Humor
Get Ready to ROFL! Join the Hilarity Brigade in Our Jokes & Humor Forum for Endless Laughter and Good Times! "
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A photon checks into a hotel... Bellhop: Could I help you with your luggage sir? Photon: No thanks; I'm traveling light!
Last reply by rstrats, -
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A Bible character without a name Whose body never to corruption came; Who died a death none died before, Whose shroud is sold in every grocery store.
Last reply by Bakershalfdozen, -
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Last reply by John81, -
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THE PERFECT PASTOR A recent survey compiled all the qualities that people expect from the perfect pastor: ~ Preaches exactly 12 minutes. ~ Frequently condemns sin but never upsets anyone. ~ Works from 8 a.m. until midnight and is also a janitor. ~ Makes $60 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $80 a week to the poor. ~ 28 years of age and has been preaching for 30 years. ~ Wonderfully gentle and good-looking. ~ A burning desire to work with teenagers, but is always with the senior citizens. ~ Makes 15 daily calls to church families, visits shut-ins and the hospitalized, evangelizes the unchurched, and is al…
Last reply by John81, -
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My intention is not to offend anybody or get anyone upset. However, there are times when it might be good to know what sort of a church you are in, especially if you have recently moved and are looking for a new church home, as I was. I just thought I would share a few basic tips regarding how to know if you are in one of these new seeker sensitive churches, based on some of my own experiences. It isn't always very obvious. If I had known about these things before hand it would have made my life a lot easier.... If the the only two people in the building who are wearing dresses are yourself and the man who held the door open for you when you entered, you might be in a S…
Last reply by falin115, -
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Last reply by HappyChristian, -
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A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol .. . . . . . Dead . The second worm in cigarette smoke . . . Dead . Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . . Dead. Fourth worm in good clean soil . . .. Alive So the Minister asked the congregation,…
Last reply by JerryNumbers, -
knock, knock...
Last reply by irishman, -
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Tires on you cars would have been white with black walls. The piano keys black and the notes white... The paper black and the ink white, Hmm, black toilet paper. Vanilla black ice cream.
Last reply by ..., -
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Does a turtle ever itch? If so, how does it alleviate the itch? Hmmm...
Last reply by No Nicolaitans, -
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My 1st grader's composition assignment today was to take a well known nursery rhyme and change some of the words. We decided to go funny and this is what we came up with (a pond theme)... Hey Diddle Daddle, the cat and the paddle, The frog jumped over the loon. The little mouse laughed to see such sport, And the fish ran away with the tune-a. She drew a picture of a cat paddling a boat, a frog jumping over a loon, a mouse peeking out of the weeds and a couple of fish. I know tuna aren't pond fish but tune rhymes with loon and we thought it was funny to add the -a on the end for tuna but you have to say it with a slight pause...tune - a. Anyway, we thou…
Last reply by Annie, -
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Chuck Norris got thrown in jail for preaching the gospel. Because they knew Chuck could be dangerous, they put him in with long-term prisoners. After things got quiet, somebody down the cellblock shouted "twenty six!!!!!" All the prisoners laughed. Then when things quieted down, another prisoner shouted "thirty-five", and they all laughed again. Chuck asked his long-term cell mate "what's going on?" The old jailbird explained..."we have been here so long, we know all the jokes and have them numbered". Chuck said, "cool!!!" and shouted out "twenty three!!!!". Nobody laughed. Chuck tried again, a little louder...."TWENTY THREE!!!!", and again nobody laughed. "W…
Last reply by Old-Pilgrim, -
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This was sent to me by email from a dear friend of mine, and I just had to share it. Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives …
Last reply by dadof4, -
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Last reply by Salyan, -
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Got this in an email from my brother... Texas Translations Due to the large number of jobs moving from California to Texas, Texas has compiled a "Californian to Texan" translation guide. CALIFORNIA --- TEXAS Racist, Homophobe--- Caucasian, Heterosexual Arsenal of Weapons --- Gun Collection Delicate Wetlands --- Swamp Undocumented Worker --- Illegal Alien Cruelty-Free Materials ---- Synthetic Fiber Assault and Battery ---- Attitude Adjustment Heavily Armed --- Well-protected Narrow-minded --- Common Sense Taxes or Your…
Last reply by JerryNumbers, -
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ELEVEN SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package,because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter. You may glance at her, so long asyou do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loose that they appear to be falling off. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this is…
Last reply by Covenanter, -
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Last reply by ThePilgrim, -
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Last reply by wretched, -
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Last reply by The Glory Land, -
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Budget meeting
Last reply by farouk, -
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Knock, knock...
Last reply by Bakershalfdozen, -
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This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things. He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in…
Last reply by JerryNumbers, -
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To all the kids who survived the 1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s!! First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads. As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and so…
Last reply by HappyChristian, -
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A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him. The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat." The third patron to come int…
Last reply by Brother Rick, -
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I Heard this from my dad. (I think) This is not exactly like I first heard it, (I think) but the essentials are the same I hope you like it. The Inflatable Boy There was an inflatable boy who was getting bored at his inflatable school, so one day he walked out of his inflatable classroom and walked down the inflatable hallway. As he was walking, the inflatable principal walked by saying, "What are you doing here?" In fright the inflatable boy pulled aout a pin and popped the principal. A minute later the inflatable boy was out of the inflatable school. Looking back he said to himself, "I don't like that school!" So he took out his pin and popped the inflatable …
Last reply by John81,