try (Satisfaction guaranteed) Reviews: “Bill” from Timbuktu: “Incredible" is not a strong enough word--this product is amazing! I tried it on Fluffy, my …
Last reply by irishman, -
- 22 replies
- 2.3k views
:blonde: These are hilarious! You have to read them!!! :blonde: 1.Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off and go relax." Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you …
Last reply by KayceeLochner, -
-
- Administrators
- 4 replies
- 1.1k views
Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter, 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them a ll, so they decided that one had to leave, otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping ..........
Last reply by Pastor Matt, -
-
- 3 replies
- 1.3k views
Last reply by Covenanter, -
- 1 follower
- 0 replies
- 161 views
A dentist was about to leave his office with his golf bag on his shoulder, when the phone rang. "Doctor," the caller said, "I have a terrible toothache. Can I stop by your office in a few minutes?" "Sorry," replied the dentist, "but I have a previous appointment to fill eighteen cavities this afternoon."
Last reply by BrotherTony, -
- 1 follower
- 0 replies
- 219 views
01/10/22 Grif.Net - 2-Line Odds & Ends I once read that in Alaska the men are men and so are the women. It also mentioned that if you’re a single woman there, your odds are good, but the goods are odd. ~~ "Sherlock, why is your front door painted yellow?" "A lemon entry, my dear Watson; a lemon entry.” ~~ I went to a theatrical performance on puns. Found out it was just another play on words. ~~ Every chicken coop must only have 2 doors. If it has 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan. ~~ I have lots of jokes about unemployed people. None of them work. ~~ Two blind dudes are fighting viciou…
Last reply by BrotherTony, -
- 3 replies
- 744 views
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN". 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds". 7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy". 8. dont use any punctuation 9. As often as possible, skip rather th…
Last reply by joyfulpraise93, -
- 0 replies
- 312 views
Last reply by Bouncing Bill, -
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting together for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: …
Last reply by John81, -
- 0 replies
- 1.1k views
3 men, a Baptist Pastor, a Catholic Priest, and a Jewish Rabbi were on a camping trip together (suspend unequally yoked comments for this humor). They got into an argument about which of them was better at converting someone to their faith. They decided on a challenge right there in the woods. They would go out into the woods and the person who did the best job in converting a woodland creature to their faith would win. Catholic Priest: I encountered a bear in the woods and after we went through the catechisms he will be taking mass with me tomorrow morning! Baptist Pastor: I also encountered a bear down by the river, and after a two hour hell fire and damnation serm…
Last reply by 2bLikeJesus, -
- 10 replies
- 1.4k views
It took me twelve hours. On The Lighter Side/Jokes and Stories Find 30 books of the Bible There are thirty books of the Bible in this paragraph. Can you find them? This is a most remarkable puzzle. It was found by a gentleman in an airplane seat pocket, on a flight from Los Angeles to Honolulu, keeping him occupied for hours. He enjoyed it so much he passed it on to some friends. One friend from Illinois worked on this while fishing from his john boat. Another friend studied it while playing his banjo. Elaine Taylor, a columnist friend, was so intrigued by it she mentioned it in her weekly newspaper column. Another friend judges the job of solving this puzzle s…
Last reply by hannah,
-
My Clubs
-
Music Composition Group
Open Club · 2 members
-
The Ministry
Closed Club · 5 members
-
Ladies Private Room
Closed Club · 3 members
-
-
Members Online
No members to show
-
Recent Topics
-
-
Recent Posts
-
-
When the lord shows a man mercy, he might be tempted to think that his neighbor is lazy. There are people who fasted for days without hearing or encountering God while some were eating when Jesus visited them. It is not that fasting does not work, it is just that there is election by mercy. When a man says lord have mercy upon me, must people think that he has committed a sin. What they failed to understand is that the mercy of God is deeper than forgiveness. Forgiveness is after an offense while mercy is a gift. A gift is useful to even them that have been forgiven. Psalm 102:13 Thou shalt arise, and have mercy upon Zion: for the time to favour her, yea, the set time, is come. In the arena of favor, mercy is a gate pass. Blind Bartimaeus cried to Jesus saying “son of David have mercy upon me” and Jesus replied “ what do you want me to do for you? Man is but man. Even the best of man is still man. It is by his mercy that we are not consumed. My prayer point is “oh lord show me mercy”. The lord have mercy on me. You may not like me but fear my God(my father). Remember I am not fatherless. In 1 samuel 2 the Bible says the lord killeth and he maketh his life. If Joseph went to the pit and Jesus to the cross, why not me but why me? Dear lord my life and future are at the mercy of my tongue. Curses are incurred and blessings are pronounced by words. Salvation are obtained by the confession of words. Our destiny on earth are tongue controlled. Words are your equipments and instructions for creation. As I speak, I am creating. The Bible is replete to scriptures that says “God Said and God saw” as I say it without seeing it, I will see it after saying it. Father in the realm of the spirit, what is not declared is not delivered. A closed mouth is a closed destiny. My life is in my mouth. Father bless me. . Help me through suffering, hardship, homelessness and hunger. Have mercy on me. Amen I refused rejection. I know God is preparing something big for me -
-
-
-
-
Popular Now
-
-
Sermon Entries
-
